Let’s face it, we all go through times when we can’t handle having sex.
Whether you’re too busy, going through a bored sex phase, or just dead tired, sometimes it feels like another chore on the to-do list.
Everyone has the right to say no to sex – and saying no you should, if you really can’t think of anything worse.
But our sex life is like a bank account, you have to make a deposit every now and then to keep the balance healthy.
Not all sex sessions have to be marathons, the feeling that sex has to last for a certain amount of time is what keeps couples from having it.
We all go through times when we can’t handle having sex. Whether you’re too busy, going through a bored sex phase, or just plain exhausted, sometimes it feels like just another chore on the to-do list (stock image)
But what if sex could only last a few minutes…with your partner completely satisfied at the end?
Here are some practical ways to wind it up and finish it quickly when you’re lazy, bored, or busy.
Get in the mood
1. Simmer. Get in the mood before you’re even physically together. The more excited he is before you even touch him, the faster he will come to an orgasm.
This takes little effort: send a text to say what you plan to do that evening. Keep it simple: “I want you in me tonight.” Or “Wait until you see what happens once the kids are in bed.” Go dirtier if you want. Up the ante by sending a sexy photo instead. It doesn’t have to be explicit: a hint of cleavage, an artistic shot of the side of your leg and curve of your buttocks.
This makes him think about sex all day long. By the time you put a hand on him, he’s ready to go.
2. Feel him up in public. When eating out, choose a restaurant with long tablecloths and feel under the table, preferably while the waiter takes your order.
3. Sexy hug him on the way home. Stop in the street and give a quick, sexy French kiss. Or do it on the bus, subway or in your Uber. It doesn’t have to be long and creepy, a quickie will do. Make him look and feel like a rock god.
Tracey Cox (pictured) gives some ways to wind him up quickly and finish him off quickly if you’re feeling lazy
4. Put on heels. Take off your underpants, change your bra for a push-up bra, put on heels and you’re done! It takes minimal effort to add heels before having sex, but it looks like you really put in the effort. Plays in his eyes: men are very visual.
5. Don’t ask for sex, just take it. Skip the niceties, grab him as soon as he enters, unzip him, undress him and deliver expert oral sex. Start to finish, it’ll be over in three minutes.
6. Watch porn with him. Men’s brains are trained to have an orgasm quickly by quickly watching porn: it comes from the fear that they will be caught (by mom, a friend).
Since many women feel threatened when he watches it, it is even more fun if you watch it with him. (Some women mistakenly assume that if he watches porn, he desires the woman more than her.
Wrong: Recent research shows that porn is just entertainment for most men. They click and enjoy everything, half the time without even registering what the person on screen looks like.
It is the act that usually interests him, not the person. Choose something female-friendly and attractive and wind yourself up while you’re at it.
7. Moan. Such a simple act with powerful skills to raise. Moaning is something that disappears in long-term relationships – we moan during high-intensity sex, which lessens as we get more used to each other.
We associate moaning with sex that’s lusty and erotic: hear it from a long-term partner and it’s a welcome reminder that they still think we’re sexy after all.
8. Talk dirty. It doesn’t have to be crude or vulgar. The best dirty talk simply describes what is happening. “You look so horny when you do that” or “Your tongue feels great.”
Stimulation
9. Use dual stimulation. When you give him oral sex, reach up and play with his nipples. Bite his neck as you jerk him off. Grip his butt cheeks firmly during intercourse.
Play with his testicles. Introduce stimulation to a new hot spot and you’ll protect yourself from the desensitization that happens when you stay in one spot for too long.
10. Touch yourself. Play with your breasts. Stroke between your legs. Put his fingers in your mouth and suck on them. Maintain eye contact. Yes, it’s porny, but that’s the point.
11. Use an arousal gel. These are gels designed to heighten sensation; they are infused with ingredients that provide a tingling sensation around the clitoris, labia or penis. CBD arousal gels and lubes are also popular.
12. Get in position! Choose an intercourse position that allows for deep penetration and quick thrusting – both are likely to get him ready faster.
If you’ve been in the same position for ages, changing positions will revive and – again – reduce the desensitization. There is some evidence that men come faster when they have doggy style sex.
13. Let him see you. Men are natural voyeurs, so choose positions where he can see your breasts bouncing up and down; open your legs wide.
14. Go harder, faster harder. When you have intercourse, lift your hips to meet his, rub against his pelvis, ask him to go faster, deeper, harder.
15. Add a finger. If he’s about to orgasm but seems stuck in the almost stage, add some anal stimulation. (You may want to warn him first, if you’re not sure he’ll like it.)
Apply some lube and use your little finger to play around the entrance of the anus or insert it all the way. Not only does it tickle various nerve endings – and there are many in the anus – the forbidden element alone will push him over the edge.
If he enjoys this, try using a prostate stimulator next time. These are toys specially designed to massage his “P” spot. Devotees claim that the prostate orgasms are the most intense you can get – and happen quickly.
16. Does he/you dislike anal play? Try to put pressure on his perineum (the hairless area between his scrotum and anus). Depending on the position you’re in, press firmly on the area with your thumb or hold your hand in an “L” shape and push firmly up between his legs. This indirectly massages the prostate.
17. Use a stroker on him. If you don’t enjoy doing them or feel like you can’t jerk off properly, this is the solution. ‘Strokers’ are masturbation sleeves for men. Usually made of soft, ribbed silicone, you slide it over an erect (lubricated) penis, hold it tight and move it up and down the shaft. They are cheap, but they are one of the most popular male sex toys on the market for a reason.
Keep eye contact while you interact with him. Force him to look at you all the time. Sexier than it sounds.
18. Use a vibrator on you. Women have been pretending to have sex for centuries to get rid of it. Instead of depriving yourself of an orgasm, have a real orgasm by giving him your vibrator and letting him take you to climax.
19. Sit back and watch. Do you want the ultimate effortless sex session? Tell him it drives you crazy to see him having fun, then relax and let him do all the work!
Tracey has two product ranges with lovehoney.co.uk – Tracey Cox Supersex and Edge. Listen to her podcast, SexTok with Tracey and Kelsey, wherever you listen to your podcasts.