The pitfalls of believing that love is entirely a matter of fate: Relationships seen as ‘destined’ are the fastest to go downhill, academics warn
Some romantics may think that finding their partner depends on fate.
But be warned: Research shows that believing your relationship is βmeant to beβ can lead to problems later on.
Researchers have found that people who believe relationships grow through effort actually tend to maintain higher levels of satisfaction over the years.
A team from the University of Basel recruited 904 couples from Germany, Switzerland, Austria and other countries.
The two’s ages ranged from 18 to 81 and their relationships lasted for varying periods of time, from a few months to decades.
Some romantics may think that finding their partner is a matter of fate. But be warned: Believing that your relationship is ‘meant to be’ could lead to long-term problems, a study suggests (stock image)
Researchers have found that people who believe relationships grow through effort tend to maintain higher levels of satisfaction over the years (stock image)
The researchers asked participants to complete a questionnaire that measured their expectations about their future and growth when it came to a relationship.
For example, they indicated to what extent they agreed with statements such as ‘A successful relationship is mainly a matter of finding a suitable partner’ or ‘A successful relationship is mainly a matter of learning to resolve conflicts with a partner.’
Relationship satisfaction was also measured using a questionnaire that asked, for example, how much a person loved his or her partner, how often the partner met his or her needs, and how good the person thought the relationship was compared to most other relationships.
Analysis showed that individuals with strong beliefs about their future were more satisfied with their relationship at the start of the study.
However, their satisfaction declined more over the two-year study period compared to those who had a strong belief in growth.
The findings, published in the European Journal of Personality, suggest that the idea that relationships can improve through effort helps maintain higher levels of satisfaction in the long term.
Dr Fabian Gander, lead author of the study, said: ‘In romantic relationships, relationship satisfaction typically declines over time.
But how we think about love can affect our satisfaction.
Analysis showed that individuals with strong fate trust beliefs were more satisfied with their relationship at the beginning of the study. However, their satisfaction declined more over the two-year study period compared to those with strong growth trust beliefs (stock image)
People who believe that “love is meant to be” are more satisfied with their relationships than people who don’t. However, this belief doesn’t protect them from becoming less satisfied with their relationships over time.
But for people who believe that ‘love grows through effort,’ relationship satisfaction declines less over time and they have higher expectations for the future of their relationship.
‘If you convince people that they can maintain relationships and teach them ideas about how to do so, if it is effective, it could provide evidence for a causal link between beliefs and relationship satisfaction.
‘It could also lay the foundation for practical applications in relationship therapy.’