The six questions every midlife couple MUST ask themselves this year if they want to stay married: On national ‘divorce day’, read this advice by top therapist Natasha Silverman

Welcome to the first Monday in January, also known as ‘Divorce Day’, when law firms see a spike in inquiries from people who have had enough and have been pushed to the brink by festive disharmony.

And according to ONS figures, 41 percent of couples divorce before their 25th wedding anniversary. If you want to ‘future-proof’ your relationship, these are the six questions you should discuss with your partner, according to relationship therapist Natasha Silverman.

Are we happy with our sex life? Work stress, family conflict, hormonal changes and boredom can create a gap between the sex you dream about and the sex you have – or don’t have.

Experts say that’s not a problem if you’re both on the same page, but warn that the “desire difference” (where one of you wants more or different sex) can destroy a relationship if left unchecked.

Silverman is a relationship and psychosexual therapist with a background in law, so she is uniquely qualified to address the issues that lead to divorce.

Sex is a common topic among her clients. ‘Men say their wives don’t want sex, while women tell me that the pressure to meet their partners’ sexual needs – the nooses, the harassing – takes away sexual desire.

‘The problem is that too many men assume that women are capable of spontaneous desires. For most men, arousal is like a light switch that you can easily turn on. But women need a trigger or a sexual signal. Men need to figure out how to activate this.”

Silverman recommends a two-week ban on sex and experimenting with non-sexual intimacy (for example, through foot massage) three times a week.

‘This gives space to accept or even initiate touch or affection, safe in the knowledge that it will not be perceived as an initiation.

‘Taking sex off the agenda can breathe new life into a stale sex life.’

What do we like about each other?

Silverman says that about 10 percent of her clients seek advice because they’re not sure if they still like their partner.

“Women often worry that they will choose their friends over their husbands,” she says. “But we can become too focused on the negatives of our long-term relationship instead of looking for the positives.”

Sit down with your partner, Silverman advises, and then talk about what you initially liked about each other. Talk about ways you can reconnect with these forgotten aspects of yourself.

‘It’s good to reflect on the things you do better as a couple.

“Of course, you may struggle to find common ground and realize you didn’t exist together until Christmas, but this is a good exercise in figuring it out.”

How do we think about the future?

One of the biggest mistakes couples make in the long term is assuming they agree on the future. Staying together feels like a life sentence when one person feels like traveling while the other is binge-watching Wheeler Dealers.

‘No matter how long you have been together, it is important to regularly ask each other what an ideal future looks like. Then discuss how willing – or not – you both are to share each other’s dreams,” says Silverman.

However, if you discover that your visions of the future are very different, this is not an immediate reason for divorce: ‘The key is to focus on how these dreams make you feel, and then discuss how you can get rid of these emotions together enjoy. If traveling means excitement and discovery, can you satisfy these desires closer to home?

“You have to find the glue that will keep you having fun together for many years to come.”

What small change would we make?

Relationships thrive on tolerance and understanding, but over the years, small habits that were once easily shaken off can become irritating.

‘I consider this the miracle question. It cuts through all the emotions that can cause friction,” says Silverman. ‘It forces couples to think about how realistic a change can be and, if that’s not possible, how close can you get?’

Be reasonable and think positively about your request, for example by saying, “I’d like you to turn off your phone notifications while we’re eating.” That’s much better than saying, “Can you ditch your cycling friends so we can go shopping together on Saturday?”

What is the hardest thing for us to talk about?

Although difficult at first, conversations about difficult issues—from aging parents to money—are a highly effective way to ease potentially long-standing resentments.

“Tackling a thorny issue can be powerful,” says Silverman. “It forces important discussions that can help clear the air, provide mutual reassurance, and set you on a new path of better communication.”

Do we need a relationship MoT?

“I have a vested interest, but I wish more would be done about couples therapy,” Silverman says. “Midlifers should be like Gen Z when it comes to counseling because it can improve communication and build healthy relationship habits.”

Silverman recommends broaching the subject gently: “Use words like ‘we’ and ‘us’ and ‘I feel.’

‘Try: ‘I’ve been thinking, something needs to change and I really want to work on this with you.’

“It is important to present this as a joint effort, and not as an attack. Never even think about taking your partner to get fixed.” If it is your partner who proposes to get support, do not refuse as this may cause him/her to give up the last hope.

“This rejection could lead to them irreversibly ending the relationship.”

• natashasilverman.com @natasha.silverman.therapy