Soapwatch with JACI STEPHEN: Wedding heartache for bride Gabby

EMMERDALE

Our expectations of a happy wedding have been dashed once again and now it’s Gabby who is left heartbroken.

It’s all too much for a hungover Nicky (is there ever another kind of man in this town?) when he meets Ally, who proposes to marry him instead. Forget musical chairs; they are musical lips. Complicated, or what?

So what will happen come the big day? Caleb is happy that his plan to destroy Kim seems to be going smoothly, while Gabby tells Nicky she wants him to adopt her son, Thomas.

Then comes the bombshell – well, more like a nuclear strike – when Nicky tells Gabby that he’s gay and can’t go through with the ceremony.

When it comes to relationships, it’s never easy on Emmerdale. This week, when Nicky is about to marry his fiancé Gabby, he meets Ally, who proposes to marry him instead.

Jesus! Is there anyone in this town these days who is not closet gay? I’ve seen more gays in Emmerdale than I’ve ever seen in Soho in London, West Hollywood in Los Angeles and Le Marais in Paris in one (maybe you’d have to live in all three to know what I mean, but you get my drift).

Not surprisingly, Gabby is devastated – not the first village bride to find herself in this position on her wedding day – but will the penny drop when Caleb freaks out and punches his son in the face? (Anyone else who has as much trouble following this family tree as I do? Time for a topiary to prune those branches, I’d say).

Will Caleb reveal who he really is when Kim’s bank accounts are empty? How come I’m struggling to get a tenner from an ATM, and Caleb manages to clear Home Farm’s bills?

Do not buy. The only thing that will ever bring Kim down is if one of her horses overdoses on ketamine. Or when Will finally bores her to death.

In other news, Bear asks Mandy out to lunch, but misinterprets the signals and moves in for a kiss. If Paddy finds out about it, will he admit his feelings for Mandy?

KRONING STREET

Caught, Sarah spills the beans to Adam…

What is it about the sight of a bottle of alcohol that makes Damon so irresistible to Sarah?

The temptation is so easy on him now, you suspect it won’t be long before all he has to say is the words ‘Tesco Finest Pinot’ and she pounces on him.

When he rings the doorbell at the flat on the pretext of seeing Adam, he gets…yes, you guessed it…a bottle of wine and suggests he keep Sarah company.

She admits she can’t stop thinking about him and kisses him, only to be interrupted by Gail, plus Harry in tow with a fever. How did she get in?

Sarah and Damon share a passionate kiss in Coronation Street, but they are soon interrupted by Gail, who has an unwell Harry with her. When Harry catches the pair doing it again, he tells Sarah he hates her

If you are going to have an affair, the first thing you do is definitely lock the door. When the lovers share another passionate kiss, they are unaware that Harry is watching them.

When the boy declares that he hates Sarah, it all becomes too much and Sarah confesses to Adam that she slept with Damon.

I don’t have much hope for marriage, but at least Adam will be able to add divorce lawyer to his long list of all the other cases he handles.

For God’s sake, Adam, don’t make Dee Dee do the paperwork. It is about as useful to the legal profession as a gavel is to a lumberjack.

I suspect that Sarah will soon find out that she is pregnant. That will keep her off the bottle for at least nine months. Possible.

OSTENDERS

It’s a thin line between a fresh wind and a stormy wind. Elaine falls into the latter category, with some punters being blown away by her vivacious personality.

Her boyfriend George threatens to uproot everything. Not only is he an ex-boxer, he also has two glamorous daughters who are bound to break hearts fast.

But is George all he seems? When Linda realizes he has no money to maintain the Vic, she throws him and the girls out. She’s all heart, the one.

But George has a ruse up his sleeve and proposes to Elaine in front of the whole pub. Of course he does. He quickly learned that any honest drama means nothing unless it has an audience.

Linda is convinced that George is a gold digger and begs Elaine to end the relationship. I would beg her to put a decent haircut much higher on the priority list.

Money also causes problems in Keanu and Sharon’s relationship when she buys him The Arches. Real? Couldn’t you have settled for a nice shirt? He could use one.

Despite his reluctance for Sharon to support him, she encourages Keanu to jump at the chance.

There’s more trouble in paradise when Sharon hires Reiss to do the books so Keanu can focus on cars. She knows that The Arches only manages one MOT per year, right?

Why salmon tickles pink

Jaci is impressed with Colin Salmon’s casting as George. Viewers will recognize the actor, 61, from his role as Charles Robinson in three James Bond movies, as well as his roles in hit TV shows Doctor Who and The Musketeers

EastEnders really pulled it out of the bag with the casting of Colin Salmon as George. A familiar face of television and the Bond films, this is a masterstroke from producer Chris Clenshaw.

“I remember when EastEnders started,” says Colin. ‘I lived in Luton after being born in Clapton, East London. Many of our East End people had never seen people like us on television and we were very excited.’ Long may that excitement continue.