I love a good love story. I like romance. I love seeing couples find their soulmate, even if it’s their second or third time.
So I was genuinely happy to see it pictures of strapping NRL legend Sam Burgess this weekend on the beach in Noosa with his new wife Lucy Graham and their 10-month-old daughter Robbie.
Just behind the star-studded wedding of famous accountant Anthony Bell, when I saw these two sun-kissed Brits lying in the surf, I thought to myself, ‘Oh, to be young again!’
I also couldn’t help but smile, knowing that Sam is happy again after his horrible, lengthy divorce from his first wife, Phoebe Burgess, with whom he shares a son and daughter.
But there was just one lurch looking with envy at their sun-kissed PDA and Lucy’s impeccably toned body in one A string bikini? Oh, maybe…
Before I had a chance to dwell on that, another set of dazzling photos suddenly popped up – this time of divorced Nova radio host Tim Blackwell, 43, debuting his much younger girlfriend Lizzie Baxter, 28, at the ARIA Awards ..
In her latest column for Mail+, Amanda Goff responds to the much-discussed photos of Sam Burgess and his new wife Lucy on the beach in Noosa
She also has some thoughts on radio host Tim Blackwell, 43, who is going public with his 28-year-old radio producer girlfriend Lizzie Baxter
I wasn’t the only one to notice the uncanny resemblance between Lizzie, a producer for Fitzy & Wippa, and Tim’s ex-wife Monique, the mother of his three children.
When they were first pictured together, there was some commentary about their age difference, but I won’t criticize him for that.
Anyway, this isn’t a column about it celebrity couples. Famous people, like all of us, are allowed to move on – and I am the first to throw the confetti when two people find love again after an unhappy marriage.
What I want to talk about is ‘the replacement’.
It’s a concept every woman understands: a man gets divorced, picks himself up, dusts himself off… and ends up dating a “younger model.”
Yes, we can say we’re happy for you (and we are!) but us women all whisper the same thing to each other when we see pictures of Sam and Lucy or Tim and Lizzie – or any of the millions divorced men replacing Model A with Model B.
“Here we go again.”
It’s the ultimate cliché, a story as old as the hills, and as a woman who turned 50 this year, I’m sure I’m not alone.
‘What I want to talk about is ‘the replacement’. It’s a concept every woman understands: a man gets divorced, picks himself up, dusts himself off… and ends up dating a younger model’
Whenever this happens – and it happens often – we are filled with a deepening sense of dread. Have I passed my sell-by date?
Now I don’t need to tell you how hard dating is in Australia; Just listen to the conversations women of all ages have with each other across the country, recapping their somber dates over a glass of wine or coffee, and you’ll understand.
If it’s hard for them, imagine being the older ex-wife literally holding the baby.
While older women are often a fantasy for men under 30, men who date after divorce are generally after one thing: newer, shiny, younger versions of their ex-wives.
They may wallow at first, but we’ve all seen divorced men miraculously get back into the dating pool and come out with a whole new family almost identical to the last, complete with a younger wife and a newborn baby. The only difference this time is that they are a little older and softer around the edges.
I’m always amazed at how similar the new women look to the exes too. And so the cycle repeats.
My theory is that divorced men just can’t be alone. They have trouble being single. They find it difficult to come home to an empty house, to ask for a table at restaurants, to attend events without a woman hanging on their arm.
Divorced women, on the other hand, love their loneliness; they bask in that.
“I’m always amazed at how similar the new women seem to the exes too,” Amanda writes. (Pictured left: Tim Blackwell and his new girlfriend Lizzie Baxter at the ARIA Awards yesterday; and right: Blackwell with his ex-wife Monique at an Oscars party in March 2018)
Most of my divorced girlfriends, myself included, swear off men and vow never to live with one again, let alone marry. Why invite chaos again?
But it still hurts to know that I can’t compete with a younger woman for the attention of a man my age – even if I don’t really want to.
Believe me, I don’t want to be younger anymore. Right now I am older, wiser and happier than I have ever been. A big part of that is accepting that my body doesn’t look like it used to and that new wrinkles appear every year (well, that’s what I have Botox for).
Another reason for my happiness is that I don’t have to worry about the arguments, stress and slamming doors that marriage can bring. I’m sure Monique, Phoebe and all the other ex-wives feel the same way.
Tim, Sam, I wish you all the best. I know you mean no harm, and I hope your new relationships bring you all the happiness your previous ones didn’t.
But think about your exes – and the rest of us.