cTo face his ultimate fear – expressing his emotions on camera – Scottish documentary filmmaker Duncan Cowles occasionally adopts a furtive, wary expression. So he deserves credit not only for confronting his own inhibitions in his debut film, but also for bringing up the vast, increasingly discussed, but still maddeningly vague topic of men’s mental health – and on an ingeniously light-hearted way.
With his rather, somewhat chamacallit, you know, circular narration, and tendency to zoom out while taking pretty pictures of bumblebees, Cowles plays on the fact that he’d rather talk about anything than this. But panicked by his own inability to tell his parents he loves them, he informs his family and friends about their emotional state. His father believes Cowles’ silence is due to the general silence surrounding his own father’s alcoholism. One friend has a tactic to release repressed feelings: he allows himself crying sessions to exactly two Martha Wainwright songs.
While Cowles keeps everything in check, the advantage is that his natural reserve allows others to fill the space and let their stories speak; Most troubling is that of John, whose refusal to share his cancer diagnosis with his loved ones ultimately nearly destroyed his life. A recurring theme is the need for fathers to be strong for their children, which results in this damaging stoicism being passed on; Cowles’ tearful boyfriend ends Wainwright sessions once he has a son.
Cowles wants to break the mold and makes his clumsy attempts to openly express his love for his parents the highlight of the film. His father’s brusque inscrutability undermines this – but also usefully illustrates how deeply ingrained male prejudices about openness are. Broadening the research circle could have led to fruitful insights here; Is male restraint universal, or primarily endemic to Cowles’ Northern European culture? But while the director opts for personal therapy, he settles for a smaller but equally important truth: change can be a matter of silent conviction and shifts in perspective.