Starlight Express
Troubadour, Wembley Park, London
Stand well back and hold on tight. This dazzling, deafening revival of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s roller-skating train racing musical is an audiovisual blitzkrieg unlike anything I’ve seen before.
This show was first performed at the Apollo Theater in London in 1984 and is possibly the most exhausting show I have ever seen.
And yet you can’t help but compliment the ingenuity Tim Hatley has put into his design, which combines a velodrome and a skate park in this prefabricated industrial unit a stone’s throw from Wembley Stadium.
And as for synchronising the speedy roller skating with the singing, the dancing – and a live band – while we, the audience, are crouched in our island whores, the chances of it all going wrong are extremely high.
Stand well back and hold on tight. This dazzling, deafening revival of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s train-race-musical-on-roller-skates is an audiovisual blitzkrieg, the likes of which I’ve never seen before
This new show, first performed at the Apollo Theater in London in 1984, could well be the most exhausting show I have ever seen.
The original cast on stage 40 years ago
It could so easily fall off the rails into a theatrical train wreck. But like a big bear at the fair, that’s all part of the fun.
Moreover, the costumes are works of such glam rock excess – including spontaneously inflating angel wings – that it sometimes borders on a drag queen parade. The only problem is that the entire titanic creation balances on a weak, saccharine love story between an outdated young steam train, Rusty, and a beautifully upholstered carriage, Pearl.
Yes, the plot is such a mass of kitsch, clichés and pastiches that it is impossible to take it seriously.
But who cares? Imagine instead being stuck in a giant Scalextric number, around which the cast, dressed as a futuristic cavalcade, whizz past: singing, crisscrossing at high speed, but never quite crashing. Above, projections of interstellar railway lines weave a galactic spaghetti junction, and luminous planets descend like giant space hoppers.
And did I mention the lasers? Or the roll-on oil barrels that spit tongues of fire? Or that the entire show is framed as a little boy’s dream?
If it weren’t for the pounding wall of sound, you’d almost forget that Luke Sheppard’s production is a musical and not just a visit to a hyperactive planetarium.
But musically it is, and if the plot feels like sci-fi trainspotting, then Lloyd Webber’s score is an exercise in spotting melodies, as throughout the two and a half hours (including the intermission) we are assailed by a tsunami of retro pop parodies.
Momma’s Blues, sung by Rusty’s mother (Jade Marvin), mutates into a sort of Diana Ross song.
Starlight Sequence, a thunderous duet in which Rusty (Jeevan Braich) addresses Big Momma with a singing voice that is a cross between Luther Vandross and Smokey Robinson.
Kayna Montecillo, as Pearl, is a petite Ariana Grande, adorably trying to win Rusty’s heart in Whistle At Me. Amidst so much poptastic slush, the comedic twist of three carriages left on the plank in UNCOUPLED (think Tammy Wynette’s DIVORCE) is a welcome change.
Then it’s back to racing music and finally a gospel-style hoedown. For a story that’s little more than The Tortoise and the Hare crossed with Thomas the Tank Engine, that’s a lot to take in.
As impressive as it may be, it seems more like a trip to the circus than a visit to the theatre – especially during the school holidays.
Tickets are available at starlightexpress.com.