We tend to believe that sex is for the young and beautiful. At least, that’s what movies and TV would have us believe.
But sexual health experts have found that the quality of a person’s sex life improves with age, helping people reach their peak in their 40s and continue to enjoy more pleasurable sex into their 60s and beyond.
There are several aspects at play, sex therapists have found, that take the love lives of mature adults to the next level.
Middle-aged and older adults tend to be less focused on what they would have worried or embarrassed about in their younger years, from cellulite to body hair. And they become more sexually aware with age and are therefore more willing to express their preferences to their partner.
Married couples, like Jill and Joe Biden, who said good sex is key to their strong marriage of 47 years, have better sex than their younger counterparts who may focus more on dating, one-night stands and affairs – often at the expense of real emotional and physical intimacy.
And a better sex life has consequences far beyond the bedroom. Research has shown that it improves overall health and increases endorphins, heart function, mood, sleep and overall energy levels.
Much to the chagrin of his wife Dr. Jill Biden, President Joe Biden has said the key to their strong marriage is a healthy sex life.
One of the most important factors of an improved love life: self-confidence and self-awareness. These tend to increase with age, meaning older people suffer fewer hang-ups than the average 20-year-old.
Tara Saglio, advisor to a couple from London said: ‘By the time they are older, people have usually come to terms with many of their insecurities about their body image.
‘They probably also have less fear of failure. The concerns that all men and women have: Am I boring in bed? Do I look good? Too hairy? – are less acute.’
Researchers have found that although the frequency of sex decreases with age, older people remain sexually active – and although the number of times you do the horizontal tango decreases, the pleasure you experience with each session increases.
A 2023 report in the Lancet Research shows that 86 percent of men and 60 percent of women between the ages of 60 and 69 are sexually active, as are 59 percent of men and 34 percent of women between the ages of 70 and 79.
Nearly a third of men and 14 percent of women aged 80 and older are still romping between the sheets.
Report author Janie Steckenrider, an expert on aging and sexuality at Loyola Marymount University in California, said: ‘The first misconception is that older adults are neither sexually active nor interested in sex, so there is no reason to ask them about their sexual health.
‘The interest in sex in this population is apparently great; in the American Association of Retired Persons’ Healthy Aging Poll of people ages 65 to 80, two-thirds said they were interested in sex and more than 50 percent said sex was important to their quality of life.”
People may think differently, given the aging-related decline in hormones over time. Testosterone levels peak in men in young adulthood, around age 20, but decline by about 1 percent after age 30.
And as women in their 40s approach menopause, estrogen levels drop, which can cool their libido.
But thanks to the advent of erectile dysfunction medications, the best known of which is Viagra for men, and treatments for low libido in premenopausal women, such as Vyleesi (bremelanotide) and Addyi (flibanserin), many older adults are able to find fulfilling , healthy sex life.
Surveys of older adults have consistently shown that they enjoy sex more. A person may feel better about their body at age 60 or 70 than they did at age 20. That self-confidence makes sex feel more liberating, exciting and satisfying.
Dating site OkCupid conducted a questionnaire in 2011 and found that 30 to 35 percent of women in their 20s had difficulty achieving orgasm, compared to about 20 percent of women in their late 40s and 50s.
Layla Martin, a sex therapist who offers educational seminars on improving couples’ sex lives, said: ‘One of the biggest lies we’ve been told about aging is that sex gets worse or even goes off a cliff with age.
“My teachers are in their 60s, my best friends are in their 60s and without exception they say, ‘This is the best, the hottest, the most epic, most magnetic era of my life.’
Researchers from the University of Manchester in Britain found that about 80 percent of men over 50 are satisfied with their sex lives. while 85 percent of sexually active women between the ages of 60 and 69 are satisfied with theirs.
The most satisfied people are usually married couples.
There’s a big gap between trying something in bed that you think your partner will like, and doing something that you know your partner will like.
That kind of knowledge is acquired over time in a mutually trusting relationship.
Plus, knowing what your partner likes is enough to get anyone’s sexual motor going.
Dr. David Lee, a researcher at the University of Manchester, said: ‘There is a misconception that sex belongs to young people.
‘The reactions of young people to older people having sex range from humor and disgust to disbelief that people over fifty are having it at all.
‘But our research breaks through these generational barriers. Although the frequency of sexual acts decreases as we age, sex remains an important part of our lives. It doesn’t stop or go away, it just changes.”