The signs you had are a narcissistic parent – from someone who has been diagnosed as one

A diagnosed narcissist has shared the signs that you grew up with a narcissistic parent.

HG Tudor, who talks about their narcissism diagnosis on their YouTube page, noted that narcissists “show up in a lot of different places,” such as social situations or at work.

“There are two arenas in which the presence of a narcissist causes the most damage: romantic entanglement and familial entanglement.”

“Those who have a parent or parents who are narcissists had no choice.

]They were taken to a home where a narcissist existed, and they were subjected to that throughout their childhood and adulthood.”

According to HG Tudor, it is not until adulthood that people realize (or suspect) that their parents are narcissists. He pointed out that it is “unusual” for a child to come to that conclusion.

He noted that being in a romantic relationship with a narcissist can make people realize that their parent was one too.

Another way people come to this conclusion is by analyzing their own behavior, which, he noted, “comes from the abuse you have suffered, seeing how you react in certain circumstances,” and perhaps Seeking therapy you discover you have been exposed to a parental narcissist.

According to the American Psychological Association: “Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is the group of cluster B disorders that also includes antisocial, histrionic, and borderline disorders. NPD involves three elements: an inflated self-image, a lack of warmth or empathy in relationships, and the use of a variety of strategies to maintain the inflated self-image.”

Although NPD is a disorder, people can also have narcissistic traits without having the disorder.

1. You are expected to be the caregiver

According to HG Tudor, the role of parents is to ‘protect the child from the vagaries of life, to guide him, to provide him with emotional support, of course not only to provide shelter, warmth, food and drink, but also to protect the child from the vagaries of life. guide them through life’.

Most parents, when faced with difficulties, will “suck it up and deal with it” because children are not equipped to deal with the problems of adults.

But when it comes to a narcissistic parent, he said, “you as a child may become the emotional rock for the narcissist who complains about the behavior of the others” — especially the spouse or other family members.

In addition, children of narcissistic parents may be expected to perform other duties, including household chores and taking care of their parents – physically or financially. In other words, ‘ultimately you have to educate the parent’.

2. Boundaries are repeatedly crossed

According to HG Tudor, narcissistic parents overstep their children’s boundaries, choose their friends, forbid them to spend time with some people and generally interfere with other aspects of their lives.

Moreover, he said, “If you try to fight back against this interference, you may very well be met with anger.”

3. You are used to validating them

The third point HG Tudor made was that narcissistic parents use their children to validate them.

In the video, he said, “They seek your agreement even if you actually disagree with their behavior. They must have your approval. They may gossip about other people, criticize them, and expect you to agree with their point of view.”

He added that they “repeatedly seek validation for their behavior by getting approval from you – a parent just has to get on with it.”

A narcissistic parent may also seek validation by “showing off a child’s achievements by bragging about them.” […] the reactions they receive as fuel give them confirmation that they are a good, brilliant and talented parent.’

He added that healthy parents do not seek this confirmation from external sources.

4. Using favorites

Narcissistic parents use favorites, according to HG Tudor, who said it could be one of their children, or one of their cousins, or even their intimate partner – and everyone else is “triangulated” with the favorite.

He added: ‘You notice this as a result of there being different expectations between you and your peers about school performance, sports performance, where you end up in terms of career, what you earn, positions you hold. Favoritism can be demonstrated through punishment. For example, you are punished, but your brother or sister is never punished, or leniency is shown when it comes to the type of punishment imposed.’

You may also be repeatedly triangulated through comparison, such as asking why you can’t be more like the favorite.

5. Their needs come before you

HG Tudor shared his fifth point, saying that narcissistic parents’ free time is more important than parenting, which can lead to neglect because they are “too wrapped up” in what they are doing to be interested in what their children have to say. .

He suggested it could go even further, saying: ‘They could be creating a fake crisis […] to make sure you pay attention to what they need, disrupting your daily life. They may repeatedly ask for help even though they can manage just fine on their own, or they may demand help with certain problems, interrupting your life.’

6. Shifting blame

The narcissistic parent can never take responsibility, according to the content creator, who added that blaming others is “part of the defense mechanism of narcissism.”

Giving an example of some things the parent might say, HG Tudor said, “If I hadn’t had you, I would be a multi-millionaire by now. Look what you’ve made of me. Are you making me this way? You’re making me hit you. You ruined my life. Everything was great until you came.”

7. Your independence is a threat to the narcissist

According to HG Tudor, for healthy parents it is natural ‘when their child eventually flies the nest’, but they are aware that this is ‘all part of the healthy evolution of the relationship’, and they know that it is healthy for the child to go his own way. own way in the world.

However, this is not the case when it comes to the narcissistic parent, he said in the video.

‘As a child of a parental narcissist […] you need to be checked,” he said

He added: “Anything that, as you become more independent, throws off that narcissist’s shackles of control will threaten that narcissist’s need for control, resulting in the need to try to push that threat of control to one or other other way to destroy it.’

8. The narcissist lives through you

Moving on to his eighth point, HG Tudor said, “You are simply an extension of the narcissistic parent, a little mirror that is there to carry out the narcissist’s wishes, to always be under control.”

The result of this, he said, is that “your character traits.” [are] taken by the narcissist, your individuality is diminished’.

Additionally, the narcissistic parent can dictate important life choices, such as what you do for a career, and steal credit for your achievements.

He added: ‘Claiming your achievements is also a way to exert control over you, to make you remember that you are only there at the mercy of the narcissist.’

9. You are marginalized so that the narcissist remains superior

According to the content creator, “the narcissist can either empower themselves or tear other people down.”

He added: “And that’s why, as a child of a narcissist, you’ll find yourself being cut down repeatedly. This was reflected in the sharp criticism, the rejection of your own successes and the reduction of your achievements […] No matter how hard you try, no matter what you achieve, you will ultimately be marginalized.”

10. You often feel ashamed

The narcissist has no emotional empathy for you, HG Tudor said in the video, noting that “your reactions, your emotional reactions to circumstances are just dismissed.”

He added that when their child cries, they may tell them to stop and accuse them of overreacting.

“Their absence of emotional empathy is clear and obvious,” he said. ‘They’re not interested in helping you. They are not interested in supporting you. Your reaction is bothersome because you are making demands on the narcissist, and you are not there to do that. They are there to make demands on you.’