Therapist warns about ‘red flags’ that may indicate your partner only proposed to get you to ‘shut up’

A therapist has shared the signs that your partner may have only proposed to you to “shut you up.”

In July, Australian influencer Monica Millington went viral after sharing how her first marriage ended in divorce.

The 33-year-old social media star explained that she married a “decent man” at the age of 23, despite knowing deep down that they “just weren’t right for each other.”

They eventually separated after three years of marriage. In retrospect, she believes that her ex-husband only proposed to her because she was constantly pressuring him to tie the knot.

Monica said she was convinced that becoming husband and wife would solve their problems, and that her reluctant boyfriend eventually gave her a “shut up” ring after she “literally” begged him to marry her.

Now, marriage therapist Landis Bejar from Atlanta, Georgia, has spoken with Company Insider on the topic and she admitted that it’s more common than some think that you run down the aisle to please your partner, even if you don’t really want to.

‘[A shut-up ring is] “It’s used to relieve or calm the pressure in a relationship,” Landis said of the phenomenon.

She explained that many women want to marry their partners despite there being “red flags” in the relationship. They believe that by putting a ring on their finger, they can prove that the man is “committed to them” and “puts them first.”

But in reality, she said, marriage doesn’t solve your problems, it only ends up making them worse.

“It’s an early sign that the couple can’t talk about difficult things and process difficult things,” she explained.

‘Instead, one person decides to please the other person instead of saying what he or she really thinks.’

Landis, who specializes in “helping brides and grooms deal with the stress of wedding planning through therapy,” said communication is key to preventing this.

“You have to have conversations where you let the other person honestly tell you how he or she feels,” she continued.

In July, an Australian influencer named Monica Millington went viral after she revealed that she had been given a “shut up ring” during her first wedding

She said many women tend to want to marry their partner despite there being ‘red flags’ in the relationship (stock image)

“This doesn’t have to be an aggressive conversation. It can be warm and loving and full of hope. But you have to talk about it.”

As for the “red flags” to watch out for, she said that partners who aren’t really ready for marriage often make promises but don’t follow through.

Furthermore, if you find yourself “giving the same feedback over and over again and asking for the same thing in different presentations” from your partner, that’s not a good sign.

Although it was difficult at times, she stressed the importance of accepting when someone is not right for you and letting them go.

‘[People] “are not willing to say, ‘I’m not going to try to change you anymore,'” she added.

‘Without that, you’ll either tolerate everything, or you’ll keep complaining, and either you’ll be upset all the time, or you might get something like a ring to keep your mouth shut that will alleviate the complaining in the short term, but won’t lead to what you really want, which is [a happy] wedding.’