This French Farce makes Paris 2024 the worst Olympics in my lifetime! KENNEDY slams the pedo rapists, gender madness, sewer swims and genital-flashing drag queens

Triathletes dripping with sewage from the Seine must have thought what the rest of us now know:

These are the worst Olympics in recent history! Literally.

It took nine years, $1.5 billion in environmental cleanup, and countless five-hour workdays (this is France) before organizers of the Paris 2024 Olympics deemed the E. coli-contaminated river safe enough for athletes to swim in. Just barely.

Due to last-minute bacterial testing, the scheduled men’s triathlon event was moved from Tuesday to Wednesday of this week, presumably to give the lifeguards a chance to fish some floating candy out of the water.

When the boys went swimming, many people joked about the water quality.

“I’ll definitely go to the toilet later,” said South African Jamie Riddle after the race. “I’ve been drinking litres and litres of water, so it’s going to be a great party after the race!”

But this filthy river spectacle is the least of our Olympic problems.

There was a huge uproar over the sexes on Thursday after an Italian boxer gave up her match after just 46 seconds after being punched in the face twice in succession.

“I had to save my life,” Italy’s Angela Carini told reporters after falling to the mat in tears.

Her Algerian opponent, Imane Khelif, was disqualified from last year’s Women’s World Cup after DNA tests reportedly ‘proved’ that Khelif is intersex.

Yet, for some inexplicable reason, the International Olympic Committee, which does not conduct testing itself, cleared Khelif to play.

And while the Carini incident will go down in history as the most disturbing scene in Paris’ history, it will face stiff competition.

Last Friday the opening ceremony took place in a rainy Rocky Horror Show.

Torch-bearing Serena Williams appeared to be throwing her croissants in the air as she felt sickened by the rocking motion of the boat leading the way on the choppy Seine.

Perhaps she had seen the Parisian genitals on display during the disgusting parody of Leonardo da Vinci’s Last Supper.

One of the performers suffered from a wardrobe malfunction, leaving his testicle dangling beneath his shiny black underwear.

The dazzling spectacle featured a bearded drag queen and the corpulent, self-described ‘love activist’ DJ Barbara Butch.

Then a guest emerged from a giant chafing dish, painted blue and wearing a thong. He was supposed to be Dionysus, the Greek god of, among other things, insanity and ritual madness.

Speaking of insanity, the Olympic Committee has yet to give an honest answer as to why convicted Dutch pedophile Steven Van de Velde, who was serving a prison sentence for raping a 12-year-old girl when he was 19, was allowed to compete.

Last Supper?

No, thank you. I’m not hungry anymore.

But the athletes are hungry.

Despite promises to host the ‘greenest Games ever’, caterers in the Olympic Village are reporting ‘very high demand’ for meat and egg products.

A third of the ‘sustainably produced’ meals foisted on the 15,000 athletes so far have been vegetarian or vegan. But, surprise, the world’s elite aren’t running on quinoa and locally sourced figs.

Meanwhile, our sports boys and girls are forced to live in prison-like dormitories with five bathrooms, rock-hard, ‘eco-friendly’ cardboard beds and no air conditioning.

The atmosphere in the small rooms became so stinking and steamy that American tennis star Coco Gauff betrayed her roommates, who had fled to a hotel room!

At least one girl is having a good time: America’s waning queen, Jill Biden.

The Doctor – sans Joe – is all giggles during her ‘Farewell to Grandpa’ era of the European tour, as she sits in the stands with Zendaya, Flavor Flav and Snoop Dog.

But this most gentle form of soft power will do little to counter the ménage à trois of debauchery, deprivation and misery breaking out on the other side of the ocean.

Can someone save us?

Three years after her dramatic withdrawal from the Tokyo Games ended Team USA’s podium hopes, gymnast Simone Biles has made a triumphant comeback.

And as she and her top teammates proudly held the Stars and Stripes aloft this week, gold medals strapped to their necks, Biles showed the world that girl boss perseverance does pay off.

Thank you, Simone.

And please stay away from Dionysus.

Rare Olympics

In the United States, there is another competition going on: the “Who’s the Strangest” Olympics, also known as the 2024 election.

This week, the Harris campaign hosted a “White Dudes for Kamala” livestream with 150,000 attendees.

“I’m white, I’m a dude, and I’m here for Harris,” actor Jeff Bridges said.

Sounds like an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump noted Tuesday that his wife Melania was so traumatized by the Butler attempt on his life that she can’t talk about it, meaning “she either likes me or she loves me. And that’s nice.”

Newsflash – you guys are all weird!

Finally free

Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich is finally free!

Russia released him and former US Marine Paul Whelan on Thursday as part of a large-scale prisoner swap.

Gershkovich spent 478 days in Kremlin-controlled hell – but for him and his family, it may now take much longer to overcome this unthinkable trauma.

Hack check!

Deranged MSNBC singer Molly Jong-Fast claims that Trump VP candidate JD Vance’s insult about “childless cat ladies” is actually a racist plot to encourage American couples to have “more white children.”

Can someone tell this idiot that Vance and his wife Usha (the daughter of Indian immigrants) have three children?

Good romance

Lady Gaga was heard during the Olympics when she introduced her tech boyfriend Michael Polansky to the French Prime Minister as her “fiancé.”

Gaga has had a number of bad relationships, including a previous broken engagement.

I am 38 years old and have no children. Let’s hope it stays that way.

Silver Selleck

There’s more to love about Tom Selleck these days. But at 79 and with a full head of hair, he’s still my favorite.

Recent photos showed what appeared to be long scars on both knees, possibly the result of surgery to replace his knees.

I just recovered from a hip tear surgery so I know how hard it is to get back on my feet. Well done Tom.

Say it with your chest

Susan Sarandon’s voluptuous daughter is over the moon in her busty wedding dress.

Eva Amurri, 39, responded to social media trolls who asked her to “put away” her balloons after she shared a photo of her revealing wedding dress.

But the actual breast buffet was the least of her wardrobe problems.

To start with, what is that horrible, curtain-like rag that hung around her waist?

Taco Terminator

The robots are coming to shame you!

Taco Bell is installing AI-powered ordering kiosks at a number of drive-thru locations across the country.

They say it will reduce customer order times, but the bottom line is undoubtedly saving a crunch coin and laying off minimum wage workers.

But what happens to the company’s profits if the AI ​​turns out to be smarter than the overstuffed fast food fans with healthy stomachs?

Will you Real “Would you like fries with that?”