Timothy McLaughlin, 42, felt the need to respond and write his own obituary for his father James J. Becker, 81, photo, a retired firefighter from Milford, Connecticut
A scathing obituary written by a son who was disowned by his late firefighter father a decade earlier has been immediately removed from the internet.
The writer, Timothy McLaughlin, 42, felt the need to respond to an obituary for his father James J. Becker, 81, a retired firefighter from Milford, Connecticut.
The tribute described Becker, who was a Jehovah’s Witness, as a lover of his faith. Becker enjoyed camping, road trips to Florida and Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune, it said.
But there was one sentence in particular that McLaughlin disagreed with: “The quality that many will remember him most fondly for was his love of people,” the family obituary said.
McLaughlin, who was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness believer but later left the faith, explained how he was ostracized and shunned by the family for a decade after leaving the religion.
He described feeling deeply hurt at having been ‘ostracized’ and estranged from his father since October 1, 2013 – so he decided to put things right.
Timothy McLaughlin, 42, left, is pictured next to his husband, Joseph McLaughlin
McLaughlin’s version of his father’s obituary read in part: “The previous obituary written by the family was highly misleading. It was true in saying that the part of James’ life he valued most was his religion as a Jehovah’s Witness, but it was not stated to what extent… this included denying and shunning his adult son, Timothy, when he chose to leave prison. religion in October 2013.’
McLaughlin’s obituary drew attention on social media as he attempted to correct what he saw as glaring omissions and misrepresentations in the family’s first tribute.
He emphasized that the family’s obituary failed to acknowledge the extent of his father’s denial and shunning of him after he left the Jehovah’s Witnesses faith, which he describes as “cult-like.”
McLaughlin said that “shunning” is required by the religion when it is officially “excluded.”
But 24 hours later, the obituary was removed from the website.
Legacy, the platform through which he attempted to publish this obituary, withdrew the obituary, citing references to family conflicts and negative comments about the deceased as reasons for withdrawing the obituary.
Legacy, the platform through which he tried to publish it, cited references to family conflicts and negative comments about the deceased as reasons for withdrawing the obituary.
The second obituary was also scheduled to appear in a Connecticut newspaper on Sunday, but was later retracted.
McLaughlin seems to be at peace with the decision, as he said everyone he wanted to see has already done so.
‘Everyone I want to see has seen it. It served its purpose: to take control of the narrative,” McLaughlin said The morning call. “Writing that obituary was very cathartic.”
He explained that writing the obituary was a profound experience for him.
McLaughlin felt the need to write his obituary to his father after he was essentially shunned by his family after leaving the Jehovah’s Witnesses religion
After expressing condolences, the site that removed the post, Legacy, wrote: “We cannot publish this obituary because it refers to family disputes and contains negative references about the deceased.” McLaughlin received a full refund.
McLaughlin, who is openly gay and married to Joseph McLaughlin for eight years, was surprised to be named in the family’s first obituary as one of his father’s surviving children.
However, he was hurt by the omission of his husband’s name and their relationship, but he included such details in his own version.
“The previous obituary also failed to mention my dear husband of eight years, Joseph McLaughlin, whom they never wanted to meet and refuse to acknowledge,” Timothy wrote.
“They didn’t attend our wedding, never met our son while we were in foster care, and never set foot in our home (even though our home is welcoming to all!).
McLaughlin notes how he came out as gay to his parents at the age of 23. Although homosexuality is considered a sin in the faith, he was allowed to remain in the religion as long as he remained celibate, which he now believes is an unnatural expectation.
He acknowledged that while his father had some positive qualities, such as his love of Yahtzee and other activities, he criticized the family’s obituary for not addressing the pain and dehumanization he experienced after the fallout due to his differing beliefs.
“None of them even contacted me when my father died,” McLaughlin added. “I discovered it second hand.”
Despite the challenges, McLaughlin feels compelled to speak out and shed light on his experiences for others who may be struggling with similar situations within the Jehovah’s Witnesses faith.
‘I must say that despite all the pain they have caused, my life is full of love and happiness and the loss is truly theirs. Thank you to all our friends who have expressed their condolences over the past week, despite the complicated circumstances,” he wrote.
McLaughlin notes how he came out as gay to his parents at the age of 23.
Although homosexuality is considered a sin in the faith, he was allowed to remain in the religion as long as he remained celibate, which he now believes is an unnatural expectation.
“I’m not trying to vilify the individuals who make up the constituency,” McLaughlin clarified.
“The organization focuses on some of the kindest, most well-meaning people who are at a vulnerable time in their lives or who are desperate for answers,” he said.
Jehovah’s Witnesses released a statement in response to McLaughlin’s claims.
‘Jehovah’s Witnesses respect the free will and right of every individual to decide what religious beliefs he or she may have. We believe that every individual has the right to change their belief system, should they decide to do so. With that in mind, we do not force our beliefs on anyone,” the statement reads in part.