Tracey Cox asked three women to ask an ex how they REALLY were in bed

Have you ever wondered what an ex REALLY thought of you as a lover? Or what was the REAL reason you broke up?

Unless you remain good friends and have the courage to ask questions, we rarely find the answers to these questions.

Until now.

I asked three women, with very different relationships with an ex, to reach out and ask them to reveal everything.

Spill the dirt on what they honestly thought about their relationship and sex life.

The results were fascinating.

‘IT WAS YOUR DRINKING, NOT THE FIGHTING, THAT BROUGHT US’

Kate, 40, dated Charlie for a year

“I was in a relationship with Charlie when I was 38. He was the most handsome man I had ever been with and I was in love with him. He dumped me because we were constantly arguing. I was heartbroken, but eventually we became polite acquaintances.”

CHARLIE’S VERDICT

The sex: ‘I remember the very first time we had sex. I undressed you and stroked you all over and you just sat back and watched me admire you. It was sexy at the time, but it was a hint of things to come. I feel like our sex was mostly about me pleasing you.

I liked that you were upfront about what you liked and disliked, although I bet a lot of guys are freaked out by how direct you are. I also love that you really like oral sex: I loved looking up to you to watch your orgasm. You really lose yourself in sex. The sex we had in the beginning was pretty amazing actually, when I think about it now.

The enthusiasm waned on both sides towards the end, but that’s because we fought all along. It’s a shame we didn’t get into ‘makeup sex’ because there were so many arguments there would have been a lot of them.”

The relation: “You already know I quit because I was getting physically sick from the constant arguing. It’s fine to yell at each other at 3am if you’re in your early twenties, but not if you have a business to run.

To be honest – and you’re not going to like this – it wasn’t the arguments that killed me, it was your drinking. The drinking caused the fights. Every fight we had happened when you were drunk. We’d be happy and good one minute and after that third or fourth glass of wine you’d turn into an angry girl. I know you feel insecure in relationships because both your parents had affairs, but it’s not my fault this happened. If you had drunk less – or better yet, given up – I would have stayed. I didn’t ask you because I knew what your answer would have been – no way!’

KATE’S RESPONSE:

“I wasn’t surprised to read his reaction about how I was in bed: I’ve had a couple of lovers hint at the same thing. In short, that I am sexually selfish. But I had no idea my drinking was such a big part of why we broke up! It makes me sad. If he had told me that at the time, we probably could have repaired the relationship. I am ashamed to be called to account, but I am aware that I have problems with alcohol and have already cut down a lot.’

‘MY FRIENDS NAMED HIM THE BIG BANANA’

Louise, 34, was in a casual relationship with Ben

‘Ben and I were in a relationship during the lockdown. We started out as friends and dutifully kept our distance, but always ended up kissing on the couch. It was weird, he came to second base and then went up and left just as it got hot and heavy. I couldn’t figure it out. I thought maybe he just didn’t love me.

One night he stuck around and revealed the biggest penis I had ever seen. (His nickname among my friends is “The Big Banana.”) It was so big that it never really got hard. When we had penetrative sex, which was rare, it felt like he was shoving a marshmallow into a parking meter. It was all so awkward! He would use one hand and try to stuff it in. He didn’t feel comfortable talking about this so we never did.

We liked each other quite a bit, but not enough to keep seeing each other after the lockdown was lifted.”

BEN’S VERDICT

the sex: “I never knew whether you loved me sexually or not. I struggle a little with sex. I need to feel that the woman really loves me – really wants to be there – before I can relax and enjoy it. Physically, I’m very confident: my penis is bigger than most, so I don’t have to worry about that. But I’m afraid the rest of my body isn’t up to par. I know you’ve dated muscular dudes in the past and I was aware of my stomach turning. I’m not sure if you’ve been faking an orgasm all along. Do you have?’

The relation: “We met during Covid and I doubt we would ever have become anything but friends under normal circumstances. I thought I loved you more than you loved me and I didn’t try to see you lift up afterwards because I thought that was just the deal. We laughed a lot though and I miss you.’

LOUISE’S REACTION: ‘Interesting that he thought his big penis was an asset when it made things awkward! He’s probably right, the relationship was a bit lopsided, but I didn’t care that he was carrying Covid pounds – so did I. And he understood me: yes, I sometimes pretended.’

“YOU DON’T EVEN LOOK AT ME DURING SEX”

Jess, 28, was with her husband for nine years

“I didn’t speak to my ex-husband for four years after we broke up, but we have now made peace for the sake of our two girls. I am genuinely curious to see what he will say on both counts. I guess I was the one who went off sex and so it’s my fault it all went pear shaped.

I would say we broke up because we had kids too early. Not sure why we didn’t wait a while. We both love our girls though, so maybe it won’t matter in the end.”

MATTS VERDICT

the sex: ‘It was all fun and playful the first few years. You would put on nice lingerie, we would watch porn, try all kinds of positions. You loved that I did it from behind. Four years and two kids later I was on top, no kisses and no enthusiasm at all from you. You didn’t even look at me during sex.

I know that happens in most relationships after kids, but because we had such great sex in the beginning, I felt extra ripped off. I know you were tired of taking care of the girls, but you didn’t even offer an occasional blowjob. You told me to be brutally honest, so I will be. I never really liked your blowjobs! I know you think you’re great at giving it, so I didn’t have to talk about your heart to tell you that your technique just wasn’t doing it for me.”

The relation: “Everything was great until the kids came along. Then it felt like you were blaming me for everything: the horrible pregnancies and deliveries, no sleep, no time for “you.” I think you resented that I was able to escape and get to work, but I felt the pressure too, just in a different way. I was constantly worried about money. I wish we’d made it for the kid’s sake, but I think things worked out just fine now, all things considered.”

REACTION FROM JESS

“I’m annoyed by BJ’s comment because I’ve never pretended to be good at it. I think I once said an ex enjoyed getting them from me, but that was the extent of it. Why didn’t he talk if he didn’t like what I was doing? By the way, he never offered to give me oral sex without obligation. It cuts both ways.

His answer about the relationship is exactly what I expected from him. No surprises there, because I’ve heard it all before. We were always competing about ‘who is worse off?’ price.’

Listen to Tracey on the Diary of a CEO podcast here. You can find her podcast, products, books and blog at traceycox.com.