For years, millions watched as Carrie Bradshaw, Samantha Jones, Charlotte York and Miranda Hobbes dated as young women in New York City on the wildly popular HBO series Sex and the City.
As creator of the original column that inspired the show, Candace Bushnell certainly knows a thing or two about romance.
Luckily, she recently shared some of her best dating tips and tricks — from the one fact about yourself you should never immediately reveal to potential suitors to the topics you should always avoid on a first date.
The author, 64, shared some of her expertise during a talk for the matchmaking app Tawkify at the Ludlow House in New York City on Thursday evening.
Sex and the City creator Candace Bushnell shared some of her best dating tips and tricks during a talk in New York City on Thursday evening
For years, millions watched as Carrie Bradshaw, Samantha Jones, Charlotte York and Miranda Hobbes navigated their dating lives as young women in New York City on the hit series
While speaking to an audience of dozens of people, she also explained why women should avoid dating men who make more money than they do, why they should have sex with potential suitors as soon as possible, and why they should stick to dating men with their own men. age – despite the fact that she was married for almost ten years to a man ten years younger than her.
Candace married Charles Askegard, a principal dancer with the New York City Ballet, in 2002 after just eight weeks of dating, but they divorced in 2011.
Long before she and Charles tied the knot, she wrote a column entitled Sex and the City for The New York Observer, which chronicled her and her friends’ attempts to find a boyfriend and eventually led to the beloved sitcom by Sarah Jessica Parker.
Here’s all the dating advice the Sex and the City creator shared during Thursday’s lecture.
Changing others is harder than you might think, so don’t ignore the warning signs hoping you can fix them
According to Candace, women often ignore “red flags” when they are in the early stages of a relationship because they are so blinded by their “attraction” to the man (stock image)
According to Candace, women often ignore “red flags” when they are in the early stages of a relationship because they are so blinded by their “attraction” to the man.
And she reminded the audience that you can’t “change” who someone is deep inside
And she reminded the audience that you can’t “change” who someone is deep inside.
“Sometimes you can be really attracted to a guy and you get this crazy idea in your head that maybe this guy is going to be okay and I’m going to change him,” she explained. ‘You can’t. OK?
“Women have this fantasy that (bad) men are great guys underneath and that somewhere (inside) there is a warm, caring man,” she continued.
‘When you are young, you have to learn to recognize the warning signs. That’s part of dating at a very young age, learning about warning signs and guys to avoid.
“Men usually tell you the truth about who they are and women don’t want to listen. If someone tells you who or what they are, you should really listen because they are probably telling you the truth.”
If you date someone who makes more money than you, he will have the power in the relationship
Candace warned against dating someone who makes a lot more money than you – because she said it would give him all the power in the relationship (stock image)
Candace warned against dating someone who makes a lot more money than you, saying it would give him all the power in the relationship.
“What’s wrong with dating is that whoever has the money has the power,” she said. “(Men with money) want you to do what they want to do, they are the star.
‘Who pays for (things) determines what it looks like, where you go on holiday and where you live. They make all the rules.’
On the other hand, she advises against expecting a lot from your partner when it comes to spending money.
“I hear this a lot from guys: their girlfriends want stuff, they want handbags, apartments, Uber rides, all kinds of stuff, and these guys can’t afford it,” she added.
As for who should pay on the first date, Candace said she strongly believes that whoever has a higher salary should be the one to cover the cost of the meal.
‘It depends who has more money. In a place like New York, where the men make more money than the women, they should pay,” she said.
Have sex as early in the romance as possible, because the passion only diminishes the longer you wait
Candace said she thinks sex is important early in your romance because the passion only diminishes the longer you wait (stock image)
Candace said she thinks sex is important early in your romance because the passion only diminishes the longer you wait.
She explained that being physically attracted to your partner is essential to a healthy relationship — and if the feelings aren’t there from the start, they probably never will.
“There are stories of people who had sex on the first date and got married because they were so attracted to each other that they couldn’t keep their hands off each other,” she told the audience during the lecture.
“On the other hand, if you go on 10 dates and you still can’t have sex, then there’s probably something wrong there.
‘Interest in sex does not increase over the course of a relationship, but rather decreases. So if you start really low, it just gets lower.
”
And while she encouraged people to get intimate as soon as possible, she reminded women to never do anything they don’t feel comfortable with.
“If you don’t feel like it’s the right thing to do, don’t do it. “Don’t do something a man wants you to do because you think you’ll get him,” she added.
‘That’s a mistake. If it doesn’t feel right in your heart, don’t do it.’
Go for people your own age – and leave the older men for the older women
Candace encouraged people to date others close to their age (stock image)
She was married to a man ten years her junior named Charles Askegard from 2002 to 2011 when they divorced. They were seen in 2008
Candace encouraged people to date others close to their age, explaining that if a younger woman chooses an older man, it takes away a potential suitor for older women.
She said: ‘I’ve heard many women in their 40s say they want to be with a man in their 60s.
“I’m like, ‘Girl, back off. That guy is appropriate for my age, but he’s not looking at me right now because he thinks he can get you.’
Try to find a partner in the real world rather than through dating apps – and be careful not to get ‘pulled in’ by attractive profiles
Candace likes to make connections in person rather than online, so she encouraged people to try finding their partner through mutual friends or while out and about.
Candace likes to make connections in person rather than online, so she encouraged people to try finding their partners through mutual friends or while out and about.
“There’s a human element to it,” she explained. “I feel like the human aspect of it is probably better than an algorithm.
‘I could be very wrong about that, but just looking at pictures I can easily get carried away. And people never really look like their photos (in real life), do they.’
She added that she has “pampered people” who ended up getting married, and that “there is no better feeling” seeing a relationship where she had a hand in starting training.
And if you use dating apps and you smoke, she recommended keeping that fact about yourself out of your profile.
‘Nobody wants to go out with you if you smoke. Never put that in there,” she said.
Be careful not to get too personal on a first date, especially when it comes to your political stance
Candace advised not to get too personal on the first date because it’s best not to reveal too much about yourself right away (stock image)
Candace advised not to get too personal on the first date because it’s best not to reveal too much about yourself right away.
She also suggested that you avoid talking about things that are too serious at first, such as your political stance, since it’s all about “fun” in the beginning.
“I probably wouldn’t talk about (politics), I want to be entertained. I want to have fun,” she dished.