>
The tone of horror was palpable as my line manager appeared and said, “What’s that?” I assumed he was referring to the two week old coffee mug on my desk. Until I looked up and pointed to the pram next to me.
Inside sat my 14 month old son, Eddie, busy making some toast.
It was seven in the morning on a cold April morning and I’d ducked into work to send a few emails on my way to dropping Eddie off at daycare. I had hoped to be in and out, with the crumbs cleared, before the rest of the office arrived.
I had only had the job of my life for two months, and although Human Resources knew everything about my son, I could tell from my line manager’s expression that he didn’t.
At age 26, Clare O’Reilly was headhunted to join a celebrity magazine in New York. At that time, she had her 14-month-old son Eddie. She explains why her line manager was surprised that a woman her age had a young child in her position
I hastily explained that we would be out of the way in a few minutes. As he nodded in shock, I made my way to the elevator and smiled as casually as I could muster as the door closed.
His surprise was due to my age. I was only 26 and had just been headhunted from my job at the London newspaper to join his celebrity magazine in New York. He clearly struggled to reconcile my ambitious, bold work persona with my role as a young mother.
This was 17 years ago and journalism, like many other fiercely competitive industries, was barely known for equal opportunities for women, let alone for young mothers. Like my line manager, many wondered why on earth I chose to be stuck in diapers and sleepless nights early in my career. Surely it was better to build my reputation first – to have babies second.
And it seems that not much has changed in this regard. A new report from University College London shows that women are still delaying motherhood to focus on their careers. Also in 2022.
The women who took part in the study were asked to choose from 11 factors that influenced starting a family.
Career – and the fear that motherhood would slow progress – was the biggest reason for procrastination, ranking higher than worries about finances.
I can certainly understand why women would be put off by rising childcare costs and financial insecurity, so my advice will sound counterintuitive. But from my experience, having children sooner or later can be the key to success.
Rather than hinder you, starting your family in your 20s frees you up later, so you can put your foot on the accelerator when it really matters.
Clare O’Reilly and Jon Axworthy with their children Annie, Eddie and Sammy. Clare advises women to start a family in their twenties to focus on their careers later and step on the gas when it matters
I was in a junior position when I had my son, so I was able to sit at my desk again after two months of maternity leave without anyone really noticing that I was gone. In other words, I didn’t juggle breastfeeding and pick-up times with the kind of role the boss really missed me in.
It also meant that by the time I held my senior associate editor position, my son was seven and had already settled in school. The days of teething and tantrums were long gone and we had reconsidered our routines. My career went from strength to strength as a result.
For over two decades I have run feature desks in Sydney, London and New York. This enabled me to move away from the office altogether ten years ago in favor of writing bestselling books.
Of course, not everyone meets the father of their children so young. My husband Jon and I knew as soon as we met in a pub in North London, when I was 23 and he 30, that we wanted to be together. Within two years we were engaged to Eddie on the road.
When I was 24 pregnant, I significantly lowered the average age of our prenatal classes in North London. At the time I was working as a journalist for a national newspaper supplement.
Luckily he was pretty blasé when I told my boss about my pregnancy. I had a freelance contract, but they told me they would keep my job open for me.
I only took two months off, eager to get back to the job I loved.
Fortunately, my husband Jon, also a freelance journalist, took over the daycare and worked in the evenings. We barely saw each other, but we were both as passionate about our careers as we were about each other, and we made it work.
Although I had to avoid going out and networking, I firmly believed that Eddie would help, not hinder, at the start of my career. And my suspicion turned out to be correct.
When I was headhunted to apply for the Manhattan job when Eddie was ten months old, I was shaking with excitement. My mother, a cleaning lady, thought I was crazy to take such a big step when Eddie was so young, but I was not deterred. Jon could see how much the opportunity meant to me and as a freelancer he wasn’t tied to any particular location.
I waited until I was in the last two to tell my future boss that I had a son. He didn’t blink, just made a note for HR to make sure I added a dependent to my visa and a month later we were on our way.
Once I got there I didn’t realize that my direct line manager had just been made aware of the buggy incident. I wasn’t exactly keeping Eddie a secret; I just didn’t mention him. If I was asked about children, I’d be happy to reveal its existence, but in such a fast-paced industry, no one really asks much about each other.
Admittedly, the downside of such a junior position meant that Eddie’s daycare center in Manhattan took most of my paycheck. And almost every penny that was left of that went with a large part of Jon’s salary to pay our rent. But I played the long game – quitting my career to be a stay at home mom would have derailed all the hard work I’d done thus far.
When coworkers found out I was having a baby, they were impressed that I had so much on my plate at a time when they were juggling happy hours and hangovers. I like to think I looked more competent.
We spent 18 months in Manhattan, during which time I was promoted twice, got a decent pay raise and then landed a dream job as a department head at a multi-million pound magazine launch in London.
If that’s not proof that having young children doesn’t have to curtail your career, then I don’t know what is.
Since then, my family has grown with my portfolio. Sammy arrived in 2008 when I was 29 and Annie in 2011 when I was 31. I kept working all the time.
The decision to start working as a freelancer in 2012 was a difficult one. Either I kept climbing higher and higher or became my own boss, able to dictate my own workload. I chose the latter.
In recent years I have seen many friends who have their families in their late thirties, while they were well entrenched in their jobs. Their juggling always seemed a lot harder than mine. They manage teams that need immediate answers on sports days, meetings and parents’ evenings.
And yet so many women continue to do it this way. Earlier this year, the Office for National Statistics revealed that for the first time since registration began, as many as half of women have not had children by the time they turn 30.
Some say there is never a good time to have a baby. But when it comes to careers, I say there are. The younger and younger your position, the better. And yes, childcare is expensive, but we cut our clothes to size. To afford it when Eddie was young, I bought all my clothes from eBay and never paid more than £2 for a single item.
Obviously, not everyone finds their life partner in their twenties. But if you do, don’t let ambition delay motherhood. If I have something to rely on, your career will benefit – in the long run