Sex worker for mature men SAMATHA X reveals why married men cheat

There are two things I know men are very good at. The first is to separate love and sex. And the second lies.

I know why husbands cheat, I know what they secretly want, and I know what’s on their minds.

How do I know this? I am not a psychologist, nor am I a wife. I prefer female company and I don’t have a partner.

If you don’t know my story, here it is. I was a journalist for national magazines before leaving my ‘normal life’ to become an escort at age 30. It’s not the decision most people make when looking for a change, but it suited me, for many complex reasons that even I have a hard time understanding.

I wrote two best-selling books about my journey and ended up running my own escort agency for older women.

My busiest woman was over 60, but that’s a different column.

I’ve hung up my heels lately, but I’ve been in the adult industry for a decade. I charged a lot of money for my time and was called the most expensive escort in Australia (plus a few other things).

I met a lot of great women and came to understand men, all kinds of men. Single, widowed, divorced, young, old, disabled, sick… and of course, married men.

Ah, married men.

If married men taught me anything, it was not to marry. If you wanted to ruin a great relationship, walk down the aisle. (If you’re happily married, good for you. Come back to me in 30 years.)

Another thing I learned was that the sex industry is not about sex. And the number one reason men saw escorts?

Connection. That’s right, connection.

As an escort, I wasn’t swinging from chandeliers or going to secret dungeon sex clubs (disappointing, I know). The service that was most requested was the girlfriend experience, and that meant listening, supporting and guiding.

Here are my top three reasons why men cheat, with three disclaimers: not every man, not every marriage, and it’s never your fault.

Goff (above) has been with a considerable number of married men in his previous profession.

1. Someone to talk to

Believe it or not, men like to talk. They are emotional and extremely vulnerable. They tell me they are too scared to be vulnerable at home and instead feel they need to be the ‘strong’ one. They worry that they will cause you undue stress if they complain about their problems. Why they chose to pay thousands of dollars to an escort instead of seeing a counselor even I found baffling and pointed out several times. ‘I don’t want to be judged’ was always the answer.

2. They miss foreplay.

You don’t need to tell me that sex is the last thing on your mind when you’re married, I get it. I’d rather have a cup of tea these days and I’m supposed to be a lady of pleasure. There’s a lot to be said for the two-minute quickie. But men secretly want to spend hours in bed with you but say they got tired of being rejected. They miss foreplay (pleasuring her, not the other way around) and don’t always want it all over before you can say ‘hand me the TV controls, MAFS is on’.

3. You had an affair.

When it comes to cheating, we always blame the men. They are the ones who always cheat, aren’t they? Wrong, they are the ones that get trapped. A married man in his 50s spent two hours sitting on his bed fully clothed, reeling from his wife who had just left with her personal trainer. Another man was shocked after his wife left him and his children. He tearfully told me that he didn’t even know how to boil an egg. (Don’t ask me, I’m not a good cook). While a wife may turn a blind eye to her husband’s slip-up, men will not. His ego won’t allow it. If they stay (and men rarely leave), they’ll see it as a green light to do whatever they want, so they “quit.”

4. Seeing an escort does not mean that she does not love you

4) I know I said 3, but this is also an important point. Nor does it mean that they see other women or have affairs. They don’t want to leave you for another woman, and they certainly don’t want to elope with an escort (and no escort in the history of this earth would want to elope with your husband either, that’s like taking your work home with you). Men are like puppies that chew on your shoes, they just can’t help it.

Wait till I tell you the reasons why women see male escorts. Now that will blow your mind.

‘Samanatha X’ or Amanda Goff, is a former escort, author and columnist.

Amanda Goff has lots of advice for women on why men cheat (above)