The most uncomfortable journey of my life was spent in economy class between two overweight passengers on a crowded overnight flight from London Heathrow to New Delhi.
Real human elephants they were, with buttocks, thighs and upper arms of logs stretching far into my territory in the middle seat.
For nine hours I suffered there, barely able to breathe, my shoulders hunched and my elbows tucked in front of my chest, finding it nearly impossible to maneuver my food and drink into my mouth without spilling it all over my shirt.
If you’ve ever sat down to a Christmas dinner for ten around a kitchen table designed for six, you understand my problem.
I was reminded of that flight this week when I read that an American woman described as a “major travel influencer” is campaigning for airlines to offer free extra seats to passengers of her size, taking up two or even three seats each . It is apparently a matter of their human rights.
TOM UTLEY: The most uncomfortable journey of my life was spent in economy class between two overweight passengers (stock image)
“People with a smaller body pay one fare to get to their destination,” says Jaelynn Chaney, who keeps her weight private but admits her dresses are an impressive size 6XL (that’s UK 24, or European size 50). “But we have to pay two rates even though we get the same experience. At least our experiences are a bit more challenging.”
Call me a brute, but I would have thought that if she wanted her air travel experience to be a little less challenging, the cure would be in her own hands.
Isn’t it just possible that her discomfort in a single chair has something to do with the quantity and quality of her diet?
Dare I say, wouldn’t it be in her power to slim down if only she limited her calorie intake?
You can’t, says her advocate Gabor Lukacs, the founder of an organization called Air Passenger Rights. “Being a great person is not a choice,” he says, “as many people mistakenly think.”
In one sentence he rejects the age-old idea that people have free will.
I am reminded of that brilliant comedian Peter Cook’s waspish retort when someone said it wasn’t Elizabeth Taylor’s fault she put on weight. It was all because of her glands.
“I know, poor woman,” he said. ‘There she sits, in her suite at the Dorchester, innocently watching television. Suddenly her glands pick up the phone and order two dozen eclairs and a bottle of cognac.
I was reminded of that flight this week when I read that an American woman, described as a “major travel influencer,” is campaigning to have airlines offer free extra seats to passengers of her substantial proportions. Pictured: Jaelynn Chaney
“No,” she yells, “please, I beg you!” but her glands pay no attention. Determined glands they are, her glands.
‘You’ve never known such glands. The trolley arrives and Elizabeth Taylor hides in the bathroom, but her glands, her glands grab the eclairs, smash the door and stuff them down her throat.
‘I’m glad I don’t have glands like that. Terrible glands.’
All I’m saying, cruel as this may sound, is that you don’t see many morbidly obese people among the wretched souls fleeing starvation in refugee camps.
Now, as regular readers will quickly notice, I am the last person on earth qualified to get on my high horse and preach to people gripped by addictions. After all, I have an abhorrent habit of smoking 50 cigarettes a day and I know how terribly hard it is to quit. I suppose the same goes for people addicted to donuts and candy, Big Macs and chips.
In fact, I’m sure it’s only my half century of addiction to nicotine that has kept my own weight between 10½ and 11e since I was 18 – or rather less, the past few months, since my rotting teeth have been eating it started to make it a bit of an ordeal.
It’s almost certain that if I quit smoking right now and got my teeth fixed, I’d trade the hit I get from my Marlboro Reds for the comfort of overeating. No doubt my figure would swell, as has happened to so many of my friends, stronger-willed than mine, who have managed to wean themselves from the bad weeds.
(I hasten to say that I can’t recommend chain smoking or avoiding the dentist as completely satisfactory ways to lose weight. The former is cripplingly expensive, over £14 a pack these days. As for the latter, I find that children tend to scream and run away terrified when I laugh.)
All I will say in my defense is that I fully recognize my weakness, that I do not blame anyone else, and that, as far as possible, I try to prevent my self-indulgence from causing discomfort to others and never light up in the presence of people who object to make.
Oh, and unlike Jaelynn Chaney, who seems to believe that all passengers on a flight should share the cost of allocating an extra seat, I don’t expect anyone else to suffer financially because I won’t bother to my anti-social habit. Yes I know. Anti-smoking fanatics will tell me my vice is costing the healthcare system a fortune, estimated by NHS England at £2.6bn a year.
To them I can only point to the Office for Budget Responsibility’s estimate that tobacco excise duty alone will bring in £10.4bn in the current financial year.
What’s more, the obesity epidemic would cost a whopping £14 billion a year, which is the amount the NHS would save if everyone were at a healthy weight.
That’s according to an authoritative study last month led by Dr Jonathan Pearson-Stuttard, a public lecturer at Imperial College London and head of health analysis at a consultancy, Lane Clark & Peacock.
But no, I’m not for a moment disputing Jaelynn Chaney’s right to be fat. Nor do I begrudge overweight people the subsidy they already enjoy from occupying a single seat from other passengers, as every extra pound of flab on board increases the amount of fuel an airplane needs and thus drives up fares for everyone.
Isn’t it just possible that her discomfort in a single chair has something to do with the quantity and quality of her diet? (file image)
Still less would I suggest that the NHS in the UK should refuse to treat patients who have caused their own suffering – whether they are smokers, fat people, speeding drivers or enthusiasts of dangerous sports.
All I’m saying is that Jaelynn needs to acknowledge her personal responsibility for her sheer size and accept that she can do something about it, if only she puts her mind to it. As with me and my smoking (okay, Ms. U, and my drinking too), she has a choice.
No doubt I will be roundly condemned for ‘fat-shaming’. But then we nicotine addicts are constantly shamed for our habit, banned like lepers from confined public spaces, and scolded by warnings on our cigarette packs that our selfishness harms others around us and stunts the growth of our unborn babies.
But you won’t hear many of us lament that this is a violation of our human rights.
In fact, I’d argue that shaming smokers, whether by governments of every color or by hosts at private parties telling us to light up in the yard or on the street, “if you really have to,” improves lung health of the country has improved.
Of course, annual tobacco tax increases have been by far the most influential factor in reducing the number of smokers in the UK from around 40 per cent of the adult population in the 1970s to the mere 13.3 per cent recorded in the UK census. 2021. But the campaign to shame us must have certainly helped.
Likewise, couldn’t a piece of joint fat-shaming help slim down Britain’s bum and save our own growing army of Jaelynns from themselves?
But let me end with a plea for airline check-in staff around the world. As a nicotine addict, I have a lot of sympathy for people who can’t bring themselves to say no to that extra piece of cake. But the next time a few human elephants waddle up to your desk, please don’t put me in between them.