Spare us the crocodile tears, Gisele! She weeps for the cameras, swipes at Tom Brady’s co-parenting… all to tout a new cookbook! But, MAUREEN CALLAHAN asks, why so shy about the timeline of THAT new love affair?

Gwyneth Paltrow walked to allow Gisele Bündchen to run.

In a solipsistic, vain new interview with ABC News, the woman who was once the world’s highest-paid supermodel, now 43, begs for our admiration as she plays the victim.

Hey, she’s just living her truth, don’t you know that?

Gisele is on a journey, searching for her most authentic self, climbing her metaphorical mountain – that’s the ridiculous title of this soft-focus tongue bath, ‘Climbing the Mountain’ – and exploring her spiritual valleys while sidestepping all questions about her current love affair . may or may not predate her divorce from Tom Brady.

She also has a new cookbook to promote. ‘Nourish’ is the title, sold by a woman who once lived solely on booze, cigarettes, coffee and oxygen.

For anyone who has overcome similar vices, take note: Gisele quit better than you.

“One day,” she tells Roberts, “I stopped smoking, drinking coffee and drinking alcohol,” because her doctor asked, “Do you want to live?”

Sounds hyperbolic. How old could she have been: 30? But Gisele doubles down.

“I live my truth, and I make no apologies for it,” she says. Whatever that means.

It gives Gwyneth vibes, all based on the former actress promoting her own “starvation diet,” IV hookups, “intuitive fasting” and something called “rectal ozone therapy” while publishing cookbooks and wellness.

ABC’s Robin Roberts should be ashamed of himself. Here’s a so-called journalist interrogating Gisele as if she were reporting real news. Things that you and I, the hoi polloi meant to lay our grubby hands on this elegant cookbook (list price $31.50), actually care about.

Roberts: “I hear you’re starting to add some meat into your diet.”

Bundchen: ‘Yes! And that was all part of my journey.”

Solid food as self-realization. Only a glamazonian member of the one percent would have no idea to speak this way.

Here’s a newsflash for Ms. Bündchen: Average American women, especially mothers, are having a hard time.

Their schedules don’t allow for daily trips to the local farmer’s market, if they even live near one. They are lucky if they can afford to fill up the car with gas and pay the electricity bill. To have enough energy to help their children with homework and at the same time keep the house clean.

They don’t live on sprawling 17-acre ranches north of Miami filled with custom-built stables for multiple thoroughbreds, an oak tree that provides respite for daily meditation, or the promise of growing your own food in the backyard.

“I’m a farmer,” says Gisele, dressed in her equestrian cosplay. Certainly.

We open with this resuscitated supermodel strolling to a photo shoot, kissing the air and blathering about encountering herself lasering on a box of cupcakes.

Stylists, the hair and makeup artists, the photographer – all of them ooh And Ah.

“I think we should have this next,” Gisele declares.

The crew is salivating, but Gisele is undeterred. Even the small dog she cradles shows utmost restraint, no barking or whining.

“For dessert,” Gisele instructs. “After lunch you can have this (then).”

It looks like Tom Brady wasn’t the only control freak in that marriage.

And that brings us to the crux of this interview: Gisele dishing out a hint of her personal pain in exchange for this glorified infomercial – the divorce of the golden couple, the quarterback and the supermodel, after leaving their seemingly ultra-perfect family in America have pushed. esophagus for years.

Roberts: “I think the term you used was ‘the death of a dream’?”

Bündchen: ‘Well, if you say…’

She shakes her head and squeezes out a tear.

Who knew this question would come up, right? And certainly not one of the most media-savvy celebrities out there, someone who has been famous since she was 18 years old.

“Sorry guys, I didn’t know that.” Gisele raises a hand and turns her head away from the camera. She just can’t do it, you see – it just can’t be done.

‘Can I have a moment?’

She then breathes her way through it, reenacting the Vanity Fair interview she gave in 2023 in which she evoked “the death of my dream” with a cracking voice, tears threatening to flow and “after several yoga inhalations and exhalations ‘ her resumed. story – her “truth” – just as she does for Roberts.

You know what? If authenticity is the key, let’s get authentic.

Here’s what wasn’t discussed in this ABC News interview, which runs under the ever-esteemed “Nightline” banner:

The messy beginning of Brady and Bündchen’s romance, which clashed with the pregnancy of Brady’s ex, Bridget Moynahan.

Tom and Gisele’s critically acclaimed endorsement of FTX, the fraudulent crypto scheme that sent founder Sam Bankman-Fried to prison.

And what about Gisele’s secret plastic surgery, which was busted when she was caught by a paparazzo disguised from head to toe in a burqa?

Or her then-husband’s trip to Vegas with Ben Affleck, whose nanny was photographed with four of Brady’s Super Bowl rings? (This was apparently the final straw for Affleck’s then-wife Jennifer Garner, who divorced him just three days later.)

Oh, and let’s not forget Gisele’s jujitsu instructor, the one she’s been associated with for years.

She denied any romantic involvement with him for a long time — until February 16, when DailyMail.com featured an exclusive video of Gisele and her instructor kissing.

According to insiders, Brady has since said he “accepts” the relationship started “years ago” – well before their 2022 divorce after 13 years of marriage.

But Bündchen plays dumb to Roberts, just a single mother who doesn’t know if she can “open her heart again.”

“I think right now,” says Gisele, “my priority is my children and creating this beautiful sanctuary.”

Still, Gisele touts Brady’s co-parenting skills, claiming she’s above the small scores, telling Roberts, “You know, there are easier days than others.” I only have control over what I do.”

Just when you might feel sympathy for Brady, he gets the kids involved.

After this interview, a source said he was “afraid” of divorce and repeating the “stress” of raising children with another ex-partner.

“Tom would actually agree that co-parenting hasn’t been easy,” the source said. “A lot of love was lost in their relationship.”

Wow. How about these two give their kids a gift and stop talking about them?

On the other hand, Bündchen never fails to bring up Jack, her stepson, whom she constantly claims as her own. “I raised him,” she tells Roberts.

His mother would differ.

Again, it’s all sadly reminiscent of Gwyneth, who again publicly complained about her two young stepchildren this week.

Stepmotherhood, she told the crowd at an International Women’s Day summit in LA, is “a bitch.”

This is the problem with living in your truth. It leaves no room for anyone else, not even innocent children.

“Ultimately,” Bündchen tells Roberts, “if you’re not honest about who you are, it doesn’t work.”

That’s at least one thing she’s right about. Note to the pseudo-shaman that is Gisele: heal yourself.