Sexual assault nurse examiner lays bare the horrors of her job – from examining a 35-DAY-OLD abuse victim to having to ‘collect evidence’ from dead bodies – and reveals it’s left her so terrified that she now carries a gun

A sexual assault nurse investigator has exposed the horrors of her work – from examining a 35-day-old abuse victim to ‘collecting evidence’ from dead bodies – and revealed she is so terrified of it that she now carries a gun with her everywhere she goes.

For the past 13 years, Shawn Callahan, of Fort Wayne, Indiana, has provided medical care to victims of sexual assault – and while she has made it her mission to make the experience less frightening for her patients, the consequences of the horrific abuse are evident. the first hand left her severely ‘traumatized’.

During a recent chat with the YouTube channel Soft white underbellyShawn admitted that she has ongoing “trust issues” because of the horrors she has seen and heard at work — and that she even carries a firearm at all times for “protection.”

‘It’s a stressful job. I hear things, see things, I need to gather evidence. It’s hard,” she explained.

‘Vicarious trauma is real. I feel like I’m pretty strong mentally, but there are times when (I) don’t do so well.

‘The deeper you go into it, the harder it becomes, because it’s more baggage every day. Some cases hit you harder than others.

“I can get confused. And it takes days to process. Some (cases) remain with me. There are things I’ve heard that I can never hear again, and things I’ve seen that I’ll never see again.

“Every time I think, ‘I can’t see anything worse,’ I’m sure I’ll be proven wrong.”

When asked what the “worst” scenario she has ever seen is, she said having to investigate someone who died at the hands of their abuser is at the top of the list.

“I have to touch and move the dead bodies, I collect evidence and take photos,” she revealed.

‘I see vaginal injuries, anal injuries, ruptured spleens, bruises from head to toe. I’ve seen the smallest body bags you can imagine, which is very disturbing. All I could think was, what were the last few minutes of that child’s life like?’

And while the cases involving the deceased are the most difficult for Shawn, the living patients are just as difficult – especially if they are young children.

“When parents don’t protect their children, that’s something that’s very hard for me to listen to,” she said.

“When a child says to me, ‘I told my mother and she didn’t believe me two years ago, and this keeps happening,’ I can get emotional.”

‘I’m sorry no one protected them. I’m such a protective mother, you’re supposed to protect your children.

‘Children are so resilient. Those are the ones that influence me the most. I’m not saying that every sexual assault I deal with doesn’t affect me, but that’s a hard blow, the kids. Especially when you know it has been going on for a long time.’

She revealed that the youngest patient she ever treated was 35 days old, while the oldest was 94 years old.

Shawn explained that her job is to “provide the medical forensics for individuals who have been sexually assaulted,” as well as provide “testing and medications for sexually transmitted infections.” But the ‘most important’ part of her work is the way she ‘treats’ the victims.

‘The way I treat people is the most important thing. No one ever comes to us for a good reason,” she said.

“Everyone who walks through the door has experienced something terrible. I know that the way I treat people has an impact and can improve the outcome for them.

‘Being treated with respect and dignity immediately after something like this happens is essential.

‘Forensic nurses are of a different breed and have a great passion for what they do.

‘I treat my patients with so much compassion. They feel comfortable (with me) because I can build brand awareness among people very quickly.”

Shawn explained that she tries to use “humor” to gain her patients’ trust, as well as sarcasm to break the ice.

“I always try to make people laugh while they’re there,” she revealed.

She also always lets the people she works with know that she is ‘really proud’ of them for coming to see her.

She continued, “I let everyone know, ‘You’re very brave. And I’m so glad I’m the nurse who gets to take care of you. And anything you don’t want to do, you don’t do. You don’t have to do that while you’re here. Even if Mom and Dad tell us to do something, you’re the boss.”

“I want them to know that they have control over the situation because they had absolutely no control over what happened to them.”

She also reminds them that it is “not their fault,” adding, “Giving people their dignity and showing people their self-worth is the biggest part of my job.

‘I wish I could change things for people, but I can’t. Especially by the time they get to me, I wish I had a magic wand that could take everything away, but I can’t. But what I can do is treat people well.”

Shawn, who said she got into the profession because she wanted to make a “huge impact,” added that while she struggles with the things she has witnessed, she still finds her work “absolutely fulfilling.”

“It’s rewarding, it’s definitely satisfying, it’s just hard. There are days when I think, “Why am I doing this?” Because I can help people,” she concluded.

“Your worth will never be determined by where you lay your head at night, how much money you have, the atrocities that have happened to you, how many friends you have, or what kind of shoes you wear.

“I believe without a doubt that we are all worthy in God’s sight and that each of us is His masterpiece.”