Trinny Woodall recently revealed that she has no qualms about cutting people out of her life when they bring her down, saying: ‘I’m ruthless when it comes to letting people out of my life. If people take my energy away, they have to go, friends have to give each other energy.”
Such people are often referred to as “energy vampires,” who fuel others with behavior that leaves the target tired and exhausted.
Alla Svirinskaya, energy healer to the stars and author of the best-selling book Energy Rules, says: ‘Nurturing other people’s energy is something we are all capable of. It rarely occurs as a result of premeditated malice, but rather due to low self-esteem, inner emptiness and lack of awareness.”
Could you be an energy vampire? Here, Claudia Connell looks at the traits of the worst offenders, while Alla reveals the effect the behavior has on the victim’…
Trinny Woodall recently revealed that she has no qualms about cutting people out of her life if they bring her down
The chatter box
A conversation should be a two-way street, but you ramble on with your unfiltered flow, never pausing to breathe and pick up on signals that someone is bored.
Alla says: ‘The other person is overwhelmed by the feeling of being trapped. They don’t know how to end the chatterbox’s monologue and feel exhausted by the vampire’s constant demands for their focus. You have to learn to talk to people who are not with them.’
The manipulator
Always contact us if you need help or advice before disappearing for weeks if someone no longer serves you. Maybe you’ve committed the ultimate manipulator of bad energy: being a “friend stealer,” clinging to your victim’s friends and then discounting her.
Alla says: ‘Once someone realizes that they are being used because of their connections and contacts and that their generosity has been abused, it can result in a long-term lack of trust in new people.
‘Healthy friendships should benefit both parties.’
The negative nelly
We all love to moan, but it seems like all you do is complain. Not only is your glass always half empty, there is probably a fly or hair in it most of the time.
Being a “misery sponge” for a relentlessly gloomy friend can leave you feeling wrung out and deflated.
Alla says, “Behaving this way can make the other person doubt themselves and their own positive outlook. They have to ‘reduce’ their light to accommodate your shadow. You need to take things less personally, accept that people make mistakes, and stop twisting stories to support your idea that everything is negative and hopeless. It’s not!’
The gossips
Who doesn’t like some juicy gossip every now and then? But if you live for it, it can make others anxious.
Do you start every conversation with: ‘Have you heard the rumor…?’ Maybe you’re passing on information that you know isn’t true, but you don’t care because it makes for a good thread. The problem is that at some point your friends will wonder what you might say about them.
Alla says: ‘People often do this to increase their own low self-esteem. They elevate themselves by putting others down. Eventually, your friends will stop trusting you and your friendships will become superficial and devoid of any intimacy.”
The show boat
You need to be the center of attention at all times, even when it’s someone else’s time to shine. A birthday celebration, a work promotion or an anniversary – you’ll find a way to steal the attention and make it all about you.
Alla says, “Even if a friend starts a conversation about his or her success or glory, that person will find a way to turn it into how incredible he/she is. Your friends begin to feel like mere mirrors that you use to admire your own reflection. You make people feel lonely in your presence because of your self-absorption and lack of empathy.
The eternal victim and martyr
Nothing that goes wrong in your life is ever due to you or the consequences of your actions. You might even have the double energy vampire tendency to play the martyr.
You help others and make sacrifices, but you hate it and let others know how hard you find it.
Alla says: ‘These people often ask friends for advice and then lose interest if the friend doesn’t support their victim story. People feel drained when you turn them into a garbage can to dump your toxic exhaust into, while martyrs suffocate others with their projected guilt.”