Let’s be honest. There was only one circus in town last night. And none of us can be proud of the person we most wanted to buy tickets for.
Like millions of Americans, I tuned into the Fox News debate, desperately hoping to find redemption from the dire inevitability of a Trump versus Biden replay.
Like those millions, I listened and watched and tried to guess who spoke most convincingly for me and my country – then guiltily took to Twitter.
The tweets flew fast and furious: Tucker Carlson and Donald Trump mostly talked about the suspicious death of Jeffrey Epstein in a Manhattan prison.
Sure, it was ridiculous, but I was curious. Does Trump Believe Epstein’s Conspiracy Theories?
So I became one of 200 million who watched in horror and hypnotization as former President Trump and conspiracy theorist Chief Tucker Carlson spoke of low tides, revolutions, and assassination threats.
What a contrast to the adults in the Fox News debate, where we waited for one of those eight show a touch of charisma, a compelling presence or control over the facts that so many Republicans so desperately desire.
Because there must be someone who can beat Trump, right?
Like millions of Americans, I tuned into the Fox News debate, desperately hoping to find redemption from the dire inevitability of a Trump versus Biden replay.
The tweets flew fast and furious: Tucker Carlson and Donald Trump mostly talked about the suspicious death of Jeffrey Epstein in a Manhattan prison.
The two strongest candidates were the ones I assumed would be the most forgettable: former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley and former Vice President Mike Pence.
Haley came across as strong, poised, prepared, and one of the few adults, or, as she reminded us, the only woman on stage.
“If you want something said, ask a man,” she quoted Margaret Thatcher. “If you want something done, ask a woman.”
In her most memorable moment, she slammed political rookie Vivek Ramaswamy for his pledge to cut aid to Israel, cut all financial aid to Ukraine and, according to Haley, “let China eat Taiwan.”
They put fingers in each other’s faces and voices were heard. Vivek laughed, but she didn’t.
“You have no foreign policy experience, and it shows,” was her coup de grâce.
Is she the woman who takes down the orange elephant?
Vice President Pence also exceeded expectations, making it clear that he was the most qualified candidate and displaying serious aggressiveness.
Meet the mean Mike.
He pushed through the objections of Fox News moderators Bret Baier and Martha MacCallum, dominating the speaking time and lashing out at Vivek.
As one of the mildest and most polite politicians in modern America, it’s easy to forget he has sharp elbows.
Remember, he ousted Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Kaine in the 2016 debates and Kamala Harris in 2020.
His strongest statements came when he defended his refusal to block the certification of the 2020 election results.
They put fingers in each other’s faces and voices were heard. Vivek laughed, but she didn’t. “You have no foreign policy experience, and it shows,” was her coup de grâce.
One of those eight must display a touch of charisma, a compelling presence, or a mastery of facts that so many Republicans so desperately desire.
Working through the objections of Fox News moderators Bret Baier and Martha MacCallum, Pence dominated the speaking time and lashed out at Vivek.
Pence rightly pointed out that he had no right to deny the voters’ will, just as Harris would have no right to reject the result of the 2024 election.
But for some morbid reason, Pence’s principled stance has turned into a negative for him.
Then there was Ramaswamy – the whiz kid, an internet-age brat or, as Governor Chris Christie called him, a “ChatGPT” candidate.
He is clearly aware of Trump’s “Burn It All Down” approach to American politics by rattling off rehearsed roasts of his fellow Republicans.
At one point, he bizarrely accused every candidate on stage of being “bought and paid for” and therefore incapable of calling the progressive climate change agenda a “hoax.”
It is unclear who exactly is making the purchases, but he was just getting started.
He accused Christie of “campaigning to get an MSNBC contributor gig.” He slammed Republicans who visited Ukrainian Volodymyr Zelensky for “paying tribute to their pope.” And he wished Haley the best of luck “in her future career on the boards of directors of Lockheed and Raytheon.”
I hope he’s having fun because this shit won’t last long. He’s little more than red meat to the Internet meme factory, a placeholder for fringe populists, conspiracy theorists, and hard-core MAGA supporters, who will pull the lever for Trump.
Vivek even called Trump “the best president of the 21st century.” Then why is he running for president?
Perhaps the biggest disappointment of the entire evening was Ron DeSantis.
The author of Florida’s COVID miracle was at the center of the debate, but he was hardly the center of attention.
The governor is sinking in the polls and his revamped campaign is still sputtering. He had to reassure conservatives, desperate for an alternative to Trump, that he is a viable choice, but he barely stood up for himself.
He didn’t bomb completely, but it wasn’t enough.
At one point, the moderators asked candidates to raise their hands if they would support Trump as the Republican Party nominee, even if he was convicted of a felony.
Every candidate on the podium — except Christie and former Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchinson — said so. Vivek shot his hand straight up like an eager schoolboy.
DeSantis, after looking sheepishly left and right, barely raised his paw at the lecture.
It was a bit pathetic.
As for the rest, they were not memorable.
Senator Tim Scott’s “America is great” rhetoric could affect the campaign trail. This was out of place in the context of a debate.
The author of Florida’s COVID miracle was at the center of the debate, but he was hardly the center of attention.
DeSantis, after looking sheepishly left and right, barely raised his paw at the lecture. It was a bit pathetic.
Then there was Ramaswamy – the whiz kid, an internet-age brat or, as Governor Chris Christie called him, a “ChatGPT” candidate.
Hutchinson had nothing to do with the debate at all. Every time he opened his mouth I thought he was going to try and sell me term life insurance.
Good for Doug Burgum from North Dakota, who played injured with a torn Achilles tendon. But there are no participation trophies. So thanks, see you later.
My biggest take-away from Wednesday night? None of these people will beat Trump. And it makes me sick.
Ron and Vivek seem determined to act as Trump-lite, though they haven’t given any Trump fan a reason to ditch the real thing for the impersonation.
Haley, Pence, Scott and Christie are decent, but we all know it takes more than that.
They are dealing with a phenomenon. An insatiable attention grabber, who knows how to push the buttons of the public and who is content with his huge lead in the polls.
As the minutes passed and despondency set in, I needed some rest.
So I grabbed my phone and turned on the Tucker interview.
What is The Don ranting about now?
If the GOP goes up in flames again, I might as well have a laugh.
How absurd it is that the winner of Wednesday’s debate didn’t even take the stage to discuss the policy with the leading figures of the Republican Party.
No, he was talking gibberish on Twitter.