Gone are the days when a romantic relationship meant a partnership of two.
Now you have the choice of a throuple, a non-monogamous arrangement or the latest trend in modern dating… a polycule.
According to sex therapist accounts, a polycule describes a situation in which couples welcome other lovers into their relationship.
For example, all four people may be romantically involved with each other, or perhaps one person may share intimacy with two members of the foursome.
An example is the house where 33-year-old Craig Williamson lives in Newcastle-Under-Lyme.
‘Polycule’ is a combination of ‘polyamorous’ and ‘molecule’ (because the parts of the polycule bond like atoms in a molecule).
Craig told me The times he lives with his partner Jen and her boyfriend Andre, both in their late twenties.
Although both Andre and Craig are in relationships with Jen, they are not one with each other.
The trend also includes perculiare terms that describe the different roles within the polycule.
For example, a “hinge” refers to the member of the group who has romantic relationships with more than one individual.
A ‘metamour’, on the other hand, is a person whose partner is in a relationship with someone else. There’s also ‘nesting partner’, which refers to a ‘primary’ partner with whom you may live.
“I can’t help but fall in love with someone else,” Jen told The Times. “I define polyamory as having an infinite amount of love to give.”
Having more than one lover, known as polyamory, is an increasingly popular trend among Brits.
Research shows that the choice to have more than one romantic partner is becoming increasingly common in both the UK and the US.
According to a 2023 British survey, a third of heterosexual men and a tenth of straight women said they would be open to a non-monogamous relationship.
This compares with data from 2015, which showed just two percent of Brits were enthusiastic about the idea.
In the US, studies shows that approximately one in five respondents has some experience with non-monogamy.
Craig, Jen and Andre describe their situation as “kitchen table poly,” meaning they share a domestic arrangement and everything is public.
This differs from ‘parallel poly’, where some members of the polycule are aware of – and accept – their partners’ romances but choose not to be an active part of them.
Meanwhile, “garden poly” means that different partners may not live together, but can still interact as friends.
As for the bedroom layout, Jen splits her time between Andre and Craig’s rooms.
Anna lives in a ‘polycule’ and reveals that when Spencer (left) comes over, Jake tends to give them some space and ‘goes to sleep on the couch’
She sleeps in Andrew’s bed, “when Jen wants to sleep in or Andre has had a bad time and needs Jen’s comfort more than I do,” Craig said.
He adds that jealousy is never a problem because it makes him happy to see Jen happy.
However, the balance between the three is not entirely equal legally, as Craig and Jen own the house they live in, while Andrew is a renter.
The appeal, Craig explained, is that involving others in your relationship keeps the excitement of new connections alive.
The electricity of falling in love with someone new is something Craig “enjoys.”
But do these benefits really make for a long-term, happy relationship?
A small number of studies have examined the effects of unconventional relationships such as polyamory.
A 2018 study found that people in open relationships, who have more than one sexual or romantic partner, felt as sexually satisfied as people in monogamous relationships.
However, committed couples who engaged in sexual activities with others felt greater sexual satisfaction than monogamous individuals.
Anna said that everyone in her ‘polycule’ is extremely good friends, even though she is the only one who has a relationship with all the members
But other studies have shown a less promising picture. A 2020 survey found that only 42 percent of participants believed their non-monogamous relationships met all their needs.
According to research, this compares to about 80 percent in monogamous couples.
According to Keely Kolmes, a US-based psychologist who specializes in consensual non-monogamy, honesty is the key to a successful polycule.
“Make sure you’re honest with each other about how often you want to see each other, how often you want to hang out in a group versus one-on-one, and what parts of your relationship should be pure.” sexual versus classic romantic,” she said Cosmopolitan.
Another group that believes setup is the key to their happiness is Anna, Jake, Spencer and Ellie from Chicago.
Anna, 26, is married to Jake, 25, but still has time for her boyfriend Spencer, 28, and her friend Ellie, 26.
Married to Anna, 26, living in Chicago, Illinois, USA, married husband Jake, 25, before meeting her boyfriend Spencer four years later.
She said her husband gets “quite claustrophobic” and he likes to give Spencer and Anna space when we get a chance to see each other
Anna sees herself as having three individual relationships, and her partners have no physical or romantic relationships with each other.
Speaking about her relationship with her husband – to whom she was married for four years before meeting Spencer – she said: ‘We are still very much in love.’
However, she added: ‘I also have a lot of love for other people.
‘While not everyone is just in a relationship with each other, we are all extremely good friends and have a “kitchen table” style polycule relationship where we all get along and hang out with each other.
“I live with Jake full-time, but Ellie and Spencer live in different states, and everyone has full-time jobs, so it’s always difficult to schedule separate time for each individual.
“I would love it if we could all live together at some point, but that’s not really a viable option right now because everyone is following their own path in life.”