The weirdest things we’ve learned from 15 years of Goop

IIn October 2008, Gwyneth Paltrow sat down at her kitchen table in London and wrote her very first lifestyle and wellness newsletter. Titled Goop, it featured personal recommendations from Paltrow each week, including the best reflexologist in Notting Hill and her favorite recipe for banana nut muffins.

Fifteen years later, Goop has grown into a full-fledged lifestyle brand worth over £200 million. In addition to the weekly newsletter, there are clothing and beauty lines, a podcast, two Netflix shows and an annual “wellness summit.”

Paltrow regularly spreads at best dubious and at worst downright dangerous health claims and has gained a cult following among fans and critics alike. To celebrate its anniversary, here are 15 of the more absurd things we learned from Goop.

1. There is a great way to divorce

Announcing her breakup by Chris Martin in 2014, Paltrow has made the greatest contribution to the therapy language lexicon of all time. This wasn’t a divorce, she told readers: it was “a conscious uncoupling.”

2. You’re probably yawning wrong

In 2015, Paltrow posted a guide to yawning in five steps. When consulting Michael Lear, a “yogi and major quarterback for mindfulness and meditation,” the first step is to (surprise, surprise) open your mouth. Readers are then encouraged to “reach and stretch” into a yawn, “riding the yawn to stretch the jaw muscles.” This step should be repeated 8-10 times until “the lacrimal glands around the eye are squeezed and tears are induced.” Remember, it’s not rude, it’s ‘important’.

3. How to deal with a parasite inside you

The solution? Drink raw goat’s milk for eight days in a row. Asking a naturopath for advice They propose that “an eight-day cleanse with goat’s milk from one diet – accompanied by a specific vermifuge made from antiparasitic herbs – is the most successful treatment.”

4. And it turns out that we all have a “treacherous yeast infection”

The many but vague list of symptoms include bloating, dandruff, sugar cravings, poor memory and fatigue. Diagnosis involves a so-called urinary organix dysbiosis test, while treatment involves limiting yourself to one piece of fruit a day and ‘overwhelming the yeast’ with antifungal supplements.

5. Stick to scrambled eggs instead of jade eggs

In 2017, Paltrow suggested that women should place a $66 egg-shaped jade or rose quartz stone in their vagina to “increase vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy in general.” Users were encouraged to pass dental floss through a specially constructed hole to assist in releasing the egg. After facing backlash from gynecologists due to its dubious health claims and potential harmful effects, including toxic shock syndrome, Goop settled a lawsuit for $145,000 for “unsubstantiated” marketing claims.

6. Many people are curious about Paltrow’s vagina

Just before the pandemic, Paltrow released a £61 This Smells Like My Vagina candle. Featuring a blend of geranium, citrusy bergamot and cedarwood, it sold out within hours. Paltrow later claimed it was “a feminist statement of punk rock”. Tell that to Patti Smith.

7. Water has feelings

Reading this with a cold glass of water? It’s time to talk sweetly. In a 2014 newsletter, Paltrow implored readers to consider the impact unkind words can have on the molecular structure of water. Her proof? Reading a coffee table book by the water author Masuru Emoto.

8. Bra burning isn’t just for the 1960s

To free yourself from memories of your exes, Paltrow suggests burning your bras. In a “empowering lingerie manifesto”, the relationship expert Suzannah Galland contours how “lingerie can carry the negative energy and memories of past flames.” The solution? Light a fire, throw your bra in and “know that your past recycles into the ether and your future liberates.”

9. Rectums also need therapy

A 2018 detox guide recommended an at-home coffee enema kit to stimulate users’ bowels from the comfort of their own home. A few years later, while hooked up to a vitamin IV on the podcast The Art of Being Well, Paltrow revealed that she had also “used rectal ozone therapy,” a procedure that involves pumping oxygen through a catheter into the colon. Scientists immediately dismissed Paltrow’s health claims.

10. Paltrow does not receive an invitation from Nasa soon

In 2017, Goop suggested that anyone who wants to “rebalance the energy frequency in our bodies” should try placing Body Vibes stickers on their arms or near their heart. The site claimed that the stickers ($120 for a pack of 24) were “made with the same conductive carbon material that NASA uses to line spacesuits so they can monitor an astronaut’s vital signs.” A fact that was quick debunked when NASA confirmed it that they “don’t have any conductive carbon material on the inside of the spacesuits.”

11. The annual gift guide is as Goopy as it gets

Highlights over the years include a $75 bag of animal manure, a $28,500 leather chaise lounge, a six-pack of neon toilet paper, a leather bag specifically designed to carry a watermelon, a vet-approved hair dye kit for dogs, a 24-karat gold-plated vibrator worth $15,000, a glittery Ouija board and a 12-minute “personalized soul song.”

12. Nigella don’t have to worry

Paltrow’s recipes from the past 15 years include: spirulina popcorncarrot juice margaritas, powerful chocolate sex bark“clean” dumplings with cabbage leaves instead of dough as wrappers – and lots of bone broths.

13. People paid £5,000 to go on a wellness cruise

The 2022 nine-day southern France and Italian Riviera excursion included tailor-made detox smoothies, yoga, group tarot readings and a 51 minute performance from Paltrow himself.

14. Crystals pose a bigger threat than AI

In 2016, the site conducted an interview with Colleen McCann, a fashion stylist turned practitioner of shamanic energy medicine.

“I think of crystals as a timeless database of knowledge because they contain all the information they have ever been exposed to,” McCann revealed. “Crystals absorb information – whether it is a severe weather pattern or the experience of an ancient ceremony – and transmit it to anyone who comes into contact with it.”

The benefits of certain crystals were then explained and a footnote was later added to the piece stating that the benefits were not read as facts but were ‘the opinions of fans of the product’.

15. But dismissive of Goop is “the most dangerous practice of all”

In 2017, Goop editors and contributing physicians rejected criticism of its support for unorthodox health practices in a 2,500-word essay. Defending advice like those jade eggs or that walking barefoot could cure depression, shouted the letter “random attacks that question the motivation and integrity of the physicians contributing to the site.” Reportedly the first in a series and a space for doctors to respond “in a respectful and substantive manner,” six years later we’re still waiting for the next installment.

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