I’ve cursed out referees. I’m not proud to admit it and I’ve never had a good feeling about it after the final whistle. Sometimes I apologized. Sometimes I would go home, look in the mirror and think, ‘Jesus, Tim. Shame on you’.
It would be naive to think that referees would just let things like that happen. Would they still think I’m a nice guy? No.
They probably thought I was an idiot. They probably called me a you-know-what. They probably had a bad taste in their mouth and wondered: who does this man think he is?
So I hold my hands up – I played my part in breeding this culture of abuse. I, like every player and every manager, had a God complex.
We think we can do and say whatever we want without having to pay the price. The truth is, what if I shout at a referee over and over again and expect him to give me an offside or a free kick? The joke is on me.
David Coote (above) described Jurgen Klopp as a ‘German ****’ in foul-mouthed rant
DailyMail.com columnist Tim Howard is not proud of the way he has treated referees during his career
Because referees are people and are allowed to have an opinion. Of course, we all say that public officials must rise above the abuse and remain neutral. They can’t get caught up in the emotion, they have to be robotic.
But who are we fooling? Who’s going to put up with all that aggression and all that abuse and think, ‘Yes, me still really like him’?
So no, David Coote wasn’t wrong when he called Jurgen Klopp a ‘bastard’. The mistake he made was allowing himself to be filmed. That cannot be undone and he will pay the price.
But this could be a turning point for football. This is an opportunity for players and managers to realize: I can influence referees both positively and negatively. And if I’m not careful, I’ll turn him against us.
Sir Alex Ferguson cast a very big shadow on the touchline and it worked – remember Fergie Time?
David Moyes was more understanding. I played under him for VAR and he knew how to keep referees out while also letting them know how he felt.
And then there was Roberto Martinez, who remained calm, calculated and fair in the way he dealt with officials.
One tactic I found useful? When you spoke to a referee, you wanted to know his name.
Coote and former Liverpool boss Klopp have clashed several times over the years
The goalkeeper has had to deal with Premier League referees week in, week out for thirteen years
There are people who shout ‘ref!’ or ‘lino!’. But I always remember thinking, if I have something to say, if I want to be strict, call them by their first name and it will sound different.
Some people always call me ‘goalkeeper’ or ‘Howard’. I hated that. When someone calls me Tim, even if they’re talking to me, I immediately have more respect for them.
In all my years in the Premier League I have never felt that a referee was biased for – or against – my team. Those stories are just made up by fan bases.
But words and actions matter. Small gestures matter. They all make a difference to what a referee thinks of you and – rest assured – they can influence decisions.