Vanderpump Rules alum Stassi Schroeder recalls ‘twisted and cruel’ moment she sent self-harm pictures to her husband: ‘I’ll live with that guilt forever’
Stassi Schroeder has admitted she will “live with guilt forever” after sending photos of her self-inflicted injuries to her husband Beau Clark, describing the act as one of the “most despicable and manipulative” things she has ever done.
The 36-year-old Vanderpump Rules alum opened up about her struggle with self-harm in her new memoir, You Can’t Have It All. She also revealed that she’s previously had suicidal thoughts and considered jumping off a building.
In one of her most embarrassing and “wild” moments, though, Stassi recalled how she was once so angry that Beau, 44, had gone out to dinner instead of staying with her that she bombarded him with texts and calls β before cutting her hip and sending photos of her injuries.
Stassi wrote in her book, “I was wild. And then I remember cutting the side of my hip.
“This is the part that is the hardest to write and admit. It may be one of the most despicable, manipulative, horrible things I have ever done….
Stassi Schroeder has admitted she will ‘live with guilt forever’ after once sending photos of her self-harming injuries to her husband, Beau Clark
In her memoir, You Can’t Have It All, the 36-year-old reality star described the act as one of the “most despicable, manipulative, horrible things I’ve ever done.”
“I sent Beau and Katie Maloney pictures of what I had done to myself. If that isn’t one of the most twisted and cruel things to do to someone, I don’t know what is. I will live with that guilt forever.”
Stassi said that after Beau sent the photos, she left the dinner and came back home.
βHe spent most of the night on the phone with his mother,β she wrote.
‘The next morning we woke up and he said if anything like that ever happened again, even a little bit, he would get out of the relationship.
“That was the last time I hurt myself. Beau saved me that day.”
Stassi and Beau started dating in 2017 and announced their engagement in 2019.
The couple married in September 2020 in a small backyard ceremony, despite Covid, and welcomed their daughter Hartford in January 2021.
They married again in May 2022 at the Hotel de Russie in Italy, before welcoming son Messer Rhys in September last year.
Stassi, who has been together with Beau, 44, for seven years, said she felt “wild” at the time
The couple have two children together; son Messer Rhys, one, and daughter Hartford, three
Stassi bravely shared that she struggled with self-harm for 11 years and had suicidal thoughts at her lowest points, but after sending the images to Beau, she never thought about harming herself again.
βI have self-harmed to cope with extreme feelings of sadness, fear or anger,β she wrote.
‘There have been times in my life when I considered driving my car into a building or jumping out of the window of my apartment building.
“I know what it feels like when you don’t want to live.”
The reality star said she went into a downward spiral after her mentor, whom she calls Luke, committed suicide while she was in college.
Stassi said she had not experienced any loss before his passing.
Stassi said her husband Beau ‘saved me that day’ after he threatened to end their relationship
She spoke candidly about her self-harm in her recently released memoir You Can’t Have It All
βWhen Luke died, most of those big dreams died for me too,β she wrote. βAt that point, I was fortunate enough to have never experienced loss before.
‘I didn’t know anyone who had died, let alone someone who had committed suicide. I couldn’t fathom the grief he must have felt.
“His death consumed me. It was all I could think about. I stopped going to class and locked myself in my campus apartment and cried all day and all night.”
One night, shortly after Luke’s death, Stassi found herself alone in her dorm room kitchen. She felt the “impulse” to harm herself and cried uncontrollably.
She wrote: ‘I couldn’t stop crying. At that moment something struck me and I grabbed a kitchen knife.
“I don’t know where the impulse came from. That night was the first time I cut myself. It was only a little bit on my forearm, and it calmed my hysterical sobs.”
Last week, Stassi shared that she’s not sure how to explain her self-harm scars to her 3-year-old daughter.
In an interview with Bustle, she shared, “When I look at myself naked, Hartford sees a little line and goes, ‘Mommy, ouch.'”
‘I think, “Oh God, that feels gross. How can I ever explain to her that this is something I chose for myself?”‘
“It just feels like it’s a secret, and I don’t like secrets. I think maybe that’s part of why I do what I do β podcasts, just living out loud,” she added.
‘Because there’s this feeling of, “I’m free. Everyone knows my shit. I don’t have to hide anything.”
For help with self-harm, contact Crisis Text Line, a nonprofit organization that provides free, confidential self-harm support 24/7 in English and Spanish.
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