Australian mother speaks out about grief after her first baby was stillborn
When Lilly Castor found out she was pregnant, she envisioned a future full of family adventures and schoolyard stories.
When her son Vincent was stillborn in November 2022, her grief was only heightened by those lost dreams.
“Perinatal loss feels so lonely because there is no lifetime of memories to celebrate with family, friends and community,” said Castor, who is a midwife in New South Wales.
‘Often you grieve the loss of a baby that many people have never met.
“You feel like no one knows about it, or that it’s hidden.”
A new online program called Living With Loss aims to help parents who have lost a loved one cope with this intense grief, no matter where they live in Australia.
This digital tool consists of six modules that help families better understand their emotions, develop coping strategies and have difficult conversations after the loss of a baby.
The program, developed by Mater Research’s Centre of Research Excellence in Stillbirth and the University of Queensland, also addresses common barriers to bereavement.
Lilly Castor received support from an online program after her first child Vincent was stillborn in 2022
Researcher Siobhan Loughnan says families in regional Australia can face many barriers to seeking support, such as limited services, long travel and long waiting lists.
“There is also often talk about stigma and feeling like their grief is not recognised or is invalidated because their baby died during pregnancy,” Dr Loughnan told AAP.
‘That’s why we thought about a digital program that could be available at any time of the day and at any point in the parent’s grieving process.’
The emergence of additional perinatal loss services follows the Birth Trauma Inquiry in NSW, which involved thousands of parents and experts.
The study’s final report recommended expanding mental health services for families who have experienced birth trauma, such as miscarriage or stillbirth.
“We are working to bring stillbirth and miscarriage out of the shadows, an individual experience that no one talks about,” said Dr. Loughnan.
“There is much more attention being paid to the real impact of loss and how it has lasting, long-lasting effects on parents and communities.”
Mrs Castor, who had daughter Trixie with her husband Tim ten months ago, found solace in the Living with Loss programme and in friendships with other parents who have lost a child.
The 32-year-old is passionate about improving healthcare in the region and wants to speak out against stillbirth, a problem that affects more than 2,000 Australian families every year.
“It’s about slowly changing the culture and giving families the confidence to talk about their children,” she said.
‘I still feel as present and connected to Vincent as the day he was born and I held him.
‘He’s still a baby to me, but he’s two years old and he travels with our family.’