The world watched in horror last month as footage emerged of former hip-hop superstar P. Diddy violently attacking his former girlfriend, singer Cassie Ventura, in a hotel hallway.
The disturbing video surveillance showed the star slamming her to the ground and then kicking and dragging her across the floor in an attempt to prevent her from leaving.
He is far from the only celebrity to commit acts of violence against a partner. Legendary recording artist Tina Turner said she was abused by her husband Ike for years, while R&B singer Chris Brown was accused in 2009 of beating his former partner Rihanna.
Many of the female victims say they were surprised by the violent behavior of the person they loved – who was gentle and kind when she met him.
So how can women spot someone who has the potential to become violent? Speaking to DailyMail.com, experts say that while there are a multitude of reasons why men abuse, there are also a few common predictors.
Recent footage released of former hip-hop superstar P. Diddy shows him slamming his then-girlfriend Cassie Ventura to the ground, kicking her and dragging her across the floor
In 2009, R&B singer Chris Brown was accused of beating his former partner Rihanna
These include a need for control and power, a sense of entitlement, a lack of self-esteem and cultural beliefs about domestic violence that they use to justify their behavior.
Case workers who rehabilitate abusers have talked about the reasons given by the criminals themselves. These include using physical violence as a way to obtain sex and preventing partners from leaving.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) estimates that one in four women and one in nine men in the US experience some form of domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence.
On average, almost 20 people per minute are physically abused by their partner, which equates to more than 10 million men and women per year.
The US saw an increase in intimate partner violence during Covid, as lockdown measures limited victims’ access to resources and the outside world and exacerbated factors typically associated with violence, such as stress, money problems and alcohol and substance use.
Although abuse can be committed by men and women against both men and women, the U.S. Department of Justice has found that at least 85 percent of victims are women.
Crystal Justice, head of external affairs at the National Domestic Violence Hotline, told DailyMail.com: ‘Domestic violence is not always physical. Intimate partner violence can manifest itself in many ways, including instances of physical, emotional, digital – using technology to cause harm – and financial abuse and control.
‘The non-physical forms of abuse can be just as damaging, but more difficult to identify.’
Domestic violence can start subtly and then escalate.
The abuser may express a need to take ownership of their finances, where their partner goes, who they talk to, and what they wear.
They also bully and manipulate, verbally abuse, and make their partner feel guilty for no reason.
Experts told this website that common warning signs of a potential abuser include jealousy, wanting to isolate a partner, being forceful during sex, being violent towards animals, blaming others for their problems or feelings, rushing into the relationship and placing unrealistic expectations on partners .
Gayle Weill, a licensed psychotherapist in New York, told DailyMail.com, “There is no single reason or factor that determines why someone abuses, but there are some common psychological factors that may contribute.”
These include a need for control that stems from a man’s low self-esteem, who feels threatened by his partner’s independence or success.
Many abusers may also have a history of witnessing abuse, for example between their parents.
They may also view violence as an appropriate way to resolve conflict or have difficulty expressing emotions that could lead to aggression.
Abusers may think they are entitled to power. They often believe that men are dominant figures in relationships, causing them to use abusive tactics to gain and maintain control.
In addition, Ms. Weill said cultural beliefs and environment play a significant role in abuse and that social pressure also contributes.
She added: ‘Societal narratives can trivialize or even excuse male abuse, especially if it is seen as ‘assertiveness’ or ‘protective behaviour’. This can lead men to minimize their violent actions and avoid seeking help for unhealthy behavior patterns.
‘Beware of friends who joke about controlling their partners, making light of violence or blaming victims can normalize abusive behaviour. This can make a man who already struggles with anger or control issues feel like his actions are acceptable.”
Dr. Brian Tierney, a psychologist, agreed, telling this website that he believes “the social construction of masculinity is toxic” and that pop culture, like movies and music, “plays an important role in influencing the masculine internal story and the emotions.’
American lover Anna Kendrick said she was emotionally and psychologically abused in a previous six-year relationship, but has never revealed the identity of her abuser
Legendary recording artist Tina Turner says she suffered years of abuse from her husband Ike Turner, including being beaten while pregnant
Chuck Derry, co-founder of the Gender Violence Institute, added: ‘One of the biggest contributors to (abuse) is the social norms that men are the head of the household, men are better than women, women are weak, women be emotional. , women are stupid… all this cultural language that we (are exposed to).
“So it all supports this idea: ‘I’m in control. This is my house. You will do as I say. You married me and I own you.” It’s really about men who are selfish – incredibly selfish – and are willing to hurt others to get what they want.”
Mr Derry, who has worked with abusive men in the justice system for more than 40 years, said abusers cannot hide behind the excuse of mental health problems.
He told DailyMail.com that psychological assessments of the men who attended his groups showed they were no more likely to suffer from mental health problems than the average person.
Although several experts told this website that many abusers have been abused themselves or witnessed domestic abuse as children, Mr Derry said this is no guarantee a man will repeat the cycle.
Through his legal work, he discovered that many of the men were not victims and did not witness violence. Meanwhile, he knows brothers and sisters of abusers who are victims of the same domestic violence and who do not become violent.
Mr Derry said: ‘I’ve worked with so many men who are one of three or four brothers and their father was very violent… but only one of those brothers grew up and became violent. The other three said, “I will never inflict this kind of pain in anyone’s life just to get what I want.”
“But one brother said, ‘Oh, this worked and Dad got what he wanted whenever he wanted.’
To help understand what makes men violent, Mr Derry asks men why they were abusive and what they thought the ‘benefits’ were.
They said it earned them respect, allowed them to control finances, establish power and dominance, and get sex whenever they wanted.
Responses included: “She doesn’t want to spend money” and “getting my way,” as well as scaring her into staying and controlling behavior the abusers don’t like, such as going out or wearing certain clothes.
Some men said they abused because it allowed them to “convince her that she was messing up” or isolate her from her family and friends.
In most cases, men only decide to change their behavior when they face a prison sentence and are forced to undergo court-ordered treatment, Mr Derry said.
Abusive men, Derry said, have “decided to be physically violent.”
The idea that they will ‘just snap’ one day is a common misunderstanding.
He says, “If they are physically violent, they have decided to be physically violent. They decided at that moment, or two weeks ago, or two months ago, that if she ever does that again, they will slap her.
‘The snap (belief) suggests that abusers simply lose control… and they don’t. They have complete control.”
While many outsiders will ask victims why they stayed in the relationship and why it took so long for them to leave, experts say, “Leaving an abusive relationship is never easy – and it’s not always the safest option.”
Some may stay because they cannot access their money or have lost touch with their support system. Their partners can track their location, making it impossible to escape. They can also stay if there are children or pets involved and they do not want to leave them behind.
What is encouraging, however, is that the discussion about domestic violence has recently started to emerge, with the stigma of shame that victims feel disappearing and people becoming more willing to talk about it.
This is extremely helpful in helping abuse victims safely leave their toxic relationships and heal from their trauma.
A survivor of domestic violence told DailyMail.com; ‘It’s been almost ten years since I left my mentally and psychologically abusive relationship of six years, and I have only now begun to shake off the shame I carried for it and share my story.
“I feel less ashamed and I hope that by speaking up, other young women will see that there is light on the other side and that they are not victims of domestic violence, but survivors.”