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Maya Jama and Stormzy rocked the world last Sunday when they confirmed their relationship was back on track after four years of separation.
The couple were spotted holding hands as they ventured to the Greek island of Hydra – their first public appearance together since their divorce in 2019.
But the sight of two lovebirds has raised an age-old question: should you ever go back to your ex?
While rekindling romance has worked for the likes of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, others, like Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, show that it’s not always a success.
So, what does it take to rekindle love after heartbreak? MailOnline spoke to a psychologist to find out.
Stormzy and Maya Jama were spotted holding hands on the Greek island of Hydra
What should you pay attention to before returning to an ex-partner?
Stormzy and Maya called it quits in 2019 amid rumors that the rapper had cheated on her with singer Jorja Smith.
While Stormzy has always denied infidelity, Maya claimed he learned some hard lessons about his “disrespectful” behavior.
Without knowing the ins and outs, it’s hard to make a full judgment on the couple’s rekindled relationship.
But overall, psychologist Dr. Louise Goddard-Crawley claims there are a few things to consider before getting back with an ex-partner.
“There is a general way to think about whether you would ever get back with an ex by considering things like our attachment styles and dynamics, the way we communicate and handle conflict, our motivations for reuniting , personal growth, outside influences, long-term relationships. term goals, trust in the relationship, the ability to forgive, resilience, coping mechanisms and how we prioritize self-care,” she said.
“An examination of these patterns on both sides of the relationship could shed light on the psychological aspects of whether a decision to get back together is a healthy one.”
Dr. Crawley claims there are four attachment styles to be aware of, including the “secure,” “anxious,” “avoidant,” and “anxious avoidant” types.
“Secure” attachment is the ultimate goal of every couple and refers to the ability to form loving relationships bound by trust, acceptance, and intimacy.
Maya Jama and Stormzy rocked the world on Sunday after they confirmed their relationship was back after four years
The couple dated for four years before splitting in 2019, with the rapper publicly stating that he “never loved anyone the way I loved her”
But the three others are chock-full of problems, with “anxious” attachment linked to separation anxiety, “avoidance” linked to intimacy issues, and “anxious avoidant” a combination of the two.
While no one is perfect, Dr. Crawley that realizing our own Achilles’ heel can provide a useful, fresh perspective when planning to mend past relationships.
“Our attachment styles play an important role in shaping how individuals behave and interact within romantic relationships,” continued Dr Crawley.
“These styles are rooted in early life experiences with caregivers and influence emotional intimacy, communication, conflict resolution, and overall relationship dynamics. If we only do one piece of work around ourselves and our relationships; This is him.’
Are you breaking up for the same reason as before?
After their split in 2019, Stormzy issued a grand apology to Maya in his hit “Lessons.”
In heartfelt lyrics, the rapper says, “I knew a woman more beautiful than Disney’s. I lost my heart. I was just wondering if you could give me one?’
He later adds, “My cousin still asks about his Aunt Maya. I think this is karma for what I did to Maya.”
After their 2019 split, Stormzy issued a massive apology to Maya in his hit song ‘Lessons’
Dr. Crawley argues that this kind of self-awareness is key to avoiding a repeat history with ex-partners.
While this includes an awareness of your attachment style and Achilles heel, couples can go much further by thinking about their personal boundaries.
“A mutually congruent understanding of the motivation to get back together is critical,” said Dr Crawley.
“Is the driver a genuine desire to work on the relationship and grow together, or are outside factors influencing a decision?
“We also get to reflect on what the individuals have been working on since the break.
“Personal growth as a single entity can tremendously positively impact a relationship by increasing awareness, relational triggers, and emotional maturity.”
Do you love your ex-partner or are you just lonely?
Differentiating between love and loneliness can be tricky.
But writing down your personal values and what you hope for in a partner can help you understand whether a relationship is right for you.
‘Loneliness can often evoke strong emotions, making it challenging to think rationally about potential mates,’ Dr Crawley said.
“A genuine desire to be with someone tends to be more consistent and stable, rather than based solely on fluctuating emotional states.”
“On a personal level, I was thrilled to see the reconciliation between Maya Jama and Stormzy,” Dr Crawley summarized.
Dr. Crawley explains that loneliness can often lead people to seek outside validation and relief from emotional discomfort, which isn’t the right way to restart a relationship.
“We see that loneliness can lead to idealizing potential mates and imagining relationships that may not be in line with reality,” she added.
“A genuine desire to be with someone often comes from a place of emotional maturity and the ability to contribute positively to a relationship.”
So, should you get back with your ex?
Despite attempts at self-reflection, returning to an ex-partner remains a difficult decision.
Dr. Crawley believes that your ultimate answer should really depend on it personal circumstances and growth.
“On a personal level, I was very happy to see the reconciliation between Maya Jama and Stormzy,” Dr Crawley summarized.
“I love how they reflect the complex nature of human relationships and our potential for personal growth and change.
“We break up in relationships for a variety of reasons, and choosing to reunite may indicate a willingness to address our underlying issues and work toward mutual understanding and resolution.
Psychologically, reunion can indicate a desire for emotional connection and the importance of shared history and positive memories.
“It could also reflect the power of forgiveness and the ability of us to evolve, mature and learn from past mistakes.”