The 20 questions every woman should ask on a first date: Julie says she’s found the perfect formula

You may imagine the perfect first date should include flowers, candles and perhaps some sultry background music to set the mood.

My first date must-have, however, is something rather different: a list of 20 questions for any potential suitor, enabling me efficiently to weed out any dating duds, and easily identify those precious ‘keepers’.

Among other things, my dating questionnaire allows me to discover whether my potential Mr Right likes quinoa or chips, is in bed by 9.30pm, like myself, and, vitally, whether he speaks kindly of his mother.

On a deeper level, it helps me quickly establish a picture of the heart and soul of the man, whether he is trustworthy and if we might be compatible. Time is of the essence when you get to 54 and are still single, after all!

Clearly, I am very fussy when it comes to dating. But why shouldn’t we women of a certain age be fussy? After all, I’ve been dating for nearly half my life, now, and simply haven’t the time or patience to leave much to chance any more. That’s why I wholly agree with TV presenter Trisha Goddard who — with two divorces, and 64 years on the clock — said last month that she gave a questionnaire to the man who is now her fiance in order to ‘cut the c***’. She said her questionnaire meant she didn’t waste time dating someone who would ultimately not be the right fit for her.

Some might think this approach is unromantic, or impatient — but to me, it just sounds like good sense.

Because there are some definite romantic red lines for me that instantly rule out potential Romeos. For example, as a nutrition and wellness consultant, it’s important any partner of mine doesn’t mistreat their body or drink too much. I also prefer to sleep with my head on an incline — raised higher than my feet — as studies have shown it can be good for your health. So if a man couldn’t get comfy in my specially adapted bed, that would be something of a deal-breaker for me.

Aside from this, I’d love someone with whom I can enjoy day trips and holidays. Someone to laugh with. Looks? I admit I prefer dark features, but they must have a friendly, smiley disposition. And if a man remembered my favourite flowers are freesias, then that would mean the world to me.

In my 20s, I told my father about the kind of qualities I wanted in a man and he replied, ‘Julie, enjoy spinsterhood!’ But the reality is, like so many middle-aged women, I’m at the stage of life when looks just aren’t enough of a pull any more.

While I once tried a dating website, I prefer to be matched by friends who know me. I’ve always assumed this is the best approach to find someone like-minded to share my life with. I wouldn’t mind a divorcé; I’ve been married too, once, in my 20s, but it was over before I turned 30. We just weren’t on the same wavelength any more.

Since then, I’ve had several short-term relationships, and a few dates, but have yet to find someone long-term who meets my needs. People so often comment ‘Why can’t you find a keeper, Julie?’ After all, I’m slim, attractive, own my home and am financially independent. But the men I have dated! Oh dear. They’ve generally been one of two extremes: either very demanding of my time and controlling, or terrible at maintaining regular contact and a bit lazy.

Thankfully, my questions helped spot them at an early stage, so I haven’t wasted too much of my precious time.

I’d encourage all women like me to take my approach to love. Don’t hold back. Ask my vital questions on your very first meeting. Life is short: every date counts, and I believe my questionnaire will eventually help me — and you — find love . . .

JULIE’S 20 ESSENTIAL FIRST-DATE QUESTIONS

1 What are your friends like?

Your friends reveal a lot about who you are. If they’re nice, honest people, then that is a good sign. But if they’re beer-swilling rowdy types, then that won’t work. I don’t mind a bit of banter, but a partner drinking a lot is not for me. Never mind the taste of alcohol, I can’t even stand the smell of it. Another red flag is those who talk negatively about others. I swerve gossipers, too.

2 How do you get on with your parents?

If you don’t come from a warm family or have a good relationship with your parents, I’d want to know why. Not because I’m nosy, but it’s nice to be involved in a welcoming family. There’s always a reason when a family isn’t close and if they didn’t get on with their parents, it could be they hold resentments that they bring into a relationship.

3 Do you have a good relationship with ex?

This is a bit of a trick question! If you’re nasty about your exes, you could be the same about me. I definitely don’t want to be with anyone who views past relationships in a negative light.

I believe we all come into one another’s lives for a reason. We learn good and bad from all encounters and that’s why negative Nellies who hold on to bitterness need not apply. It shows they hold grudges, which isn’t a good character trait.

4 What do you think about inclined beds?

I don’t want anyone to think I’m crackers but, yes, I sleep with my bed higher at head level. I’ve been doing it for years because it’s been shown to improve health.

I feel better for doing it and it’s easy to do: I just prop my bed up with a couple of books under the legs at the head end. I’m in good company because Elon Musk recently said this was a good option for sleep hygiene. (But no, I don’t think Elon and I are a match made in heaven!) Other things that are important to me between the sheets? That’s easy: I religiously wear an eye mask and earplugs because eradicating all noise and light helps me to sleep better. If a potential amour thinks this is weird, then it’s unlikely to work out between us.

