British expat’s brutal rant about the ‘makeup-wearing men’, unbearably cold weather and road rage in Australia: ‘Insane lunatics’

A British man living in Australia has unleashed an unbridled tirade about everything no one told him before he moved Down Under.

Andrew Lea, an experienced dog trainer who drops by Dogman Downundersent Facebook into a frenzy this week with his epic rant about life in Australia.

Andrew, who lives in Warwick, Queensland, was told that Australia was the ‘land of milk and honey’ with ‘big, cheap houses’ and ‘jobs galore’.

Thinking it all sounded great, he and his partner left ‘cold England’, only to discover to their dismay a ‘great gulf between the city and the country’.

‘The men in the city spend more time putting on make-up than the women. They walk around in gangs and talk about hair gel when they’re not staring at their latest game on the phone,” he said.

But then he met the men in the countryside who “eat raw crocodiles for breakfast and walk around barefoot in the bushes, ignoring the seventeen deadliest snakes in the world that wrap themselves around their legs.”

‘[They do so] while listening to country music that told the story of how the last love of their lives ran off with their best friend and how their dog died,” he continued, before turning to the Australian wildlife.

‘The sea… they haven’t talked about it: if the crocodiles and sharks don’t eat you, the jellyfish will make up for the shortfall. If you manage to get out of the cracks that drag you out to sea and then get to the beach, flies will attack and bite you. Yes… the flies bite you too.

‘How about a picnic? I do not think so. The ants will eat you alive.”

After dealing with the mosquitoes, snakes, spiders, swooping magpies and other intimidating creatures, Mr Lea then covered the ‘crazies’ on the road.

“Finally you will get to your car and here you will discover the Australian homo sapiens, the kindest people on earth turning into raging, crazed lunatics when they get into a car and have no idea of ​​left and right,” he said.

Andrew Lea is an experienced dog trainer

Andrew is still acclimating to the Australian winters

Andrew ended his rant with the ‘worst of them all’: the Australian winters.

“They didn’t tell me how cold it was in the winter,” he said.

His post was all in good fun though, as he reassured everyone that he’s staying in Australia ‘because it’s a mental country full of weirdos and I love it because I fit right in’.

He loves Australian wine because it is ‘the best in the world’, the beautiful nature and the beautiful birds – even when they ‘screech’.

As a dog trainer, he also loves the love that Aussies have for their pets.

‘There are thousands of dogs here and the Aussies love their dogs. What wasn’t in the brochure was that they like monster dogs,” he joked.

‘The most popular dog in Australia is a 40kg Pigdog. A Ridgeback x Pitbull x Dane x Mastive x Wolverine x Rottie x Tasmanian Devil. All these dogs have one mission in life and that is to kill each other, and better yet… kill me.”

Users were quick to agree with Lea’s vivid portrait of life in Australia, with one person saying ‘Straya 100%’ and another calling the rant a ‘classic’.

Ella Wilson felt ‘ripped’ after failing to see a koala in the wild after six months in Australia

Another person joked that Andrew sounded “a bit princessy.”

“What do you expect when you move to Woop Woop?” They wrote.

Andrew isn’t the only British expat to feel cheated after arriving in Australia.

Ella Wilson, also from Britain, says she feels “ripped off” after visiting Australia to see the koalas.

Ella had been in Australia for six months and still hadn’t seen a koala in the wild.

This was even after walking for an hour and “looking up every tree,” she said.

Her disappointment prompted the following warning in a video viewed more than 95,000 times on TikTok: “Australia is a scam. Do not come’.