The sexual habit you should never try to ban your husband from! TRACEY COX reveals how some women try to ban solo sex – and warns it can lead to resentment and hamper his performance in bed
Almost everyone masturbates – 95 percent of men and 81 percent of women admit to doing so.
That’s probably why nine out of ten of us feel comfortable with our partner continuing to do this at some point in a relationship. Most believe it complements partner sex and contributes to erotic satisfaction.
But not everything. Some women believe that masturbation is not necessary or appropriate in a relationship because the man needs to satisfy all his sexual needs with his partner.
Others believe that solo sex is treason and that partner sex is the only sex allowed. Even more people believe that watching porn – the icing on the cake of solo sex – is both cheating and disgusting.
British relationship and sex expert Tracey Cox revealed the impact of stopping your man from masturbating (stock image)
In some cases, women even demand that their partners stop solo sex and threaten to leave if they discover they have broken the “rules.”
They do this at their own risk, as this is likely what will happen if you stop your partner from doing what he wants with his own body.
He will be angry and angry
Understandably so. If someone told me I couldn’t use my vibrator when I was alone, my reaction would be outrage.
Masturbation is personal. If it doesn’t affect your sex life together in a negative way, it’s no one’s business except how and when you do it.
Privacy is the foundation for a happy, healthy relationship. Trying to control what your partner does with their body when you’re not there is a violation of that. What’s next? Tell them they can’t fantasize?
It’s also pointless.
Most men view masturbating to porn as nothing more than scratching a sexual itch and harmless entertainment. If he doesn’t see anything wrong with it, why would he stop doing it?
He assumes you don’t like sex
Very few women who enjoy masturbating would stop their partners from doing the same. Sex with yourself offers the opportunity to be completely free and selfish. There is no one to impress or be judged by. You can fantasize about it or watch whatever you like. It’s liberating, exciting and good for your libido.
Women who not only don’t mind their partner masturbating, but also have no judgment, tend to have a high libido and are adventurous in bed.
Tracey (pictured) said: ‘Some women believe that masturbation is not necessary or appropriate in a relationship because the man needs to satisfy all his sexual needs with his partner’
Couples who talk openly and honestly about masturbation are the couples who check the ‘extremely satisfied’ box in all sex studies.
“We’re joking about it,” one man told me. “She’ll try to guess which category of porn I choose. It’s the first time I don’t have to hide it or be secretive. I’ve never been happier.’
He will want to have sex with you much more often
It’s (obviously) okay not to want sex as often as your partner. It’s not okay to stop the only “acceptable” outlet he has to satisfy himself if you don’t want him to. That is both unfair and unethical.
Most couples have a difference in sexual urges one way or another. In almost all cases, the compromise on how often is made in favor of the person with the lower sex drive. If one person wants sex five times a week and the other wants sex five times a month, it is very unlikely that he or she will say, ‘Okay! That’s three times a week!’.
It’s usually not a real compromise. The only reason people agree to it is because they know the unspoken (or spoken) agreement is that they will try to satisfy themselves if partner sex isn’t offered.
Remove this and it’s a completely different story.
If you ask your partner to stop masturbating because you want him to have more sex with you, feel free to do so.
Asking them to stop having their sexual needs not met is unreasonable – and dangerous.
A sexually dissatisfied partner is an unhappy partner.
There’s no research linking not “allowing” him to masturbate to infidelity, but there’s plenty of anecdotal evidence to show that he may be more tempted to cheat.
He will have less control over his orgasm
Masturbating teaches us how our body works: what we like and don’t like. For women, solo sex is usually the way we first learn how to have an orgasm. It is an important tool for men to learn how to control ejaculation.
If he is a premature ejaculator – ejaculating before he or you are ready – it will probably happen more often when he stops masturbating. Not just because a solo sex session before he has sex with you means he will last longer. But because mastering the moment of pre-ejaculatory inevitability (the moment when his football team could come in, and it still wouldn’t prevent it from happening) is best mastered during masturbation. ‘Peaking’ – learning to control the levels of desire – is a technique that can only be performed during solo sex.
He will miss out on many health benefits
Supplementing the orgasms you already have with your partner with additional solo orgasms is great news for your health.
Masturbating provides stress and pain relief and strengthens your immune system. It improves heart health, reduces anxiety, reduces the risk of type 2 diabetes and may help prevent cancer in men. The more a man ejaculates, the lower his risk of prostate cancer.
It is also a natural sleeping pill. Regular orgasms trigger the release of oxytocin and endorphins, which improve our mood and make us feel happier and more satisfied.
The more orgasms your body has, the better it feels.
Is it ever okay to forbid your partner from masturbating?
No. But it’s okay to ask them to take a break from it if—and only if—the goal is to promote partnered sex.
If either of you masturbates regularly, stopping it can increase your desire for each other. Being each other’s only source of sexual stimulation can be incredibly erotic and bring you closer together.
It also ensures that you are more attuned to each other’s natural desire cycle. If your partner tells you every time he/she gets the urge to have sex, then you have a good indication of how often he/she really wants it. This can encourage both of you to be more honest with the “how often” compromise so that it doesn’t end up being so heavily skewed toward the person with a low sex drive.
Not watching porn can also have positive consequences, especially for men who confuse porn sex with real life sex. Porn is entertainment, not sex education. I also completely understand that some people find porn unethical as an industry.
Asking a partner not to watch porn – rather than asking them to stop masturbating – is a different request.
Tracey’s latest book, Great Sex Starts at 50, is the ultimate guide to happy, long-lasting sex. You can find information about Tracey’s other books, podcasts and products at traceycox.com.