5 Do you have a balanced diet?

If it’s a yes, let’s keep talking. Because it means you would probably accept that I eat and live very healthily. This is a bit of a deal-breaker for me because if a man likes junk and processed food, then long-term we won’t be compatible.

If they order meals such as processed burgers in restaurants, that would also be a no-no for me.

I’m not vegan but I do enjoy cooking from scratch. I’d want a partner to eat and enjoy the food I make. So instead of refined carbs, I go for buckwheat, quinoa and brown rice. I do eat white basmati rice occasionally, though. I avoid alcohol and dairy.

I’ve been on dates with men who seem really intolerant of my lifestyle and healthy regime, and make spiky comments about the hype around trendy intolerances. But the reality is I just don’t like booze, or dairy, and haven’t for decades.

6 Would you like to have children?

Because I very definitely do not! My son from my first marriage is 27 and, while I’m blessed to have him in my life, I wouldn’t want a man who wanted more children of his own. My age clearly makes this an impossibility. And while I’m happy for potential Mr Right to have children already, it’s preferable that they’re old enough to have their own lives and not be dependent on their father.

7 What hobbies do you have?

It’s healthy to like different things, but I’d prefer them to enjoy doing similar things to me when we spent time together, such as going to health events, walking in nature and salsa dancing.

8 Which do you prefer, early or late nights?

If they like late nights, then this wouldn’t work as I am normally in bed by 9.30pm.

9 Do you like a lot of contact by phone?

If they do like lots, then it feels too overwhelming for me, as I like my own space. However, if they don’t like much contact either, that’s also not ideal, as it could feel like they were not that interested in me, or maybe even had other people they were seeing.

But if they’re the type to message and expect a reply within the hour (and start bombarding me if they don’t get one!), I would say this person is too insecure for me.

10 Are you affectionate?

I’m very tactile, so public displays of affection such as hand-holding are important to me. I enjoy having my arm stroked or my back massaged. It’s a love language all of its own.

11 What are your worst traits?

I know I’m impatient — as an Aries, that’s a given — and can also be slightly inflexible. That said, I wouldn’t want a man who was moody and controlling. A pet hate is being late. It’s the height of rudeness.

12 Are you a fan of natural cosmetics?

I wouldn’t want artificially perfumed or chemically based products in my home. Items such as shower gels and aftershaves are overpowering when they are produced this way. When you’re used to natural products, the smell of synthetic chemicals is absolutely off-putting.

13 Do you love watching TV?

I don’t have any of the streaming services, such as Netflix, and think there is no bigger turn-off than binge-watching boxsets at weekends. While I did enjoy the BBC Wim Hof ‘Iceman’ series, I can’t remember the last time I watched a film.

I don’t want to be taken out of real life too much and be hypnotised by the small screen.

I’m very set in my ways and even someone putting the television on when I don’t want to watch it would really annoy me.

14 Is exercise important to you?

I practise qi gong outside first thing in the morning. I get up at 6am because the light at sunrise is important for the body to reset the circadian rhythms.

I’ve also got a rebounder, which is a mini trampoline. I find ten minutes of bouncing is about equivalent to a 30-minute jog and is a great way to oxygenate my body.

I usually bounce to a bit of Bob Marley and finish it off with a bit of stretching. That said, men obsessed with the gym or having a perfectly honed six-pack aren’t for me.

15 Are you addicted to your phone?

Scrolling is a drug. I detest it. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was so easily distracted. I put my phone on silent when I eat and refuse to allow anyone to have a phone at the table.

16 What do you feel about finances?

I prefer a middle ground. I’m not into labels and couldn’t contemplate being with someone who pays hundreds of pounds for one item — but, equally, a stingy attitude is a turn-off — especially with food.

I pay a lot to eat healthily. Because it’s important to me, I would never cut corners when it comes to buying healthy food, and prefer organic, so lower-quality food would never work for me.

17 Are you a metrosexual?

I wouldn’t want a man who put too much effort into his appearance. Clean, tidy — yes. Groomed and preened — no way.

I’m never going to rub along with a guy who asks me if he looks nice rather than telling me that I look nice.

18 Do you have a pet of your own?

I’ll say it now: While I do like pets, if a man put their dog before me, we might as well stop there. The same goes for guys who let their dogs sleep in the bedroom.

I dated one chap who allowed his into the bedroom and he barked all night. Awful. The same goes if we’re out enjoying one another’s company and they’ve got to get back for the dog. Just no.

19 Would you like to get married?

While I certainly do not dream of a white gown or the big day (again), if my Romeo wanted to and is happy to arrange everything so I can just turn up then I might be up for that!

But at the same time would that mean we’d have to live together, too? Because that’s another conversation entirely. I do not want to be someone else’s housekeeper.

Would I want us to live in separate homes? That’s debatable!

20 How do you deal with arguments?

How you handle conflict will tell me everything about you. If you’re quick to anger or blame other people, then you know where the door is. I much prefer to talk situations through. 

• Do you think you could meet Julie’s standards and be her match made in heaven? Contact blinddate@dailymail.co.uk.