Signs and red flags you’re dating one of the ‘scariest’ types of people

A leading relationship expert has revealed the subtle signs you’re dating a “silent abuser” and why they’re the most dangerous type of partner.

Louanne Ward said the work of these master manipulators, known as covert narcissists, can be so subtle that it takes victims years to realize that damage is being done.

By the time they realize what’s going on, their toxic partner has often already done massive amounts of damage to their physical, social, and mental health.

“They are often able to hide their real character until you are completely trapped. They do everything they can to break through your defenses and gain your trust,” Louanne told FEMAIL.

She added that most covert narcissists also struggle with other mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety and low self-esteem.

Louanne Ward has revealed the dangerous difference between overt narcissists and covered narcissists and warns that ‘silent abusers’ can be the most dangerous partners

“Because these are well hidden, identifying hidden narcissism can be extremely challenging,” she said.

But it’s not impossible that there are some “obvious warning signs” that can help you determine if your partner, or potential partner, is a covert narcissist.

Louanne says covert narcissists, who can be either men or women, often shower their partners with unexpected gifts.

“For most people, this is a giant green sign; nevertheless, for a covert narcissist, it is a Trojan horse. When you get swept up in a tornado of presents and grandiose love gestures, they increasingly praise their influence over you,” she warned.

Male ‘secret narcissists’

Use their charm to lure people in

More likely to be obsessed with power and or money

Have a higher sense of entitlement and grandeur

They are more likely to be serial adulterers or betray their loved ones

Can’t take criticism

Use love bombing to manipulate their partners

Envy comes in the form of power and control

Female ‘secret narcissists’

Too vain

Envy comes in the form of beauty and social status

Sensitive and overreactive

Insecure and needy

Needs constant attention and validation – sometimes this can manifest as being addicted to social media

Use their sex appeal, bodies and looks to lure people in

Never being able to admit they are wrong

Male and female covert narcissists may look slightly different

Male and female covert narcissists may look slightly different

Ignoring comments and backhanded compliments are also commonly used by these silent abusers.

They are experts at cryptic insults because they are adept liars and are in constant fear of being exposed. In fact, those who have relationships with covert narcissists spend days analyzing their partner’s dual intentions and covert insults,” she said.

“Playing innocent” is also a huge red flag.

Louanne said they will “forget” important events or deliberately sabotage them by being late before acting like they have amnesia or hearing about it for the first time.

Survey

Have you ever dated a covert narcissist?

  • Yes 0 votes
  • No, I’ve never dated a narcissist 0 votes
  • No, but I dated an overt narcissist 0 votes
  • I am a narcissist 0 votes

These silent abusers also lie a lot, lure their victims to gain control, and like to use toxic tools such as stonewalling, the silent treatment, and ghosting.

They also like to use gaslighting to derail their victims.

“This is done by discrediting you and turning people against you, denying facts, accusing you of imagining things, downplaying your emotions,” explains Louanne.

They also “avoid real intimacy.”

“Despite all the compliments, sexual innuendo, and constant romantic gestures, they disappear when it gets personal,” she warned.

“The problem is that they try really hard to make you believe they find you attractive, while hiding enough of themselves that you never really get to know them. Over time, this erodes your self-esteem and self-confidence.”

How to deal with covert narcissists

While it can be challenging, Louanne says you can take steps to protect your mental health when dealing with a covert narcissist.

The following may be helpful

1 – Set Clear Boundaries: The first step in dealing with a covert narcissist is to set clear boundaries.

This means defining what is and what is not acceptable behavior.

Keep your communication with them clear and concise and don’t let them cross your boundaries.

2 – Remain calm and confident: Since covert narcissists thrive on emotional reactions, it is critical to remain calm and confident when dealing with them.

Don’t let them get on your nerves or get emotionally involved in their games.

3 – Stay out of their drama: Covert narcissists will try to involve you in their problems and make you feel guilty or responsible for them.

Don’t waste time worrying about them, focus on what you want to achieve in life.

4- Don’t feed their ego: Since covert narcissists crave attention and admiration, it is critical to avoid feeding their ego.

Don’t shower them with compliments or validate their false sense of superiority.

5 – Seek Help: Dealing with a covert narcissist can be emotionally draining, so seek help from friends, family, or a therapist.

They can provide you with emotional support and help you maintain your mental health.

They will also refuse to listen to their victims, so if you find yourself repeating yourself or seeking your partner’s attention often, that’s a giant red flag. ‘

“If they listen, it’s usually to gather information that they’ll use against you later. For example, they might use something you said months ago to rebut you or make you question your own judgment,” Louanne said.

She recently spoke of “regular” narcissists, but insists their undercover counterparts are in a league of their own.

“Because covert narcissists tend to hide their symptoms, we will never fully understand their prevalence,” she said.

Louanne revealed that she would rather be in a relationship with an overt narcissist than a covert one

Louanne revealed that she would rather be in a relationship with an overt narcissist than a covert one

She noted that some of the red flags are similar between overt narcissists and covert narcissists, but said other personality traits can help victims uncover the truth.

Covert narcissists often use fake empathy to get their victims to trust them, only to use it against them later.

They also use envy and jealousy as a means and believe that others consider them superior.

Covert narcissists also portray themselves as “shy but friendly.”

“They are often socially withdrawn and sometimes avoid social situations for fear of not being the center of attention. i

“They appear happy outwardly, but have a dark side that can manifest in fits of rage if challenged.”

They also “overcompensate” with gifts, vacations, and other forms of love bombing to win you over.

Why You Should Take The Time To Understand A Covert Narcissist:

They may be hard to spot, but if left unchecked, they can wreak havoc on relationships and cause untold amounts of emotional distress.

Here are the four most compelling reasons to know about the less-discussed covert narcissist:

1 – Self-Preservation: You can become a victim of emotional and mental abuse at the hands of a covert narcissist without even realizing it.

Alternatively, once identified, you can better protect yourself and make informed decisions about the relationship.

2 – To avoid being manipulated: Covert narcissists are known for their ability to trick people without drawing attention to themselves.

By learning how to predict and adapt to their actions, you can protect your energy and protect yourself from harm.

3 – Helping Others: Sometimes we are unable to help others because we are ill equipped to recognize hidden narcissistic behavior in their partners.

However, once you know the traits, behaviors, and certain patterns that are often exhibited by covert narcissists, you may be able to help a friend or family member who is struggling to cope.

Most of whom can feel isolated and confused and sometimes in devastating emotional distress.

4) Improving Relationships: While it can be challenging, understanding the true traits of a hidden narcissist can help you recognize your own subtle narcissistic tendencies.

All people have a level of narcissism, even you! But with a deeper understanding, it can make you aware of the importance of empathy, self-reflection, and the value of boundaries.

All this means that the more knowledge you have in this area of ​​human behavior, the more you can work towards building relationships that are both healthier and more rewarding.

They fish for compliments and have an underlying fear of falling short.

And finally, criticism is their kryptonite.

“They can’t handle criticism, no matter how well they hide it. Despite their masks, deep down they harbor feelings of anger and humiliation, which often lead to an outburst later on.

Louanne revealed that she would rather be in a relationship with an overt narcissist than a covert one.

“They can turn your friends and family against you by telling them you’re the one with the problem,” she said.