Welcome to a great new era.
Apparently the Brazilian butt lifts, backless dresses with built-in thongs and the endless idolization of Kim Kardashian’s derriere are all over.
According to a flurry of breathless inches, the assless but ample chest, like me, can finally breathe a sigh of relief: the breasts are back!
And they say we girls can thank Sydney Sweeney for a big part of this positive return.
In reality, women like Sweeney and I know that there has never really been an “era” that isn’t a boob era.
Yes, the precise size and distribution of the “acceptable” female frame changes seasonally, depending on the whims of magazine editors and advertising executives.
And yes, the fickle cultural pendulum may indeed be swinging with the release of songs like ‘Baby Got Back’ and heavy-bottomed Nicki Minaj’s ‘Anaconda’ – but a quick chat with a red-blooded man will tell you everything you need to know about which is always in fashion.
According to a flurry of breathless inches, the assless but ample chest, like me, can finally breathe a sigh of relief: the breasts are back!
And they say we girls can thank Sydney Sweeney for a big part of this great return. In reality, women like Sweeney and I know that there has never really been an “era” that isn’t a boob era. (Image: author Kara Kennedy).
Honestly, I would be shocked if any of my straight men, or even my husband, knew what color my eyes were. And I don’t care either.
What irritates me is this exaggerated and shocked obsession with what we all know as timelessly desirable possessions.
How did we get here?
As Hollywood’s newest It Girl, Sweeney has been riding something of a busty wave for quite some time now.
Now 26, she first appeared in 2019, playing a teenager that no one really believed was a teenager in the hyper-sexualized HBO high school hit Euphoria.
But she’s really turned heads in recent years with a starring role in The White Lotus’ smash debut, a riveting music video for the Rolling Stones, plus cinematic roles in Everyone But You and the super-hated superhero film Madame Web – which literally everyone thought was completely awful minus Sydney’s presence.
And so, once again, the world agrees that a busty blonde is truly one of life’s finer pleasures. Is that a terrible thing?
While Sydney’s stunning figure is having a moment – 20 million Instagram followers and counting – it’s abundantly clear that she’s so much more than that.
Her SNL hosting gig earlier this month was proof positive of comedic talent. Critics called it a rare triumph for the aging Saturday series.
But then came the overshadowing, ridiculous argument.
“Sydney Sweeney proves wokeness is death,” was the common theme of a series of frothy tweets from celebratory right-wingers.
On the other side of the aisle, the hourglass actress was cast as a victim of misogyny.
“Sydney Sweeney embraces the male gaze,” read a dignified Newsweek headline, with a bit of jargon only a graduate student could love.
As Hollywood’s newest It Girl, Sweeney has been riding something of a busty wave for quite some time now. Now 26, she first appeared in 2019, playing a teenager that no one really believed was a teenager in the hyper-sexualized HBO high school hit “Euphoria.”
And so, once again, the world agrees that a busty blonde is truly one of life’s finer pleasures. Is that a terrible thing? (Photo: Kara).
The problem is that neither side has fully grasped the significance of this cultural moment. They also don’t do much service to Sweeney’s extensive brainpower.
Indeed – why is Everyone in an uproar over a nice pair of breasts?
The answer is deeply rooted in Western culture.
A woman’s sexuality has long been used as a stick to beat her with. It’s a tired paradox as old as Joe Biden: Too sexy? You’re a slut. Too covered? You’re freezing.
Whisper it – but a lot of this chest-thumping is done by other womenwho don’t like to see a hostile split moving up the workplace food chain.
And now, over the past decade – and with the advent of social media – it’s all gone haywire.
We’ve seen cover stars transform from busty models with six-packs to oversized models like Lizzo and other body positive figureheads like Tess Holliday.
Vogue now champions non-binary stars like Emma Corrin and Sam Smith, and chest binders are more ‘in’ than real breasts!
The utter sexlessness of this TikTok-led rant has so warped our sense of beauty that it’s no wonder young people are having so little sex.
Think about it. Anyone under the age of 18 has never truly experienced classic Hollywood beauty in the shows and movies they watch. The Marilyns, the Bardots, the Taylors.
It all means that when someone like Sweeney comes along, we can’t quite believe what we’re seeing.
Sweeney understands this and leans forward. She has even described her breasts as her “best friends.” Can you blame her?
It hasn’t always been this way.
Sweeney also revealed that she once considered getting breasts decrease surgery.
“When I was in high school I felt uncomfortable about how big my breasts were and I always said I would get a boob job when I was 18 to make them smaller,” she told Glamor UK in December. .
Fortunately, she listened to her mother, who warned that she would regret it. How right she was.
A woman’s sexuality has long been used as a stick to beat her with. It’s a tired paradox as old as Joe Biden: Too sexy? You’re a slut. Too covered? You’re freezing.
“When I was in high school I felt uncomfortable about how big my breasts were and I always said I would get a breast augmentation when I was 18 to make them smaller,” Sweeney told Glamor UK in December. .
Luckily for me, when I was in high school, I quickly realized that bigger breasts were a plus and didn’t complain. Even when they landed me in hot water.
Clothing – no matter how conservative – often looked vulgar or overly flashy. Men stared, and a distant ex-boyfriend even found it acceptable to show his friends intimate photos of them.
Women’s bodies – flat or full – deserve respect. That is obvious.
But it’s certainly refreshing to see Sweeney rise to the fore as a symbol of unabashed, uncomplicated enjoyment of warmth.
Maybe this is the beginning of a new frontier, silencing the blue-haired libs who like to insist that ugliness is chic.
Or maybe that’s wishful thinking.
Either way, those of us who have to live with back pain and hold our chests while going over speed bumps should at least enjoy this moment to the fullest.