The tale of star-crossed lovers that Harry and Meghan hope will save their Hollywood dream… After a mixed response to their mutual collaborations so far, Netflix has purchased the rights to a book for the Sussexes to adapt

Hover over Steven Spielberg. Harry and Meghan are going to be the next big thing in Hollywood. Despite mixed reactions to their mutual collaboration so far, Netflix has bought the rights to a book that the Sussexes can adapt.

At any moment, the dopes could become producers and turn the novel into a movie under the auspices of their Archewell production company. Can I tell you a secret? It’s not going to be called Oppenheimer 2.

H&M could have chosen from a million books, selected a storyline from thousands of plots, seeded into hundreds of issues, taken multiple intellectual twists and turns, and drawn happy or unlucky conclusions.

In the end, they settled on a standard rom-com novel called Meet Me At The Lake, by Canadian author Carley Fortune. ‘One day. A promise. Two lives changed,” the blurb reads.

Elsewhere, the book is described as “a breathtaking tale of star-crossed lovers” and the “perfect summer blend of sexy romance and second chances.” Yuck. Tragedy, comedy, none of the above?

Fortune’s book deals with mental health problems – of course it does – and features a courageous main character whose life changes after the death of her mother in a car accident. I see. I understand.

No one needs reminding that Harry lost his mother, Princess Diana, in an accident. Nor did Meghan reveal that she suffered from depression after the birth of her son, Archie. Then there was the incident in Africa, when they were both surviving and not thriving, and the time Harry was thrown onto a dog bowl in London’s misery pit.

Now Meghan wears an anxiety patch on her wrist and Harry is nearly 40, directionless and floating through the Far East playing polo. Sufferance, your name is Sussex!

It would have to do Shakespeare himself to do justice to the ongoing trauma of this pair’s existence, but perhaps the fact that the novel contains elements of their lives is coincidental and not intended to be biographical.

We shouldn’t read too much into anything, especially the fact that one of the main characters is named Will, wears a “plain gold signet ring on his little finger,” and is tall and aristocratic. Wait a second. Since Will is later described as “looking like a sex dream,” I think it’s safe to conclude that any resemblance to real persons is purely harmful.

Still, what’s going on here? It’s like the Kardashians are launching a credit card after their Dash boutique and that stupid Las Vegas gift shop went out of business. All hands to the slump pump. Everything to keep the momentum going!

Indeed, Harry and Meghan are in such desperate need of a hit that no one should be surprised if they soon launch their own brand of tequila or start pimping the rescue hens for cheeky parts in cluck buddy movies.

Yes, Prince Harry’s autobiography Spare has sold millions of copies around the world, but success in other areas has been elusive. Plans for Meghan’s first animated series, Pearl, have been scrapped.

The mega-million dollar Spotify deal ended ingloriously — with an executive later calling the Sussexes “grifters” — and a series of squawking feminist podcasts from Meghan failed to impress anyone but Meghan.

So what’s next? Making movies seems like the obvious next step for a couple who have little or no filmmaking experience. Moreover, their understanding of managing large budgets seems to begin and end with asking King Charles for money – but come on, they could still surprise us with hitherto unknown depths of talent, cleverness and sacrifice, not hot temper.

As this bright new future beckons Hollywood producers, the first question to consider is this: why did they choose this book?

All we know about their literary tastes is that Meghan likes to read motivational titles and fridge magnets, while all Harry wants from a novel is that it be short. As a collective intellectual force, they are not exactly Simone de Beauvoir and Jean-Paul Sartre.

In Spare, Harry even takes it upon himself to criticize John Steinbeck’s Dustbowl classic Of Mice And Men. “It was short,” he remarked approvingly. “150 little pages of nothing.”

Has he even read Meet Me At The Lake? Probably not, but I bet Meghan devoured every page. It was first published in May and is already a bestseller in America. It tells the story of courageous Fern who must choose between a dream of opening her own coffee shop in Toronto or returning to Muskoka to run the Dirty Dancing-esque lakeside hotel owned by her family.

She has no father (excellent) and at one point says to a family-tormented lover, “I don’t want to be an escape.” I want to be reality.’

There is a kind of love triangle between childhood sweetheart Jamie and Will. And there’s no doubt the book has a certain rustic Canadian charm: Will has a fir tree tattoo on his arm, Fern spreads her Ritz cracker with “an orange wedge of cheeseball,” and we’re learning early on — if we don’t had already guessed – that it’s impossible to have sex in a canoe, although you can j-strip to your heart’s content.

