Signs and red flags you’re dating one of the ‘scariest’ types of people

A leading relationship expert has revealed the subtle signs you’re dating a “silent abuser” and why they’re the most dangerous type of partner.

Louanne Ward said the work of these master manipulators, known as covert narcissists, can be so subtle that it takes victims years to realize that damage is being done.

By the time they realize what’s going on, their toxic partner has often already done massive amounts of damage to their physical, social, and mental health.

“They are often able to hide their real character until you are completely trapped. They do everything they can to break through your defenses and gain your trust,” Louanne told FEMAIL.

She added that most covert narcissists also struggle with other mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety and low self-esteem.

“Because these are well hidden, identifying hidden narcissism can be extremely challenging,” she said.

But it’s not impossible that there are some “obvious warning signs” that can help you determine if your partner, or potential partner, is a covert narcissist.

Louanne says covert narcissists, who can be either men or women, often shower their partners with unexpected gifts.

“For most people, this is a giant green sign; nevertheless, for a covert narcissist, it is a Trojan horse. When you get swept up in a tornado of presents and grandiose love gestures, they increasingly praise their influence over you,” she warned.

Ignoring comments and backhanded compliments are also commonly used by these silent abusers.

They are experts at cryptic insults because they are adept liars and are in constant fear of being exposed. In fact, those who have relationships with covert narcissists spend days analyzing their partner’s dual intentions and covert insults,” she said.

“Playing innocent” is also a huge red flag.

Louanne said they will “forget” important events or deliberately sabotage them by being late before acting like they have amnesia or hearing about it for the first time.

These silent abusers also lie a lot, lure their victims to gain control, and like to use toxic tools such as stonewalling, the silent treatment, and ghosting.

They also like to use gaslighting to derail their victims.

“This is done by discrediting you and turning people against you, denying facts, accusing you of imagining things, downplaying your emotions,” explains Louanne.

They also “avoid real intimacy.”

“Despite all the compliments, sexual innuendo, and constant romantic gestures, they disappear when it gets personal,” she warned.

“The problem is that they try really hard to make you believe they find you attractive, while hiding enough of themselves that you never really get to know them. Over time, this erodes your self-esteem and self-confidence.”

They will also refuse to listen to their victims, so if you find yourself repeating yourself or seeking your partner’s attention often, that’s a giant red flag. ‘

“If they listen, it’s usually to gather information that they’ll use against you later. For example, they might use something you said months ago to rebut you or make you question your own judgment,” Louanne said.

She recently spoke of “regular” narcissists, but insists their undercover counterparts are in a league of their own.

“Because covert narcissists tend to hide their symptoms, we will never fully understand their prevalence,” she said.

She noted that some of the red flags are similar between overt narcissists and covert narcissists, but said other personality traits can help victims uncover the truth.

Covert narcissists often use fake empathy to get their victims to trust them, only to use it against them later.

They also use envy and jealousy as a means and believe that others consider them superior.

Covert narcissists also portray themselves as “shy but friendly.”

“They are often socially withdrawn and sometimes avoid social situations for fear of not being the center of attention. i

“They appear happy outwardly, but have a dark side that can manifest in fits of rage if challenged.”

They also “overcompensate” with gifts, vacations, and other forms of love bombing to win you over.

They fish for compliments and have an underlying fear of falling short.

And finally, criticism is their kryptonite.

“They can’t handle criticism, no matter how well they hide it. Despite their masks, deep down they harbor feelings of anger and humiliation, which often lead to an outburst later on.

Louanne revealed that she would rather be in a relationship with an overt narcissist than a covert one.

“They can turn your friends and family against you by telling them you’re the one with the problem,” she said.