Dear Jana,
My wife and I have found ourselves in a rather unique situation, and I thought you were too the perfect person to provide guidance.
We’ve been together for 10 years. Our sex life is great, and one reason for that is that we are good communication. Recently we started talking about ways to spice things up and my My wife confided to me that she is bi-curious.
Now I really appreciate her happiness, so we decided to have a threesome with another woman. This is one small way I can support her on her journey.
Now that the decision has been made, my question is: what now? Where do we meet women interested in MFK threesomes? And if things do go wrong, how can my wife and I ensure that it… the experience strengthens rather than complicates our marriage.
Ron.
Dear Ron,
Can I just start by saying I’m obsessed with how seriously you take this threesome! And thank you for doing God’s work by supporting your wife’s bicuriosity. It’s really very noble of you to take one for the team.
Mail+ columnist Jana Hocking gives her trademark cheeky advice to Australians who need help with their love life – or lack thereof
But let’s be real, Ronnie boy, between me and you, you’re quietly thrilled at the idea of sleeping with two women, aren’t you? You impudent devil.
But enough about that. Let’s get started, because this trio isn’t going to plan itself. Luckily for you, I’ve come up with three simple options to help you navigate these sexy, uncharted waters.
Option 1: An escort
If you are nervous about how this might turn out, you can always choose an escort. No shame in that game! But Ron, this is not the time to be frugal. Spend some money and treat yourself to someone with experience who can put a nervous couple at ease.
Think of it as a mini relationship investment (I wonder if you can claim it back on taxes?). She knows exactly how to keep things fun and stress-free, while making you feel like a horny teen.
Option 2: A ‘friend’
If an escort is feeling too transactional, you can ask your wife if she has a friend in mind. Risky business, I know, but hear me out: there’s often that one flirty friend in every girl group who secretly craves these kinds of invites. (*cough, cough, me*)
Keep in mind that if you choose this route, you will need to set some firm boundaries beforehand. The last thing you want is for your wife to be scared of book club because “threesome Sarah” keeps winking at her over the cheese plate.
Option 3: Swipe
There are some terribly challenging apps on the market right now, like Feeld, that exist specifically for adventurous couples like you. It’s basically Tinder, but tailor-made for people who want threesomes. Swipe together on a glass of wine – and watch out for catfish.
If necessary, request a Facetime conversation before meeting the lucky lady. Whatever path you choose, remember: communication is key. Remember to set boundaries and expectations before anything happens.
Trust me, there’s nothing sexier than knowing you’re all on the same page. And don’t forget the post-threesome debrief – yes, a chat afterwards is essential to make sure everyone feels good and that no strange feelings linger.
This week, Jana doesn’t hold back when she gives advice to a woman whose husband spends way too long on the phone with his ex-wife
Dear Jana,
My husband is still in regular contact with his ex-wife, which I understand is necessary because they have children together. He says their conversations are all about the kids, but recently I checked his phone (not my proudest moment) and noticed that they talked for up to an hour a few times a week.
It felt like I had been punched in the gut. She was the one who left him, and although he has reassured me countless times that he is over her, seeing his phone conversation makes me think differently. There’s always been a little voice in the back of my mind that worries that he never really moved on and that maybe he married me because I’m younger and prettier – just to show her what she’s lost.
Is it normal for divorced parents to communicate so much, or is this a possible warning sign? I really want to trust him, and maybe this is just part of navigating a blended family life, but it doesn’t feel that way.
Julie (not my real name).
Dear Julie (not your real name),
Sympathy for a bad discovery.
As I always say, snooping through someone’s phone never ends well, and this just proves my point.
Looks like you’re the J.Lo in this little love triangle. Yeah, just like Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner always seemed a little too friendly during those “kids drop-off” paparazzi moments, my gut feeling is that your man might still be holding onto a little flame for his ex.
And that’s not the end of the world – most of us still have a little touch of a past love – but those hours-long conversations? They’re not exactly shouting ‘just about the kids’.
Let’s call it all by name: the ex-wife clearly does not close these chats. If anything, I’d say she encourages him to remain emotionally available to her. Bad ex-wife!
Most men I know would rather get a rectal exam than a lengthy phone conversation. So yeah, super suss.
It sounds like you’ve already brought up your fears, given the whole “he reassured me countless times” situation.
But maybe it’s time to be a little more direct. I’d ask him point-blank, “What’s going on with these hours-long phone calls to your ex?” If he is truly committed to you, he will realize that these chats blur the boundaries and will step forward to reassure you.
But if he rejects or doubles down on you, let’s just say you might want to dust off the old Tinder, because you deserve a partner who is completely focused on you.
God, I hate competing with the ghosts of past girlfriends. Anyway, congratulations on being younger and prettier, I guess.
Dear Jana,
Is it possible to masturbate too much?
A recent conversation with my partner left me feeling a little confused and unsure of what is considered “normal” in this area.
For context, I usually masturbate once a week or so – usually when my partner is traveling for work or on the rare occasions when intimacy doesn’t fully satisfy me and I still want an orgasm. That feels like a healthy balance to me.
However, my partner revealed that he masturbates every day, usually in the shower. WTF! That can’t be normal?
Now I wonder if that makes him a sex addict or – worse – am I not enough for him? He’s never given me a reason to think that, but now I don’t know if I should take it personally.
Please give my overthinking brain a cure.
Anonymously.
Dear anonymous,
Oh Lord, forgive me if I’m a little blunt, but this is a very easy answer: no.
If your partner jerks off every day, it’s not a sign of sex addiction, and it definitely doesn’t mean you’re “not enough.” It just means he’s a living, breathing man with a functioning libido and access to warm water.
So, to answer your question further: is daily masturbation normal? Absolute.
I mean, Jackie O recently confessed on her podcast that she used her vibrator up to eight times a day. (Yes, eight!)
Meanwhile, I thought my daily ‘buzz-buzz’ was a bit much. It turns out we’re all just trying to live our best orgasm-filled lives—and honestly, good for us!
Also, a side note: I’ve heard that masturbation is good for your health because you use muscles you don’t normally use during a workout. Definitely better than jazzercise.
As for your partner? He’s probably just taking advantage of the easy privacy of the shower. Hardly scandalous.
Masturbation doesn’t mean you’re failing as a partner – it’s just a different kind of release. People masturbate for all kinds of reasons: habit, boredom, stress relief… it’s rarely a reflection of their feelings toward you.
What should you do?
Nothing. Leave that poor man alone to jerk off in steamy silence.
But if you’re feeling playful and want to spice things up, why not turn his solo habit into something you can enjoy together?
Maybe surprise him in the shower one morning or leave a cheeky photo where he’ll find it. Keep yourself ‘front and center’ in his mind while he does the deed.
Kinda hot, right?