A top psychotherapist has warned parents that they are risking their children’s well-being by raising them as gender-neutral “them.”
A new 60 Minutes segment looked at Australian parents who refuse to treat their children as boys or girls and refer to them as “them.”
Instead, parents let their children choose their own pronouns and gender as they get older.
However, British psychotherapist Mark Vahrmeyer, who works with children and parents on gender issues, has warned that raising children without gender could give them a difficult time in school and society.
“Maybe raising a child this way, where they’re not assigned a gender at all, makes them different,” he said. ‘They stand out by definition, whichever way we look at it.
‘It does give that feeling of difference and it is ultimately an experiment after all.’
Aussie parents Amy and Danny revealed how they didn’t tell anyone Bertie’s gender because they didn’t want their child to be stereotyped (pictured together)
He also questioned whether children should be raised gender neutral, or whether parents should leave it to the child to decide later in life whether they are gender neutral.
‘I think it’s healthy, positive. But there might be a fine line between how far this is taken and how a child orients themselves in a world where they’re told “you’re gender neutral, it’s up to you whether you’re a boy or a girl.”
“There’s a whole different discussion when a kid comes up to their parents and says at some point in their life, ‘well, actually I’m wondering this and maybe I’m a she.’
“It’s driven by the child.”
Aussie parents Amy and Danny revealed how they didn’t tell anyone the gender of their child Bertie because they didn’t want their child to be stereotyped.
The couple were unhappy that their daughter Evie, now 9, was subjected to stereotypes, leading them to choose Bertie.
“The experience of raising Evie and what we saw happen to Evie in the assumptions made on Evie as a girl were things we weren’t very comfortable with,” Danny said.
They withheld Bertie’s gender from family and friends to ensure she was not “influenced” by gender norms.
While people were initially confused, the parents said they quickly stopped asking.
Social scientist and gender creation expert Dr. Kyl Myers (pictured with child Zoomer) and her Australian partner Brent raise their children without gender
British psychotherapist Mark Vahrmeyer (pictured), who works with children and parents on gender issues, has warned of potential problems in raising children gender-neutral
The parents admit they can’t handle people influencing Bertie as the child grows older, but reject the idea that they are making their lives more difficult.
‘I don’t think Bertie’s confused at all. I think we don’t want to limit Bertie. So if Bertie is leaning towards something, we’re not trying to say, ‘No, you can’t do that,’ but, ‘Okay, sure, go check that thing out,'” Danny said.
Social scientist and gender creation expert Dr. Kyl Myers and her Australian partner Brent raise their children genderless.
Their child named Zoomer was raised gender neutral, before coming home at age four and revealing he was a boy.
“He said, ‘I like he/him pronouns’ and, you know, and I was like, ‘That’s fantastic,'” she said.
She also rejected claims that being raised gender neutral was ‘confusing for children’
Zoomer (pictured) was raised gender neutral, before coming home at age four and revealing he was a boy
“I think it’s actually more confusing to get people, kids, to think that, what, the 8 billion people on the planet all fit neatly into one of two boxes?”
However, development experts have warned that the parenting trend could backfire once children are exposed to the wider community.
And Lise Eliot, a professor of neuroscience at Chicago Medical School, told NBC News the kids would struggle to fit in.
“Once your child meets the outside world, such as a daycare, kindergarten or grandparents, it’s virtually impossible to maintain a gender-free state,” she said.
“And depending on how conventional your community is, you could accuse your child of bullying or ostracism.”