Therapist Todd Baratz: These are the seven important things to learn about sex

A certified sex therapist has listed the seven “big” truths you need to learn about sex if you want to have a strong relationship.

Todd Baratz, from the US, said that everyone has some kind of sexual problem and that the challenge is to “undo, unlearn and learn new ways of being with your sex and your sexuality”.

“A little learning goes a long way,” Todd posted on instagram.

1. It is not embarrassing or bad

The first thing Todd said that he wants people to learn is that sex isn’t inherently embarrassing or bad, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone:

“If it doesn’t hurt you or anyone else then it’s wonderful,” he wrote.

“There is nothing inherently wrong or shameful about any kind of sexual expression. You just found out about the lack of sex education or the shit you were forced into.

Todd added that if you want more sexual pleasure, it’s “yours for the taking.”

2. What happens before and after is just as important

Lots of people place a lot of importance on sex, and for good reason.

But in fact, Todd said it’s more what happens immediately before sex and after sex that matters in a relationship.

Sex is not a natural biological experience. It is psychological, emotional and relational. It’s a dynamic exchange even when you don’t know your partner.’

Todd added that it’s what happens in the lead up to sex that can make it terrifying or exciting and powerful.

3. It’s messy, awkward, and fun.

Having grown up on a diet of Hollywood movies, many expect sex to be just like what they see in the movies.

But Todd said it’s rarely perfect with the right soundtrack and the right words attached.

“Sex is messy, uncomfortable and really fun,” she said.

“It’s not like it looks in the movies or in porn, so stop trying to emulate that.”

Todd said it’s common to come into contact with sweat, farts, fluids, odors and lube, all of which end up “everywhere.”

You may need to stop during sex, pause, and restart, and you will definitely need to monitor your partner.

He added that it is better to accept this rather than be ashamed of it.

4. Sex is not penetration

Todd said the idea that sex is penetration is outdated and outdated, and you never need to fake orgasm just because you think you should.

“Let the sex and orgasms be whatever you want them to be, whether that includes penetration or mutual masturbation,” she explained.

‘Diversify your sexual expression to include a variety of sexual acts.’

5. Sex is an interaction

According to Todd, sex is not “inherently pleasurable” and it is not an automatic reflex either.

He said: ‘It is an interaction that occurs in response to an environment and in the context of a relationship.’

Todd added, “You have to work on decreasing shame, practicing communication, and seeking pleasure.”

6. Orgasm as you want

The sex therapist said that like many things with sex, orgasms can be “complicated” as many think they need to orgasm the way they see it in porn or on TV.

“Do what you have to do to get out,” Todd advised.

7. Be selfish

Finally, he said that if you’re ever going to have good sex, you have to be a little selfish.

“Sexual egoism is a necessary component of arousal, pleasure and orgasms,” Todd said.

You have to prioritize your pleasure if you want it.

Thousands of people who saw his post quickly thanked Todd for sharing his advice.

‘Thank you so much,’ wrote one person.

“I wish I had seen this 25 years ago,” added another.