The sight of an older man interacting with a woman twenty or even forty years younger than him may provoke a few snide remarks, but the “old goat and young (impressionable) woman” dynamic can have nefarious and very damaging consequences for all involved.
Throughout history, men have set their sights on younger prey. Picasso famously seduced his second wife, Jacqueline Roque, when he was 71 and she was only 25, but his charisma and magnetic power were irresistible to many.
A more common contemporary scenario is what I call “the revenge of the nerds.” A man who in his youth was far too studious and serious to have much appeal to women his own age might achieve success later in life and, enjoying a renewed prestige, suddenly gain access to the beautiful young things that wouldn’t have done. I gave him a second look before.
Another common motivation is men who have married their childhood sweetheart and thirty years later feel compelled to play up the missed opportunities of a sexually active youth.
Picasso famously seduced his second wife, Jacqueline Roque (pictured together), when he was 71 and she was only 25
An unusual quest to pursue younger women can also be motivated as a knee-jerk reaction to a damaged ego. When a man is knocked off his pedestal by financial failure or humiliated by a messy divorce, he may seek comfort and status with a younger model.
It’s a good idea to be alert to these potential motivators in your partner and watch for telltale signs that may be completely innocent, but can also be warning signs for a man who is involved with or trying to impress someone who is half is as old as he is.
He starts wearing skinny jeans
If your man starts behaving in an unusually vain way – revamping his wardrobe, going to the gym with previously absent enthusiasm – you have reason to suspect that he is looking for someone new. But if his new habits seem strange or ridiculous to a middle-aged man (perhaps he’s started dying his hair or exploring a hair transplant, swapping his cap for a bucket hat and wearing Gymshark hoodies), a younger woman might could be on his radar.
He uses the words ‘rizz’, ‘bruh’ or ‘glazer’
Unless his conversation is heavy with irony or laced with healthy sarcasm, using popular teen slang terms such as “rizz” (charismatic), “cheugy” (ticklish or clumsy), or “slaps” (great) is inappropriate in a middle-aged man. just not appropriate. Yes, a newly expanded vocabulary could be a sign that he is (ineffectively) trying to sound relevant to his kids and their friends, but he may also be quite ‘delulu’ (delusional) when it comes to ‘catching feelings’ for someone which is far away from its borders. his age category.
He is concerned with the sexual proclivities of young people
It’s very creepy when a grown man can’t stop talking about the ways young people have sex these days, and you’re right to worry when he tells lurid stories about what his adult children are up to, or tells stories about the exuberant comments from the receptionist. promiscuity. Whether he sounds jealous or shocked, his intense interest could be a sign that he is sailing a little too close to the wind.
He’s looking for a chemical solution
Trying to keep up with a younger woman can be exhausting for an older man, and he may turn to chemical aids like cocaine or Viagra to keep him going. Watch out for dilated pupils or grunting (clenching of the teeth and erratic and uncontrollable jaw movements), or a newfound ability to be the life and soul of the party, whereas previously he was yawning before the end of the news from 10 p.m.
He books tickets for a Vamps concert
When your jazz-loving husband has spent the past few decades complaining about the way pop stars dress (“Why the hell don’t those guys pull up their pants?”), sing (“How are we supposed to understand those words?” ) or perform (“it’s so LOUD!’) you can rightly be suspicious when he books tickets to see 5 Seconds Of Summer or an overnight stay at Wireless Festival. There’s a subtle, but potentially sinister difference between a healthy appreciation for new music and a slavish new devotion to synth-pop.
…and what to do if you suspect this is the case
Don’t try to play him at his game. A facelift and an exciting new wardrobe (for you) won’t do the trick. It’s much better to sit down and talk. Tell him (gently) that his behavior is embarrassing and disrespectful. Find out things early enough and this could be a great opportunity for both of you to talk together about the passage of time and what it means to grow older.
- As told to Louise Atkinson