The secret relationships in women’s football: How romances between stars are everywhere – and one top team has FIVE couples in the same dressing room

It was only six years ago that the women’s game turned professional and there were no strict rules regarding relationships.

For teammates, coaches, managers, staff.

An eyebrow might have been raised, but with so little attention paid to the sport, there was no outrage. Do whatever you want. Nothing to see here.

Yesterday, Manchester United called a meeting of their players and staff to remind them of their ‘relationships policy’. Separately, an email was also sent to both players and agents with written notice. It was a wake-up call for the women’s game this week. Checks are now taking place.

Polly Bancroft, responsible for the strategic direction of United’s women’s team, was proactive after a week in which relationships in the dressing room, between players, coaches and players together – many of them clandestine – have become the talk of the town.

WSL clubs are keen to protect themselves (and their assets) if the dam breaks. There’s more at stake than team harmony; Concerns about its protection are at the center of many a locker room debate.

In February, Jonathan Morgan was sacked by Sheffield United after the club learned he had a relationship with a teenage player while he was manager of Leicester. The relationship took place before Leicester were a professional club, but that didn’t matter.

Morgan claimed that such relationships were rife in the women’s game, and that is not inaccurate. Last week, Leicester suspended Willie Kirk over an alleged relationship with a player.

“I think the relationships between players and coaches are inappropriate, and relationships between players are inappropriate,” Chelsea manager Emma Hayes said this week.

“We have to look at it in the context of where the game has come from and say, look, we are now in a professional era where the expectations for players and coaches are such that all our focus and attention has disappeared. to meet the highest standards.’

‘That’s why I’ve always been in favor of ensuring clubs have minimum standards, whether it’s code of conduct, player protection and player welfare. I don’t think it’s just in and around player-coach relationships.”

Hayes was asked to explain why relationships between players are inappropriate. Two of her players, England left back Jess Carter and goalkeeper Ann-Katrin Berger, are in a relationship. Hayes also signed Pernille Harder for a world record fee in 2020, despite the Dane having a well-publicised relationship with Chelsea captain Magdalena Eriksson. Both players left for Bayern Munich last summer.

‘It’s about the challenges it brings. One player is on the team, one is not on the team. One may be in the final year of his contract, the other may not. Someone may be competing with someone else in a position. You don’t need me to spell that out. It brings challenges.”

Hayes seemed to be making the point that relationships in general could or should be phased out as professionalization and finances in the women’s game continue to grow.

Mail Sport is also aware of an elite international team who recently had as many as five couples in the same dressing room. How difficult would it be for a coach to make that happen?

We were also told of an example of a female manager who recently left a club after a relationship with one of its players came to light. That was not the reason the club gave for her departure. This coach still works in women’s football.

There are people who work in women’s football who are shocked by this and think that female coaches who have relationships with players are worse than male coaches. “This is a professional environment, not a social club,” as one source put it.

In the past two months, one manager has been fired over a previous relationship with a player, while another manager has been suspended pending an investigation.

The problem can no longer hide in the shadows. When I wrote about the issue of the player-coach relationship in my women’s soccer column earlier this week, I didn’t expect such a response.

Managers were asked and discussed about a topic that has so often remained off the agenda. Casey Stoney and Aston Villa manager Carla Ward are among two managers who have commented publicly.

Stoney, a former England captain and head coach of US club San Diego Wave, made her position abundantly clear: ‘Player-coach relationships should NEVER happen. THE END.’

This is not a new issue. Mark Sampson was sacked as England manager in 2017 after it emerged he had previously had a relationship with a player he had coached at the Bristol Academy. Following Sampson’s dismissal, Baroness Sue Campbell, the FA’s head of women’s football, said player-coach relations were a “concern” and an issue that “needed to be addressed.” But that was actually not dealt with at all. The relationships continued behind closed doors and it is only because the women’s game is now under a bigger microscope that action is being taken.

The reality that many do not want to acknowledge is that it is easier for clubs to take action against male coaches.

But it’s not just male managers the women’s game has to worry about. Mail Sport has been told about various relationships, past and present, between female coaches and players.

Some occurred before the women’s game became professional, while others are more recent. Some are not reportable for legal reasons. This is usually because the players or coaches involved have not made their sexuality public.

It’s essentially easier for female coaches to hide in plain sight. Some clubs will have to decide whether there will be consequences for female coaches who have had relationships with players in the future.

In my column I wrote that there seems to be more acceptance of relationships between female coaches and players. That’s because they are even more common than heterosexual relationships. But acceptance may have been the wrong word. It’s less that people like to turn a blind eye, and more that it’s harder to deal with it publicly.

In this case, it is much easier for female managers to find jobs elsewhere than for men whose relationships have been exposed.

There are also more complicated examples. Last month, Wales hired Rhian Wilkinson as manager. Wilkinson, 41, was investigated over concerns about her conduct as head coach of the American club Portland Thorns.

Wilkinson said she exchanged messages with one of her players, who had previously been a teammate, and that the two had expressed feelings for each other but had not acted on them.

Wilkinson said she reported herself to the club, which passed the information on to the National Women’s Soccer League.

The investigation cleared Wilkinson of any wrongdoing, but she decided to resign after feeling she had lost the support of the players. Some are said to have felt ‘restless and unsafe’.

WSL managers had their say on player-coach relations this week. Some were much stronger on this issue than others.

West Ham did not allow any questions on the subject, while Brighton allowed one, before closing the discussion after boss Mikey Harris said: ‘It’s very difficult to answer because I think there’s so much context around the subject that I’m not. I’m not really aware of it, so I don’t really feel comfortable answering something that I don’t have enough context about.”

Others felt more than comfortable tackling the topic.

“It is our job and our obligation to protect players first and foremost. So it is unacceptable to cross that line and it cannot happen,” said Villa boss Ward.

Spurs boss Robert Vilahamn agreed, saying: “I don’t think it’s acceptable at all. As a coach I am in a position of power towards players and staff. I think it’s very unprofessional to have a relationship with a player. I don’t think this is a question we should be asking here, I think it’s crazy.’

Hayes raised an important but somewhat controversial debate. While relationships between players and coaches are common in women’s soccer, so are relationships between players from the same or different teams.

Hayes seemed to irritate her own players with her comments. Carter liked a series of posts on X criticizing her manager, including one that called her comments “extremely crazy.”

The relationships between players distract from the real issue at hand here. It can be a challenge, but they don’t create the same power imbalance that exists between a manager and a player.

Kirk’s suspension last week sent shockwaves through women’s football. Other managers will no doubt be looking over their shoulders and wondering if they might be the next to face questions. This is a topic that will not go away. The lid that was on this can of worms is off and is not supposed to be put back on.