TikToker compiles massive list of reasons to not have children, creates honest dialogue on pregnancy

The phrase ‘where’s the girl on the list’ has become increasingly common in the comments section of pregnancy and maternity videos on TikTok in the last year.

Mundane at first, ‘the list’ and a TikToker have become synonymous with telling and sharing the truth when it comes to the ups and downs of parenting.

The list refers to a record of more than 20 pages compiled by a social media user. YuniqueThoughtsa live document that updates every time people tag her in the comments of a video in which a father shares his horror story.

The ‘List of Advantages and Disadvantages of Having Yuni’s Children’ itself has 20 pages dedicated to the disadvantages, about 350 bullets, while the advantages occupy only two pages and 35 points.

It’s become a point of both controversy and relief for those who say it opens up an honest conversation about what it’s really like to be a parent, and how sometimes it’s a lot more complicated than it seems.

According to the about page On the listing’s website, the idea began after the author, who goes by Yuni, saw a family member “struggle through the pregnancy with a smile on her face.”

“While watching, I also learned a lot about pregnancy and childbirth that has never been talked about, yet many women go through the same thing,” Yuni wrote.

The author, who has been offline since August, writes that the entire list was compiled from personal experience and TikTok interactions that helped open her eyes to the heart of the matter.

“Ultimately, I want my list to prepare those who are committed to becoming amazing parents and also remind others that if they ever want to have a child, these are just a few things to consider,” Yuni writes.

The list of cons includes everything from common pregnancy problems like bloating, fatigue, and constant urination, to rare but scary complications.

Things like ‘the baby may refuse all food during the pregnancy and may need an IV throughout the pregnancy, melanonychia, a condition in which the fingernails may turn black, and ‘the pelvis may split in half or crack’.

Critics of the list have said it highlights rare issues and relies on scaremongering to deliver an anti-children agenda.

Proponents, however, say it provides a comprehensive but not exhaustive look at what parenting and pregnancy can look like.

A woman who spoke to NBC News about the list said her first interaction with the list was when someone commented on a video she made about postpartum depression, writing: ‘where’s the girl on the list?’

Sarah Biggers-Stewart, the content creator who spoke to NBC, said she thinks the list is “a powerful tool for self-defence.’

‘I was totally shocked by all the things that could happen to you. And that’s even in today’s modern world, which is staggering with the amount of research and access we have at our fingertips,” Biggers-Stewart said.

The mom told NBC that she thinks the list, and TikTok in general, have done a great job of providing an alternative perspective on parenting.

She believes that other social media platforms have created unrealistic expectations and curated images of what pregnancy and parenting look like and that is far from the case.

There are so many different types of complications, and it can be really brutal for women. So I thought, this is empowering.

The idea behind the movement, while controversial, has also been applauded by those in the medical field who know how dangerous and sugar-coated pregnancy can be.

‘What people expect is that those who have complications get pregnant sick. That’s why you had complications, or you didn’t take care of yourself, or you smoked, or you didn’t eat right,” said Dr. Shannon Clark, an obstetrician-gynecologist who specializes in treating high-risk pregnancies.

“It was always kind of blaming the victim, that people who had pregnancy complications probably did something to cause it. But what we’re realizing now is that that’s not always the case,” she continued.

In a video under the hashtag ‘unique thoughts’, a woman shared her story of a botched epidural and ‘excruciating pain’ that resulted in a last-minute C-section and her heart rate dropping repeatedly during the procedure.

In another video posted to the app, a woman shares her horror story by showing off her torn earlobe, which appears to have been caused by a torn earring.

‘Where is that girl with the list, the list of reasons not to have children because look what my son did to me?’, says the woman showing her ear.

“He’s a fucking Pac-man,” says the mother as she opens her earlobe.

She captioned her video: “If you want a reason not to have kids.”

Another woman who has more than 16 million followers on TikTok had the comments section of her video flooded with viewers referencing the list after talking about how her son bit her nipple while breastfeeding.

That video received more than 290,000 likes and thousands of comments.

Briggers-Stewart just a few weeks ago shared a video where he addressed another video made about the list in which a woman said she believed the list was negative.

The woman, Briggers-Stewart says in her video, claimed that the list “scared women about pregnancy.”

The content creator said through her own first-hand experience as a mother and a “very pregnant person” that watching the other video upset her.

Briggers-Stewart points out that the list is not meant to be scary or anything like that, but rather a tool made by women for other women.

She said not talking about these complicated issues that are rare but still happen can isolate women who feel like they’re weird.

The mom-to-be said she experienced a litany of problems in her first pregnancy, including gestational diabetes and severe insomnia, both of which went largely unsaid.

“All the girlfriends I’ve had who had pregnancies had magical, beautiful, lovely pregnancies. I was sick from the day I found out I was pregnant until the day I gave birth,” she told NBC News.

“I really think that when women think they’re the only one experiencing this particular aspect of pregnancy, they’re less likely to talk to their doctors and less likely to advocate for themselves because they feel foolish,” she continued.

The message in her video resonated with TikTok users and her video received nearly 80,000 likes and more than 1,500 comments.

‘Pregnancy is romanticized too much, so I love the list. it shows the reality of what can happen,” wrote one commenter.

‘I wish I had had that pregnancy list before I got pregnant. I was NOT prepared for what happened to me and the school system did not tell me either,’ wrote another.

“Before I was pregnant, the worst things I heard about pregnancy were morning sickness and swollen ankles. The list is great,’ another person said.

Abigail Porter, a creator who goes by z00mie and directs a series called ‘Free Birth Control,’ also gained a huge audience for her list of reasons not to have children.

Porter has amassed nearly half a million followers since his series began in 2021 and is 99 parts long.

Her series has become so popular that people send her their own stories to share with her audience, including a recent one in which someone told her that once, as a child, she tried to poop in the cat’s litter box. and blame the cat. .

“Here’s your daily dose of free birth control,” Porter wrote in the caption.

Porter told NBC that her series only includes videos and clips from those who have consented and is often tagged by video creators.

“If I’m going to make a video about bodies in particular and show someone’s body, I’m going to make sure that I have that mother’s consent first, like she’s going to post a video and make this acknowledgment like, ‘This is my body. It’s pretty crazy. The things that have happened in my body are pretty wild,” Porter said.

Still, he says he hopes his series only gives people the most realistic and informed perspective on the process of becoming a parent.

“I have so much respect and reverence and admiration for the people who choose to go through with this, because it’s a great choice,” Porter said.

“I hope people stop treating having children as an impulsive decision that everyone makes. I think that’s better for us and for the children, because if every child that was born had parents who really loved them, I think the world would be a better place,” Porter said.