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Tracee Ellis Ross has opened up about being single and childless at 50, saying she’s had to re-examine what femininity means now that she’s going through perimenopause.
The actress, who is the daughter of singing legend Diana Ross, opened up about the changes to her body during her appearance on ‘we can do hard things‘ podcast, which he co-hosts with his wife, former soccer star Abby Wambach, and sister, Amanda Doyle.
“For my entire life, I have been tied to a very routine cycle. And I’m very connected to my body, so I would know that I’m ovulating. I would have every feeling to know that,’ said Ross, who celebrated his birthday on October 29.
And all that goes out the window. And I’m turning 50. And here I am now in this open space, letting whatever’s here to bubble up.’
Tracee Ellis Ross opened up about being single at 50 and going through perimenopause during a candid chat on Glennon Doyle’s ‘We Can Do Hard Things’ podcast
Doyle (bottom right) co-hosts the podcast with his wife, former soccer star Abby Wambach (bottom left), and sister, Amanda Doyle (top right).
Perimenopause is the period before the body transitions to menopause, which is characterized by 12 months without menstruation. That it often begins between the ages of 45 and 55, although it can occur much earlier.
Some people may not have any noticeable symptoms, while others may experience changes in their monthly cycles, hot flashes, difficulty sleeping, moodiness, and irritability or depression, depending on the National Institute of Health (NIH).
The Black-ish star read an excerpt from her diary in which she questioned what it means to be fertile and reach the end of her reproductive years.
I can feel my body’s ability to make a child escape me. Sometimes I find it amusing, like there’s a clearance sale in my womb and someone yells, “Everything has to go,” she said.
“As my body becomes a foreign place to me that doesn’t really make me feel safe or at home… I don’t know how to manage, control or fight the external binary narrative of patriarchy that has haunted and haunted me the most. . of my adult life,’ she continued.
Ross explained that she is dealing with the end of her reproductive years when she feels “fertile with creativity” and “more womanly” than ever.
Ross (pictured with Kim Kardashian at her 50th birthday party) read an excerpt from her diary detailing how her body has become a “foreign place” for her.
‘Is it my fertility that leaves me? Is it my femininity? Or is it really neither? But I have to fight to keep my truth, because I have been programmed so successfully by the water we all swim in, by the water we all receive. And I feel fertile in creativity, full of power, more and more of a woman than ever. And yet, that power that I was told to use was not used.’
“I mean, I’m just trying to figure out what that means, because my ability to have a child is leaving me, but I don’t agree that that’s what fertile means, I don’t agree that that’s what female means.” , said. the hosts after she finished reading.
Ross shared her gratitude for how the transgender community has opened her eyes to how being a woman doesn’t have to be synonymous with having children.
“The freedom that the expansion around gender has offered me and the knowledge that the trans community shares with us is like, ‘Oh my gosh, thank you. Thank you for finally unboxing something that I didn’t have the ability to unpack.’ delivered in a culture that thought about it in such a limited way,” he said.
“But it is an incredible injustice that is imposed on all of us as human beings. That there is a path that is informed by this random construction that someone came up with around the genre. When I walk away, I say, “That’s a joke. Who did that?” Did you know. I’m like, ‘Who did that? That’s so silly.’
I can feel my body’s ability to make a child escape me. Sometimes I find it amusing, like there’s a clearance sale in my womb and someone yells, “Everything has to go,” she said.
The actress shared that she is grateful to be able to look at not having children ‘with curiosity instead of angst’
Ross, who adores her nieces and nephews, said she’s in tune with her motherly side even though she doesn’t have any children.
‘I tell people this all the time, I’m a wonderful mother. And I’m very motherly. And it’s been hard for me to affirm that. In a world where I don’t have the thing that says…’ she said, trailing off.
She later shared how she’s grateful to be able to view not having children “with curiosity instead of angst.”
“Anguish arises, and I can hold it with care and love and then say, remind myself, ‘I woke up every morning of my life and tried to do the best I could, so I’m supposed to be where I’m supposed to be. be,” he said.
Ross also had to change the way he viewed singlehood, saying it has given him the freedom to create the life and family of his choosing.
‘I’ve been single for a long time. I’ve had a lot of wonderful ins and outs of things, but no one was left in the pan,” she explained. “As a result, I get to heal my family, my chosen family around me. And I don’t think I realized that until I started to get old.’
Ross, who is the daughter of singing legend Diana Ross, is a doting aunt to her nieces and nephews. I am very motherly. And it’s been hard for me to affirm that,’ she said.
Ross also had to change the way he viewed singlehood, saying it has given him the freedom to create the life and family of his choosing.
However the The Pattern founder admitted she’s “afraid to be a burden” to her friends because she’s single and childless, an insecurity society has forced on her.
“We return to this model that they sell you, that they not only sell it to us, but they give it to us to eat and we have to drink it and it is everywhere. And if you’re not careful, you really believe it’s true. And it’s the only news to you, that my job as a woman is to learn how to be eligible,” she said.
‘It has nothing to do with who I am, what makes my heart sing, makes my boat float, makes me feel safe, makes me feel comfortable, makes me feel good, makes me feel powerful, makes me feel smart. Any of those things. But really it’s more about how I can be seen, so that I can be chosen so that my life can mean something as a chosen woman who can then have a child and then be a mother and do that for a child.
‘Everything starts to fall into that message. And then if you’re a black woman, there’s another blah blah blah,” she added. There are so many different versions of that. But that’s like that general thing as a woman.
Ross explained that this pressure can also have a negative effect on your platonic relationships.
“Your friends also fall into that hole,” he said. “So if you didn’t get picked for a guy, then you’re going to fill that whole God-sized hole and all that different stuff with a friend, and then you become the best of friends. And then it all gets tangled up and it gets really confusing.