Don’t be a stranger! Rekindling old friendships can be as scary as making new ones, study finds
- The majority of people are hesitant to rekindle past friendships
- They fear it would be ‘too difficult’ or their attempts would be rejected
Most of us have an old friend that we have somehow lost touch with over the years.
But according to new research, reaching out to an old friend is just as scary as starting a new friendship with a stranger.
Experts have found that the majority of people are hesitant to rekindle past friendships because they fear it would be “too awkward” or that their efforts would be rejected.
But they said rekindling pre-existing relationships could be an important source of happiness – especially at a time when more and more people are feeling disconnected.
The team, from the University of Sussex and Simon Fraser University in Canada, conducted seven different studies involving almost 2,500 participants.
Experts have found that the majority of people are hesitant to rekindle past friendships for fear that it would be ‘too awkward’ or that their efforts would be rejected (stock image)
They explored people’s attitudes towards reconnecting with broken friendships, the barriers and reasons for doing so, and whether targeted interventions could encourage people to send a message to an old friend.
Analysis found that 90 percent of people had lost contact with someone they still care about, yet 70 percent said they felt neutral or even negative about the idea of reaching out – even if they still had a had warm feelings about the friendship.
One study found that even when participants wanted to reconnect, thought the friend would appreciate it, had their contact information, and were given time to compose and send a message, only about a third actually sent it .
Overall, they found that people were as reluctant to contact an old friend as they were to strike up a conversation with a stranger or even pick up trash.
Among the most commonly reported barriers were fears that an old friend might not want to hear from them, that it would be “too awkward after all this time,” and feelings of guilt.
Dr. Gillian Sandstrom, senior lecturer in the psychology of kindness at the University of Sussex, said: ‘We live in a time when people are increasingly separated and have fewer close friends than in recent years.
‘And this despite the multitude of modern communication channels available to us.
Rekindling pre-existing relationships could be an important source of happiness – especially at a time when more and more people are feeling disconnected (stock image)
‘Because research showed that it takes more than 200 hours of contact to turn a new acquaintance into a good friend, we wanted to find out if and why people overlooked another route to meaningful connection: revitalizing already existing close friendships.’
As part of the study, the researchers also tested targeted interventions – and found that when people practiced socializing with current friends, they were likely to feel more confident about reaching out to an old friend.
Professor Lara Aknin from Simon Fraser University said: ‘We know from decades of research that social relationships are an important source of happiness and meaning in our lives.
‘We hope these findings will encourage other people to send that first message to someone they miss in their lives.’
The findings have been published in the journal Nature Communications Psychology.