At 53, I’d been celibate for a decade and thought I’d never have sex again. Then a friend let me in on a secret all the posh mums are talking about…

Being a single woman at 53 was never something I planned.

For twenty years I had only slept with one man, but our long relationship ended when I was 43. We had become friends instead of lovers and our lives were going in different directions, so we parted ways.

We were never married or had any children; I wasn’t interested in either and chose to put my career in marketing first.

When we broke up, I didn’t jump back into the dating scene like my ex-partner did. In fact, I’ve avoided it altogether. The thought of starting all over again terrified me and I had heard horror stories about online dating.

What started as a desire to remain single eventually turned into ten years of celibacy.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I was part of the “voluntary celibacy” movement. It’s different from involuntary celibates: men who crave sex but can’t get it, so they resort to expressing hatred. Instead, it refers to women who choose to abstain from sex to heal trauma, reduce stress, and escape the toxicity of modern dating.

I was a happy “volcel” (again, it was a term I didn’t know until recently) until about two months ago, when a good friend made a suggestion that changed my mind.

“Why don’t you hire a male escort?”

Before I start that conversation, I would first like to paint a picture of my sex life at the age of 53.

When I became single at 40, there was no fire in me. Sex was the last thing on my mind now that perimenopause is right around the corner. My libido decreased so quickly that I felt like I I could easily never have sex with a man again for the rest of my life.

But things changed for me, as they did for so many of us, during the Covid lockdown. As I approached fifty, my libido returned completely.

When menopause was in the rearview mirror, I became a horny teenager again. Maybe it was the freedom of not having children, or the lack of relationship stress, but suddenly I felt something I hadn’t experienced since my early twenties.

Suddenly I wanted sex without strings attached. I wanted a judgment-free zone, I wanted safety, I wanted comfort, I wanted to be adored and satisfied.

But I still didn’t want to join dating apps or go on blind dates. I didn’t want to get involved with a stranger. I didn’t want to have to kiss dozens of frogs before I found my prince on the silver screen between the sheets.

That’s why, after a few years of frustration, I was blown away by my friend’s suggestion. She said it was all the rage in her social circle. Apparently it’s easier for busy single mothers to pay for a professional once a month than to try to find a boyfriend among the 40-somethings on dating apps.

I laughed it off at first, but inside I was intrigued.

So it was, on November 3rd, I googled ‘male escorts for women in their 50s’. One of the first results was Her Confidant, a luxury escort agency exclusively for women and couples.

The profiles of the men fascinated me. Reading their biographies, which highlighted their passions and interests as well as their eye-popping physical attributes, was more than a little appealing. I decided to give it a try.

I sent an email and Anna Grosman, the agency’s founder, responded almost immediately. She asked what I was looking for, and I explained that I hadn’t had a man in ten years.

I explained that I was the loud, bubbly person in my friendship group, but when it came to sex, I was, shall we say, pretty out of practice.

Anna said she had the perfect man for me: Andre.

I looked through his profile, which described how he enjoyed gardening and ocean swimming. His face was blurry, so I wasn’t sure what he looked like, but he had curly hair and was 6 feet tall.

Anna said he was very empathetic and mature and had a lot of experience with women of the same age. I would soon discover that she was 100 percent right.

She suggested the ‘dinner package’, but I wasn’t interested in a personal introduction or a fake date. I wanted to get started, so I booked him for two hours, which cost $1900, and scheduled our appointment for a week.

I chose my favorite outfit and opted for pants instead of a dress. When I looked in the mirror, I never thought I would be the type of person who would hire an escort. But there I was, about to meet one in a hotel bar.

I was nervously waiting for Andre to arrive. I ordered some bread to nibble on. Then I saw him come in. He was handsome in a suit and his curly hair bounced slightly as he entered, exuding confidence.

A thousand thoughts went through my head, all of which came to a halt when he said “hello.” He kissed me on the cheek before sitting next to me.

He smells so good. Do I have lipstick on my teeth? Don’t say anything stupid.

We laughed and had a wonderful 30 minute conversation over a mocktail. I chose not to drink because I wanted to be fully present.

It didn’t take long for me to feel comfortable in his presence. I quickly understood that this was his job: to make women feel good. And he really did.

We went upstairs to the hotel room. He stroked my hair and then kissed me. I’ll spare you the dirty details, but it was some of the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.

Sure, it was a little awkward at first when we communicated about safe sex, what I liked and didn’t like. But when we got there, God, I felt alive again.

I’ll be honest: I was skeptical at first. I didn’t know what to expect, but he was an incredible lover, but also a careful lover who put my needs first.

He was different from my last lover. He was better.

Time passed quickly and slowly at the same time. All my nerves disappeared. After multiple orgasms, we collapsed onto the bed together and spent the rest of our time together cuddling and talking.

We had a deep conversation that I never expected to have with a man again. I opened up about my insecurities: I talked about my decade-long celibacy and he encouraged me to start dating again.

‘Consider it an experiment. If you don’t have a second date, who cares?’ he said.

His advice really changed my perspective. What did I have to lose?

I have hired Andre twice since then. Our time together is always great, but I’m under no illusions about us: I know he’s offering a service and I’m just a customer.

I worked up the courage to join a dating app and this week went out with a man 15 years younger than me. I would never have done that two months ago. I am not exaggerating when I say that Andre made me feel like a different person. I can’t wait to tell him about my date.

It wasn’t cheap, but it was worth every penny.

• As told to Carina Stathis