What in the world is Trump doing with Loony Laura Loomer? KENNEDY’s PURR-fect theory about Don’s attraction to the 9/11 Truther – who’s on a fast track to becoming a catlady

Something is about to happen in Donald Trump’s presidential campaign.

Yes, I’m talking about conspiracy theorist/race agitator/MAGA roadie/angry eyebrow enthusiast Laura Loomer.

This woman could send a child with a nut allergy into anaphylactic shock from miles away and should absolutely not be anywhere near a man running for president.

Yet this 9/11 “Truther,” who called herself a “proud Islamophobe” (see below!) was spotted getting off Trump’s plane in Philadelphia before the ABC News debate on Tuesday. She joined his team backstage at the event and then again in Shanksville, Pennsylvania on September 11th!

Loomer is such a crazy tune that even Space Laser enthusiast Marjorie Taylor Greene called it “horrible and extremely racist.”

Well, Don. With good friends like Laura, who needs the presidency, right?

Because that’s what it’s starting to look like.

With seven weeks to go until Election Day, there is no damaging distraction that Trump won’t seize with both hands.

On Friday evening, Trump rowed back from The Loomonster too late.

“I disagree with her statements, but like the millions of people who support me, she is tired of watching radical left-wing Marxists and fascists violently attack and smear me,” Trump wrote on Truth Social.

Okay. Now deny the claims about ‘eating cats’.

Honestly, what’s with the GOP’s obsession with cats?

JD Vance once claimed that our great country is run by “a bunch of childless cat ladies who are unhappy with their own lives and the choices they’ve made, and who therefore want to make the rest of the country unhappy too.”

Meow!

Then, during the debate, Trump threw kerosene over an unverified Facebook story from Springfield, Ohio, about a “friend of the neighbor’s daughter” who lost her kitten and found it dangling from a tree, ready to be eaten by Haitian migrants.

You’d think it would be a good idea to fact-check a flammable story like this. Instead, Trump made it the cherry on top of his migrant crime sundae.

“They eat the dogs. They eat the cats. They eat the pets of the people who live there,” he said of Springfield’s alleged Haitian cat-ibals.

Look, I can’t say Loomer planted that ridiculous line in Trump’s “very, very large brain,” but I’m willing to bet she didn’t take him down from that scratching post, either.

If anyone is fast becoming a cat lady, it’s Loony Loomer. (You can smell the nasty Fresh Step already!)

But I really don’t understand why Trump just goes along with it.

About the Feder Line

Jayden, the youngest son of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, turned 18 this week.

How fast he grew!

I’m of course talking about Big Daddy Kevin’s love handles.

Justin Timberlake’s former backup dancer is now the size of a small Oldsmobile.

DailyMail.com exclusively reported this week that Spears has paid an estimated $5 million in child support to K-Overfed over the past 17 years.

Now that Jayden is 18, that lucrative endeavor has come to a standstill, which is actually a good thing for K-Fat.

He’s had enough gravy.

Nepos on parade

Hunter Biden used his father’s title to con foreign idiots into giving him lucrative lobbying contracts and $80,000 worth of diamonds.

Jack Schlossberg trusted his Kennedy blood and managed to get a job as a political correspondent at Vogue.

And now Ella Emhoff can play runway model thanks to her beloved stepmother.

Our pit-haired hipster dominated New York Fashion Week with creative looks like an I Heart NY T-shirt (that a homeless man probably dropped off in Times Square) and a dainty floral Tory Burch dress that showed off her heavily tattooed legs.

Burch, please.

Poo lighter

There goes my hero.

Another rock star couldn’t keep his drumstick in his skinny jeans.

Dave Grohl, lead singer of the Foo Fighters, admitted this week that he “recently became the father of a baby girl, born out of wedlock.”

Now, Dave’s ’90s ex, punk rocker Jenniefer Finch, is coming back to defend him, claiming that Grohl is actually a great family man.

That’s fair enough, because he has two!

Shannon Boring

NFL legend Shannon Sharpe has finally come clean after he livestreamed a two-minute episode of a man and woman appearing to struggle to change a heavy tire on his Instagram account.

“I haven’t been hacked… I’m a healthy, active man,” he admitted Wednesday night.

“Of course I’m embarrassed,” he said. “People are counting on Shannon.”

Hey Shannon…what’s really embarrassing is that you refer to yourself in the third person.

Limitation period

When I saw a new statue of Mrs Doubtfire in Northern Ireland I thought, ‘I didn’t know Robin Williams was Irish.’

Then it dawned on me.

That should be Queen Elizabeth II.

Her Majesty is pictured alongside a stiff Prince Philip (who resembles an unlubricated Tin Man) and a pair of corgis (which may be cats in dog suits).

Think fast

Taylor Swift put on her sparkliest big-girl pants and bravely took to Instagram to promote… Kamala Harris.

What a brave and clever move.

Her post came moments after Harris flashed Trump a sharp grin during Tuesday’s debate.

Miss Americana doesn’t support losers. Keep catching those balls, Travis.

Wearing her signature scarlet lipstick and cradling her emotional support cat, TayTay wrote, “I did my research and made my choice.”

She then praised the smart Tim Walz for his support of ‘IVF’.

I wish someone would check this childless cat lady’s post (but NOT the ABC News debate moderators).

While Rep. Swift (D-IVA) has taken to Instagram to praise Walz’s false fertility journey, Trump has actually spoken out in favor of government-sponsored IVF.

It seems, Taylor, that your “research” is as bad as your romantic past.

Musky

Elon is at it again, offering his billionaire sperm to a fellow member of the three-point club.

In a strange message, just hours after T-Swizzle’s support of Mamala, Musk offered to no longer make her childless. He posted the following on Twitter: “Fine Taylor… you win… I’ll give you a child and protect your cats with my life.”

Luckily for Travis, Rizz! isn’t for sale for $250 billion.