The one lesson I’ve learned from life

Lauren Child CBE is author and illustrator best known for her Charlie and Lola books, as well as its Clarice Bean and Ruby Redfort Serie. He lives in London, with his partner, Adrián, and his daughter, Tuesday 12.

My childhood memories of this time of year are, with a few exceptions, all good. What was magical were the repeated traditions: decorations, Boxing Day rides, New Year’s Eve parties.

By contrast, in my adult life, all of my favorite holiday memories involve the unexpected. So, if you’re not getting the sleep you hoped for, don’t worry, as often the best memories are made when plans go awry.

In 2005 my sister and I made last minute plans to go to Copenhagen. Our flight was delayed six hours due to snow, and when we got off the plane my luggage had not traveled with us.

Hearing this, my friend Ben, who was staying in the Danish capital with his parents, called with the message: ‘Mum says, ‘You can’t spend Christmas alone.’ And suddenly there we were, in one of those Danish houses you see on all the postcards, perfect in the snow.

At the end of 2010, the father of my partner Adrián died. He was very loved and everyone was grieving. It was almost too painful to be around his family, so we decided to spend Christmas at our friends’ farm. Adrian and I stayed until Boxing Day and that morning we drove to lunch with his family. It was beautiful to see them, but the sense of pain and loss was overwhelming.

On the way home our friend Pat called on the phone and asked how it went. And when I told him, he said, ‘Why don’t you come back to the farm with us?’ And so we did. The moment we walked in the door, our spirits were lifted.

We have no real control over what will happen next in life. I wanted to put this truth at the heart of my new book, Clarice Bean: Think Like An Elf, in which eight-year-old Clarice finds her plans really are falling apart, but it’s thinking like one of Santa’s helpers that solves all in the end

We may want to control events, but rarely can. And they are often much more exciting when we don’t.

• Lauren Child’s Clarice Bean: Think Like An Elf is Fenwick’s Christmas Window for 2022

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