Ghosting, ignoring someone you were previously in a relationship with, is incredibly common in our digital age.
It can happen among potential partners, friends or even family members.
Now a study has shed light on the reasons why people do it.
When asked by psychologists why they had ghosted someone, ghosters reported similar characteristics among their dates.
Specifically, they excluded someone because they thought he was ‘pushy’ and ‘clingy’.
According to psychology website Psychcentral, up to a quarter of Americans have been ghosted.
This facts comes from 34 self-admitted ghosters interviewed in 2023 by clinical psychologists Karen Wu and Olajide Bamishigbin of California State University.
The findings are echoed in another study from researchers at Roanoke College, which found that people with a fear of abandonment were more likely to be ghosted than people without attachment issues.
“One possibility is that they were clingy and emotionally drained their ex-partners, making those partners more likely to take the easy way out and avoid the drama of a simple breakup,” psychologist Gwendolyn Seidman told me. Psychology today.
So if you can do your best to project confidence, independence and friendliness to a potential partner, you may be able to avoid being ghosted in the future, the research suggests.
“The only thing you can control is the way you communicate with the other person and the actions you take in response to their behavior,” licensed marriage and family therapist Omar Ruiz told Good + Good.
After reviewing the California State study, clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg said that when all else fails, there are ways to know when to give up on a ghoster.
“If one or two of your attempts to communicate don’t get a response, move on to your ghoster. It just doesn’t fit right she wrote.
Research shows that men and women are equally likely to commit ghosting
Wu and Bamishigbin interviewed the participants, who had ghosted a romantic connection, friend or family member, to determine their motivations.
About 97 percent of participants ghosted someone because they didn’t see a future with that person.
They cited clinginess, sheer incompatibility, and inappropriate behavior as reasons they knew it wouldn’t work out.
As for why people ghost, about 88 percent of participants ghosted to avoid confrontation, and 53 percent ghosted because they didn’t want something long-term with their potential partner.
One respondent said she ghosted because she knew her potential partner “didn’t want the same things I did, he wanted something much more than I could give him at the time.”
According to to a survey Of 5,000 American adults, 47 percent of women admitted to ghosting someone, compared to 44 percent of men.
Other psychologists note that if both people in a relationship communicate their needs early on, they are less likely to be disappointed and find themselves in a ghosting scenario.
The lack of closure a person gets from ghosting can cause major problems, psychologists said
‘Communicating wants, needs and desires can be challenging, but these are essential qualities that are fundamental to building lasting love and healthy relationships,’ sexologist Diane Litam told Forbes.
If it’s any consolation to someone who has been ghosted, not all of those who have been ghosted are happy about it afterwards.
After describing the initial relief, most respondents reported feeling guilty, bad, and sorry about their behavior.
They acknowledged, to varying degrees, that they had hurt the people they ghosted.
Reflecting on his behavior, a 22-year-old participant said, “I don’t think there’s a good reason to ever ghost someone… I mean, at least you’re robbing them of closure if you’re not robbing them of anything else.” . ‘