Sen. Fetterman says he thought news about his depression treatment would end his political career
WASHINGTON — Senator John Fetterman acknowledges that he had “dark conversations” about hurting himself before he “hit the emergency brakes” and sought treatment for his depression.
He remembers thinking about his three school-age children. “I cannot be a blueprint for my children. I can't leave them alone or understand why he would have done that,” the first-term Pennsylvania Democrat told NBC's “Meet the Press” in a deeply personal and introspective interview recorded before the show aired Sunday.
So on February 15, he checked himself into Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland. “There was nowhere else to go,” he said, describing how during his stay he often felt that “sometimes there was no hope. and like, 'What do I have left?'”
He also wondered whether he would survive politically.
“When it became known where I was and where things were going, it was a big story. And so I assumed that would be the end of my career,” he said.
While seeking treatment for clinical depression, Fetterman was still dealing with the effects of the stroke he suffered in May 2022, during his campaign for one of the most contested seats in the Senate. “My heart technically stopped, and it was a very touch-and-go situation,” says Fetterman, 54. A pacemaker was implanted with a defibrillator to treat two heart conditions, atrial fibrillation and cardiomyopathy.
His victory over Republican Mehmet Oz had helped Democrats retain control of the Senate and made him a national figure. It was the pinnacle of his political career. But he couldn't get out of bed at his home in Braddock, western Pennsylvania.
“I really scared my kids and they were like, 'You won, Dad. Why are we not enough? Why are you still so sad? Why are you even sadder?' And it was hard for – to explain why I was. And of course a 9 year old wouldn't understand that. And it was horrible,” Fetterman said.
So much so that he said that later in November he “advocated not going to DC” for orientation sessions in Washington for newly elected lawmakers.
His favorite holiday was approaching, but he couldn't think of buying Christmas presents for his children and was “dreading” his swearing-in on Capitol Hill early in the new year.
Within two months he was at Walter Reed. Aides had described the new senator as withdrawn and uninterested in eating, discussing work or the usual banter with staff.
“This is a conversation I've had with myself, and with anyone who knows that they are unable to address their depression if they start having dark conversations with themselves about self-harm,” Fetterman said. “And I kept checking things off the list. And then I pressed the emergency brake a little bit.”
He added, “I knew I needed help.”
Before checking into Walter Reed, Fetterman had never publicly discussed his battle with depression. He has since said he has experienced it on and off throughout his life.
He left Walter Reed in late March after six weeks of inpatient treatment while his depression was “in remission,” according to a statement from his office.
Doctors define 'remission' as a patient who responds to treatment in such a way that he or she returns to normal social functioning and is no longer distinguishable from someone who has never had depression.
Fetterman has since become a visible presence in the Capitol, joking with reporters, joking with Senate colleagues and making his voice heard at Senate hearings.
To others who are now “facing a very dark holiday season,” Fetterman offered this guidance: “I know last year was dreary. And this year could be dreary. Next year could be the best ever. And that's what happened for me.”