Step aside, Joe. I can tell you EXACTLY who the next Dem candidate will really be… you’ll laugh and cry as you read KENNEDY’s hilariously brutal takedown of the warring rivals from the White House

Honest question: does every Democrat in America do that? Real Do you want Joe Biden to run for president in 2024?

Put your hand down, Jill.

America threw a cold bucket of reality in the left’s face this weekend with a new poll showing Donald Trump beating Biden in five of the six key battleground states, a year before the election.

Even Barack Obama’s top Boy Scout David Axelrod, who masterminded Barry’s historic rise to the presidency, suggested on Sunday that Biden has not yet resigned because he is a narcissist.

“If Biden continues to run, he will become the Democratic Party’s nominee,” Axelrod grumbled on Twitter. ‘What he has to decide is whether that is wise; Whether it is in HIS interest or in that of the country?’

There it is: the creeping fear in the party has exploded into a full-blown panic attack.

Save the Prozac!

The Democrats are in serious trouble. Joe bites more while bouncing up the steps of Air Force One than his dogs bite Secret Service agents, and voters think he’s screwing up the economy, immigration and foreign policy.

The race is shaping up to be a nightmarish rematch of 2020, with a pair of old plums fighting to the death in Cocoon’s ultimate sequel.

Biden is stupid. He’s toast. Trump could very well win.

So what now?

Republican Senator Ted Cruz is pushing a troubling collection of conspiracy theories that are simply too tasty to dismiss.

“Axelrod is Obama’s right-hand man,” he said on Monday. “I have long believed that Barack Obama is the person pulling the strings…”

Fascinating. Barry as the puppeteer who effects Joe’s removal. But why? Tell us Ted!

“I predicted that there was a very real chance that Democrats would jettison Joe Biden and parachute in Michelle Obama, and that they would do it at the convention next summer,” Cruz continued. “I think the likelihood of that is increasing every day.”

Michelle, oh?!

Yes, Ted’s unruly salt-and-pepper beard makes him look like a deranged Civil War reenactor. Yeah, he clearly has no affection for the Dems… but let’s play this one out.

Drooling Joe shuffles onto the stage at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago in August.

The crowd, decked out in red, white and blue, is visibly disturbed, vaguely wondering whether to cheer or sob when Michelle Obama suddenly emerges from behind the curtain.

The Union is saved. The delegates give her their vote.

After all, they say: Michelle can Beat Trump. Idiot liberals will not be forced to break their vow to move to Canada. Joe is chased off stage and he spends his happy days on a puppy farm.

Don’t tell me every Democrat in America isn’t salivating over this.

Who else would they tap to take over the reins?

Vice President Kamala Harris is as popular as a screeching influencer on a crowded plane. And the identity politics idiots in the leftist base are unwilling to be a cis – sigh! – White man.

“They can’t get Gavin Newsom involved over an African-American woman without their party going crazy,” Union General Cruz said. “Michelle Obama is the only person who can come along and do that without breaking the party.”

Preach, Ted.

Of course, there’s Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer. She checks some boxes. But it seems a bit unfashionable to keep kids out of school and put dying COVID patients in nursing homes.

Then there’s Bill Maher lookalike, Minnesota Congressman Dean Phillips, who has the name recognition of a Mexican suppository brand. He’s a non-starter.

Frankly, the former first lady would be a phenomenal choice.

I’m biased because she and I have a lot in common. We are both mothers of two lovely daughters. We both have beautifully toned arms and are known for being very, very stylish. And to give credit where credit is due, she’s kind, smart, and knows where the secret snack bar is in the White House.

There may be some depressing policy drawbacks to her presidency, but her appointment would also be the sickest burn for the most despicable political villains of modern times.

Hillary Clinton would implode in a fit of apoplectic jealousy if sexy Michelle beat her to become America’s first commander.

Harris would choke on her own horrible nervous cackle after being bumped out of the way.

Most satisfying of all, the ascension of St. Michael would solve the bogus excuse that Kamala’s critics are racist misogynists.

Mrs. ‘High Road’ would probably enjoy the beatings she could give these outrageous buffoons. And speaking of high, the other roadkill that would rot in Michelle’s rearview mirror is the leader of the Choom Gang, Number 44 himself: President Obama.

The First Gentleman secretly smoked in the Rose Garden and pretended to be a proud feminist. But actually, he would be ridiculously miserable if he played second fiddle.

And it sure would be nice to see Sasha and Malia again and not have to worry about First Kids Colombian powder sneaking into the White House.

I’m aware this is about as far-fetched as Hunter Biden earning a paycheck, as Michelle has said she would never run, but who knows what juices will flow when democracy calls.

The only real challenge is getting Michelle off Steven Spielberg’s yacht.

Here’s the sale: The Obamas are worth thirty times what they were before Barack was elected president. By that calculation, Michelle will be worth billions by the time she leaves the White House in 2029.

So do it for the money, Michelle.

Everyone else does.