A j-stroke is just like the Canadian stroke except you don’t extend your paddle, you push it forward. I’m not making this up.

Then there are moments, whole dazzling paragraphs, that could have come straight from the calligraphy pen of Meghan Markle herself.

“As soon as the sun rises I am awakened by the mournful tremolo of a madman” was my favorite. Was it that morning in Montecito when Harry discovered that his HRH had been removed from the royal website? Or was it Fern listening to the cry of a waterfowl echoing across Lake Muskoka? You have to watch the movie to find out.

So who’s behind the best-selling romance?

She is a brunette, mother of two young children and describes herself as a feminist.

So Carley Fortune, author of Meet Me At The Lake, already had a lot in common with Meghan before Netflix acquired the rights to her novel, which would be produced by Harry and Meghan’s Archewell Productions.

She’s also somewhat of a Meghan fan, judging by articles and tweets she wrote as a journalist before becoming a novelist, dating back to then-actress Markle’s tweeting that she was “going places” after binge-watching Suits.

Fortune has always had a way with words. An avid reader as a child, she attended Toronto Metropolitan University School of Journalism, graduating in 2006.

She later worked as an editor and was briefly editor-in-chief at the Canadian publication Chatelaine. More recently, she was an executive editor at Refinery29, an online entertainment site for young women. But after what she describes as a “deeply upsetting work trip” in 2020, she took a leap to fulfill her dream of writing a book.

Juggling childcare, a second pregnancy and a full-time job (she stayed with Refinery29 until the end of 2021), she aimed to complete her manuscript by the end of that year.

In early 2022, her debut novel Every Summer After was completed, she had signed with LA agent Taylor Haggerty and accepted a two-book deal with Penguin Random House, publisher of Prince Harry’s memoir Spare.

Meet Me At The Lake, her second book, was published in May. Fortune said, “I am thrilled to be working with Netflix and Archewell to bring Meet Me At The Lake to the screen.

“Will and Fern’s love story is very close to my heart, and I can’t imagine a more perfect partnership.”

Projects in the pipeline? A preview of the files from Archewell Productions (according to JAN MOIR) reveals plans for books and movies that could adapt, remake and maybe even star the Sussexes…

Anna Karenina

In this Tolstoy heartthrob, Anna (played by Meghan Markle) flees with Count Vronsky (Prince Harry). The thrill of their elopement soon gives way to regret, loneliness and paranoia.

Catherine Tyldesley, star of Coronation Street and Cakegate, stars as the long-suffering Dolly.

The lion, the witch and the wardrobe

I say nothing.

One flew over the cuckoo’s nest

Light-hearted update to the Ken Kesey classic. In the Archewell version, a man pretends to be insane to escape the hard work of a punitive regime. He later struggles to prove he is sane while trying to prove the system is rotten. “I want a family, not an institution,” he says.

The mental health of the rest of the inmates has greatly improved following a series of BetterUp mental health coaching packages via Zoom.

The Da-Vinci Code

Symbologist Robert Langdon (Prince Harry) and sexy, super-smart cryptologist Sophie Neveu (Meghan Markle) become confused with the unknown after a murder in Paris.

The Priory of Sion soon hires Robert as an impact officer, while Opus Dei awards Sophie a medal for international achievement in global humanity. Did Jesus and Mary ever have a baby? ‘Who cares?’ says Sophie, finally realizing what the ctrl button on her keyboard means. “It’s all about control,” she says darkly.

Harry Potter and the Deadly Aloes

In this reimagining of the JK Rowling classic, the plucky Duchess of Sussex (Halle Berry) saves the world by discovering that the aloes used in the I’m Still Healing range of beauty products have been poisoned by the evil Princess Kate (Miriam Margolyes). ).

The bodyguard

Kevin Costner refuses a pay cut if his royal bosses in exile have to pay his wages themselves.

“But my father literally cut me off,” pleads the Duke of Sussex (Damian Lewis).

In an exciting technical development, Whitney is played by a hologram of Meghan Markle.

Pride and prejudice

The Austen classic gets a new twist when Mr. Darcy (Rupert Grint) falls for paralegal brainbox Elizabeth Bennet (Meghan Markle).

“Nothing is more deceptive than the appearance of humility,” he tells her over a plant-based lunch. “Anything,” she replies, unimpressed.

Father of the bride

Let’s not go there either.