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Relationship expert reveals the one thing that kills your love life and almost everyone is guilty of it: ‘It’s more dangerous than an affair’
- Relationship expert Jake Maddock says arguing over text destroys a relationship
- He says hard conversations should be had face-to-face to avoid more pain
- Texting is too impulsive and doesn’t let people connect well, he said
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A controversial relationship expert has revealed how fighting over texting, otherwise known as fexting, is a guaranteed way to ruin your love life.
Jake Maddock wants people to have face-to-face conversations with adults instead of hurling insults, passive-aggressive statements, and demands on their partners over text.
Speaking to FEMAIL, the popular TikTok and Instagram love coach said that “fexting” is the “biggest new trend” of this year, but is deadly for relationships.
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Controversial relationship coach Jake Maddock says arguing over text will ruin your relationship
Rage texts rarely filter. That makes it more dangerous than having an affair,” he said.
Texting is impulsive and creates false bravado. We’re more likely to blurt out something that we wouldn’t be brave or stupid enough to say in person.’
He admits that writing can be a useful tool for arguments, as it gives people a chance to think about what they want to say — but this doesn’t work for texting.
‘Communication depends on many cues: facial expression, body language and voice, as well as the words used. Fexting will deny you access to three of these. Meaning and emotions in lyrics can be terribly misinterpreted,” he said.
He wants people to remember that arguments that do no harm are quickly resolved.
When people argue over text, they can delay their answers — causing their partner’s anger to continue to fester, he explained.
On the other hand, people can bar each other with a series of angry messages that will annoy and enrage their significant other.
He said too many third wheels can get involved in lyrics arguing, which only makes matters worse.
“Fexting makes you argue when you shouldn’t – when you’re at work and only half focused on what the other person is telling you, when you’re out with friends and feel reckless, when you’re with someone who can interfere and fuel the argument,” he said.
In a face-to-face argument, you’re forced to listen to what the other person is saying, he explained, meaning you’re taking their point of view.
“You’re much more likely to skip a few words and just disprove your own argument,” he said.
Jake believes a “good argument” ends in a hug, or more.
“Physical contact revives the intimacy between you, not to mention the sexual desire that glues you together and dissolves bad feelings between you,” he said.
‘Fexting stops when you stop fexing. Often that doesn’t mean the argument is resolved, and even when it is, resentment, hurt, and anger tend to linger.”
‘Fexting stops when you stop fexing. Often that doesn’t mean the argument is settled and even when it is, resentment, hurt and anger tend to linger,” Jake said (stock image)
The relationship coach says he has clients pouring in his door, desperately hoping for help to rekindle their relationships after using text as their main form of communication and during fights.
“In the end, the only way to have an argument that solves a problem is to talk,” he said.
“It’s not always the easiest thing to do, but it’s what you have to do, or watch your relationship die slowly and painfully, one fight after another. Relationships don’t heal themselves. People who communicate do.’
“You’re not a boxer, you’re not a toddler running out of apple juice, sit down in person and have a good adult conversation,” he added.
Jake has 83,000 followers on Instagram, where he received mixed reviews on his relationship advice.