Would a Mario with a different accent sound like wahoo? We’re about to find out, now that The Super Mario Bros. movie is out and Chris Pratt’s performance as the jumping red hat plumber is put to the test.
His voice acting has been the source of much concern and consternation since the first trailer came out. That first audio reveal showed vocal choices that were vague Italian at its best, and while the world waited for the movie, fans weren’t sure what to make of it. Do we really want Chris Pratt to do 90 minutes? House of Gucci bit? Does Mario need to talk at all?
During all this, Chris Pratt was doing the rounds lugging his agenda on the promotional tour, promising that once people just to see the movie, they’ll hear what he’s going for. Finally, as the man saidhe’s been playing Mario games for 30 years – he knows what an Italian plumber from Brooklyn who was transported to the Mushroom Kingdom by a stork in his childhood sounds like.
And yet, and yet, and yet! Folks, I’m here to tell you what I’ve seen The Super Mario Bros. Movie, and almost all I could think about was what was going on with Chris Pratt’s voice. It consumed me, like my own mental warp pipe, every time this little plumber opened his mouth. It’s hard to say if it would be easier if Pratt had just not committed to purposeful vocal choices at all. Instead, his Mario is in an odd middle zone, where Mario is unevenly seasoned with… some sort of accent. It’s Mario via Brooklyn by turning the volume knob down, but slapping it back up for a strange Easter egg.
In a way, Pratt wasn’t kidding when he called this voice “unlike anything you’ve heard.” In another very real way I will reflect on my auditory journey through Super Mario Bros.Mushroom Kingdom for a long, long time. It’s an experience that can only be summed up in chronological order, like a descent into the everyday whispers of madness that is Chris Pratt’s Aggressively Fine Mario voice.
[Ed. note: I guess this post almost vaguely spoils The Super Mario Bros. Movie, but really mostly by hazily outlining the lines where Chris Pratt and others stand out with their performances. If you are particularly precious about spoilers, or just want to be surprised about how you’ll really react to Pratt’s Mario voice, come back after you’ve seen the film.]
It starts with the advertisement
Super Mario Bros. Movie directors Aaron Horvath and Michael Jelenic think they’re cute when they introduce us to Pratt’s Mario (and his superior brother Luigi, voiced by Charlie Day) through an over-the-top commercial for their plumbing company. Would you really want this for an hour and a half? Wouldn’t that be a bit cheap?
Here’s the thing: the exaggerated accent is exhausting and it’s 100% better than what’s in store for you next.
Mario defends his brother
And we finally get the reveal: Mario’s “regular” speaking voice in this movie has a Brooklyn accent. Kind of. To quote Chris Pratt’s Mario from the big movie trailer for The Super Mario Bros. movie: “Hey, let’s go.”
Mario says “mamma mia” in slow motion
Are you joking? I understand we’re not committing to the Mario language, but we’re just going to make fun of Mario and his catchphrase? uh, fine; you get an exaggerated reference, whatever.
We’re in the Mushroom Kingdom!
And we completely let go of the accent. It’s just Andy Dwyer chasing a little mushroom. Thank you Nintendo!
Oh, never mind, he just asked Peach about “Bowsa”?
Image: Nintendo, lighting/Universal Pictures
So apparently we’re just doing an uneven ‘Nicole Kidman’ Big little liesthing. The accent will intermittently slip out of Mario like a piranha plant slips out of its pot to attack an unsuspecting plumber, and occasionally we’re thrust back into the world where Mario has an identity beyond ” red”. hat boy.”
“I got this, no problem”
Case in point: When Mario goes to prove himself on the Mushroom Kingdom obstacle course, he’s our favorite little over-the-top Italian video game icon again.
Bowser says “Oh ho ho ho – wedding bells!” and sanity is briefly restored
Image: Nintendo, lighting/Universal Pictures
Jack Black remains the movie’s MVP, and this line reading is exactly why. His voice is deep and gruff, yet he balances like Bowser without losing the Jack Blackness of his performance! You can imagine his voice booming across all levels of Bowser’s Castle, transferring through the lava pits of a Mario Kart game, or passing through Super Mario Galaxyif only we had play time to listen to his thoughts.
Mario van Pratt, on the other hand, is like a Xerox of a La Croix flavor: an already pale imitation made all the more nonsensical by practice. I get that Mario isn’t much of a character to play with, but Mario isn’t supposed to lose to Bowser.
Peach warns Toad of danger, and he growls, “I’m not afraid of anything”
Again: there Are ways to work within the framework of these Nintendo characters, even while pushing the boundaries in fun ways, as Keegan-Michael Key does here with Toad. Pratt as Mario kind of does that – he certainly doesn’t just use his own voice. But much more than feeling a little is not involved anxious go from Full Mario.
Peach admires a scenic view and Mario says “mamma mia”
Image: Nintendo, lighting/Universal Pictures
I said you get An, I was very explicit about this. Commit or not, but don’t be sleepy about it.
“It’s me, Mario,” said in a battle with Donkey Kong (again in slo-mo)
We get it, he’s not going to commit to the voice. Fuck off with this shit.
“Okay, Giant Monkey!”
Image: Nintendo, lighting/Universal Pictures
Chris Pratt is finally starting to become a character now, and that character is Billy Crystal.
He does the “wahoo” on Rainbow Road
Of course, okay, I’ll give it to him. Why not, right now? Clearly, the movie lets Mario do the talking all around more than it gives him a real voice in this whole thing; true to the game, Mario seems to be the least chatty of the various canonical characters, and right now that’s “A-OK” for me.
Mario says “you asked for it” during battle.
Okay, nevermind, just stop. You make fun of everyone.
Mario picks himself up to go back to battle with “let’s-a go”
I want to disappear from this mortal spiral.
Good news: Mario wins. The movie also ends.
Image: Nintendo, lighting/Universal Pictures
And with that we close the book on the Super Mario Bros.’ first animated theatrical adventure, and Pratt’s Mario got his happy ending by saving his hapless brother Luigi. The movie ends on a climax: Mario and Luigi wake up in their home, get dressed for work, and step outside into the Mushroom Kingdom, where they’ve made their home (and still use the same types of plumbing tools; who knows why).
Perhaps the real victory is ours. There’s very little talking in the final scenes, and we can finally put this whole accent thing behind us – unless that end-credits scene has something to say about the future of Chris Pratt’s Mario adventures. In that case, I agree. Luma: When will grace come?